A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My dad said he'll disown me if I ever bring a black guy home(I'm white and don't live with my mom). I'm attracted to guys of all races, and I find myself being attracted to black guys, more than white guys. Until I knew where my dad stands on the topic, it never concerned me.. but now I'm scared that I will end up with a black guy, and he won't accept him.. or me. I have a lot of black friends, many are guys, and I can see myself getting closer with some of them, but now it doesn't seem like I even have that option. I just don't understand his problem, he has many black friends himself, and I can not believe that he would say this. I love my dad too much to reck the great relationship we have, but Should I really limit myself when it comes to love? ..? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kadinza  +, writes (11 March 2010):
I heard someone once say that it is cruel and wrong for a black and white couple to be together because their child would be mixed race and have a harder time. This MAY be an issue where you live. That is something to consider. Would you move away from your families and everything you know to raise a child. I hate to say this but in the town in Arkansas I am from this is the case. The local chief of police was fired for marrying the black woman who was the dispatcher. WE can all say we aren't racist, but there are always going to be those who truly are and will make your life hell anyway they can. I am dating a Filipino girl who is considerately younger then me. I do catch lot of grief because I have allowed her to embrace her culture in my home. AS far as I am concerned it their loss if their bigotry can't allow them to be happy for us. I am a strong willed person and have no problem telling my family or anyone else where to go. It's my life not theirs. It's your life not theirs.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): I love it when we get all racist, i feel my white neck getting redder by the second lol
I would smile and nod, let dad have his bottle and go out with whoever you want.
He will get over it when he meets his grandchild....
btw dont date people for spite, relationships need to be healthy to work, so if your just trying to p off daddy, you will only make yourself miserable
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): My parents had the same attitude though it never presented a problem in that I did not fall in love with a black guy. I think the poster is right that people stereotype race or culture and that it is this that presents the problem - not the reality. As you say your father has black friends so he knows the reality deep down and is not rascist - I think he is trying to protect you from harm - 'harm' created by one-sided media profiles on TV and music etc about young black men. Perhaps you could involve your Dad casually in a circle of friends you have that include black guys so he can see that you are you and a young woman with your own sense of self and he does not need to worry.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (5 March 2010):
Perhaps your dad does not know any positive black young guys. Most people have perceptions of young black youths as drug dealers and violent rappers who call women bitches all the time and go around making white girls pregnant and never claim responsibility and have jobs. They don't realise that the rappers are merely selling a product and portray this image to make money. Most guys are in fact decent with dreams and hopes too. My father also used to say stuff like never date white guys because they will make you do sick stuff and they rape small kids; again a perception from a few bad apples. Your best bet is not to be confrontational about it. You don't have to stomp your feet and demand your freedom. Just ease him into it by inviting your friends over to your place in a mixed crowd of black guys, white guys, girls. Let your dad interact with the guy you like in this way as a non threatening guy. Its would help greatly if he is an ambitious guy who has college plans and has good manners. No "yo, 'sup" greetings to your dad - "hello sir" works better!!! Ok I'm just being stereotypically funny here but you get the idea. Perhaps over a few times of seeing this guy who loves nothing more than studying for his history test on a Saturday night, your dad might come around a little.
Often, many parents do not want you to date a guy of another race not because they are racist, but they think they want to spare you the pain of discrimination from other people and the fact that their grandchildren are classified as black and their white heritage often discounted by society.
At the end of the day, it better to play by his rules while you are under his roof to keep the peace. Since you are 18, when you become independent you can do whatever you like. It is nicer tho to have the people you love on your side so just try break him in gently first.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): Somebody needs to tell your father that the more he warns you against black guys, the more attractive black guys will start to look to you.
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A
male
reader, VocalsAndRhythmGuitarist  +, writes (5 March 2010):
 "I love my dad too much to reck the great relationship we have, but Should I really limit myself when it comes to love? ..?"
In my most honest opinion, no. You should never limit yourself because of others. Remember, it's all up to you to choose whoever you want to spend the rest of your life with, not to your father, don't allow him to take you back to those early 1900s where women don't get to choose for themselves. Just have a talk with him about why he doesn't want you to have a boyfriend of different race and why would he dis hone you because of that.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, virgin18 +, writes (5 March 2010):
 I do not think you should limit yourself when it comes to love. Besides, you are the one that is going to have a relationship/live together/marry the person you chose to give your heart to no matter what race/ethnicity he belongs to, NOT YOUR DAD. It comes down to what makes you happy and what it's best for you and I am pretty sure your dad can someday understand. I know it is hard because of the good relationship you hold with him but it is unfair on his part to say such a thing to you.
What is, for example, you have an abusive relationship with a white guy, and he beats you up all the time so you leave him, but then a black guys comes along and he is caring loving and helps you heal, what is your dad going to prefer, for you to move back with he white guy even if he hurts you, just because the other one is black? I do not think so, and if he does, I am sorry for you honey. But I hardly think that is the case. HOPEFULLY..
I have a great relationship with my dad, and thankfully the only problem he has with boys is seeing me date anyone before I graduate from college, but I stood up for myself and although he is still skeptical about the whole dating scene, he does not bother me as much as before. And believe me if I had your problem I would have done the same thing and stand up for what I feel is right for me.
Good luck, but PLEASE, do not give up and limit yourself!!! It is not fair and it is cruel...
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