A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My dad has always been a borrower of money, from both me and everybody he knows. In my entire life I have only seen him have one job, lasting 6 months. And at his age, it's going to be hard for him to find work now. He has a wife. She works. Yet, regardless of this, they are always short on money for something. Now, I am recently married to a woman who's family makes a nice amount of money. I moved far away from my hometown of Illinois for a reason. I am a tour guide director at a museum, I do not make a lot of money. My father knows this; but he also know my wife's family make's a good amount of money. So every few months he turns to us to ask for help. This method of asking for money will go either 3 ways. A: he will ask in a heartfelt way; B: he will pitch my wife a business plan for her father that can only be started once he has the money; C: he becomes depressed, calls me crying and says no one will help him. I found out that his house will be foreclosed on in a few months if he does not pay his taxes; he asked us for money for this like 6 months ago, and I denied him for the first time. Last week I asked him if he took care of that situation and he said he will, but it got worse because we didn't give him the money. I just don't understand how two grown adults can't pay for their own basic needs. But now I'm stuck with the decision, should I be asking my wife if I can dip into our account to help my dad? I worry if I don't, he will lose the house and be homeless. My wife has never liked my father, she even forced me to not invite him to the wedding, so she has already told me to cut him off, but that's my father. I just really need advice, should I cut off all contact with my own father??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): Do not give him the money. He will always be back for more.My dad is not an alcoholic or a drug addict. If anything he's addicted to a certain lifestyle AND not-working. He borrowed from anybody he has ever met. He lied and cheated to get the money (I consider it to be stealing). He would say he needs money for a plane-ticket and when I would offer to buy it online, he would say he has a better deal in some agency and, of course, never send me their contacts. He would say he urgently needs money for a lawyer and when I would offer to transfer that money, he'd say that the lawyer accepts only cash (wtf?) and of course never send me his contacts either.Then, he would get in REAL trouble (not paying taxes or mortgage) and lose a house (happened THREE TIMES).And yet there he is. In his seventies, living off of other people (with a lazy wife too who has lived teh same way as him).It was easier (but NOT easy) for me to cut any contact with him because he never cared for me. Not even when I was a kid. As adult, I would only get his calls when he needed something (money most of the time, other times a car...). So I stopped calling him. Stopped being the kid that wanted his father to love him and get his attention.He has never changed. He was the same. Me giving him the money or not.A funny thing. A couple of years ago some guy who happens to have the same name as I, sold his business and got rich. It was in the local papers. That's the last time he called me. My wife and I still laugh about it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 January 2016):
 Your father probably suffers an illness or addiction which makes him incapable of holding down a job. My guess would be he is an alcoholic. Or addicted to gambling. A lot of money vanish incredibly fast with these two addictions, yet the side effects can be hidden for years unless you live in the same house as the person.
There is a reason why he can't hold on to a job, and there is a reason why he never has any money. If he didn't make any money he wouldn't be paying taxes, so there's been money at some point or other, but it didn't go towards paying the bills. You don't know what's going on, but something absolutely IS going on. You can trust me on this one. And with addiction it never stops until they are forced to stop or die. You lending him money is your way of trying to help, but actually it does the opposite and enables his addiction. For your own sake, and his, do not lend him any more money.
If you want to get to the bottom of this, I suggest you call his wife and ask about it. If there's anyone who can give you an answer it's her. The addict himself will never admit to it willingly, because he is ashamed.
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