A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the past few years I've been living with my mom who is not always supportive and my father who moved away with my two siblings. Nobody liked living with my mother and I have never gotten along with my brother so I just decided I would stay with my mother. I have grown very close with my boyfriend who does not celebrate any occasions. Not Christmas, Halloween, Valentine's day, or Thanksgiving. It is just a part of his beliefs. Which have now become a part of my beliefs. He has been here the whole time and has taken care of me through all of the BS of my parents divorce and issues between my siblings. I told my father I did not want to celebrate Christmas and he was devastated. He has been so silent about it and almost ignoring me. He's very upset but I am just trying to stay true to my beliefs. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): Wow, so because people don't celebrate highly commercialized holidays that makes them a rebel or outlier? There are plenty of people who do not celebrate holidays because most of them essentially exist due to commercial value (e.g. Valentine's Day and Thanksgiving) and giving workers time off. They persist because they make money and make people spend money. Not everyone jumps on that. I am not sure if that is why your boyfriend does not celebrate holidays, OP, but it is fine if you sincerely do not want to celebrate them. However, if you have always enjoyed Christmas, then maybe reflect to make sure you aren't adopting your boyfriend's beliefs for other reasons but for yourself. If your dad truly wants to spend time with you, he can do it any other time of year. Kind of ironic that he is ignoring you if the reason he is upset is because he wanted to be in your company.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is the belief that occasions such as Christmas, thanksgiving, and Valentine's Day originated from other reasons than what they're portrayed to be. My boyfriend is very normal.. He has no criminal record, not a creep and he is not my entire world. We are a normal couple. My parents were supportive financially but have pushed me far away in my early adulthood. I was left alone a lot and many times I felt I didn't have my family. My dad has always treated different than my other siblings but I'm not trying to hurt my dad or get back at him. I just don't want to celebrate these occasions anymore. It shouldn't take an occasion for us to mend our problems
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): Your dad is upset because you're assuming your boyfriend's identity. It's pretty common with girls and young women from broken families. They find some oddball creep, and all of sudden he is their world. He's usually some rebel to society and has dark opinions and suspicions of everyone and everything. Most often they have criminal backgrounds. I don't expect you do anything but rise to his defense. Say wonderful things about him. That's typical too!
Celebration of holidays is a "family-tradition" and your father feels you've lost connection with the family; and perhaps thinks your mother has probably filled your head with a lot of meanness and resentment towards your siblings and for him. Holidays brings families together to celebrate and share their love. Have fun together, and to recognize spiritual connections within a family unit.
It saddens him to think about what he fears you're becoming. A combination of the bitterness in your mother, and your isolated socially-detached boyfriend. If he celebrates nothing, he has no joy in life. Boyfriends come and go. Family is for life!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): I don't understand. What exactly are your beliefs? What are you a d your boyfriend trying to stay true to?
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