A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am at odds. .this is really taking a toll on myself and siblings. My parents had recently divorced after 35 plus years. My father had an affair and was drinkibg alcohol on weekends. .the had a great job and good relationships with people in his life..but his alcoholism took a toll. He pretty much gave us kids the ultimatum...accept his drinking or thats it. He pretty much became estranged from all of us..he doesnt even want to see his grandkids. He has always been a great father and caring family man. I tried to contact him after a few months him to ask how he was and got a text...Im great happiest Ive ever been, Im getteing married getting married..starting fresh, a new beginning.. sorry not interested..lose this number . I tried to text back and was responded that I worry about him and we need him...I didnt want things to end like that. The response I got was..sorry not interested..I love her..she makes me happy...she is th ex-wife of a AF doctor..she's a great woman.Goodbye 4ever. I was devestated. I called my dads phone and a woman answered..I asked for my father..she asked who I was...I said his daughter...she asked which one..I just asked..could i please talk 2 him..she said he wasnt available and hung up. We get out of the texts from him that dont really make sense or just flat out doesnt sound like him. We searched this woman..she has numerous alias and seems shady. We recently learned my dad retired..people who have seen him or know him tell us he seems sedated and withdrawn. It was odd with his retirement it was just one day..no planning just out of the blue. A few weeks before that I had read in the paper he had got married. My brother and a few people have tried to call him and his phone is disconnected. I feel this woman is keeping him from us..I hope he okay. Or am I worrying for nothing?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Good, good, good.. Well done.
She can do nothing. She can't remove you from the property unless it's in her name. She has no proof that you have threatened her and your father is pleased to see you. Ignore her, she is no more important than an irritating fly. She can call the police all she wants, make sure next time the police come you tell them that you are frightened for your fathers health, he want's to see you and keep contact, but for some reason this woman is trying to isolate him.
Keep going to see him. You could also get together and buy him a mobile phone or a calling card, so he can have a way to call you back.
He's vunerable and he's being controlled. He needs you guys more than ever. Continue to visit, continue to call, send cards and invite him over to your house for short stays. It is very important you do not disappear and leave him alone with this woman. She cannot stop you from seeing him, no matter what she says. As long as he continues to enjoy seeing you and being in your company, she can't prove kidnap, anoyance or threats, she can't do anything except make noise and cause a distirbance in the neighbourhood.
Go back to the police that came, and ask them to add a section to your file, where you say you are scared for your father and are only visiting because he's been kept isolated and hasn't been allowed to contact you. Tell the police exactly what you told us, and ask them to note on his records, that you think his life may be in danger and this woman may be doing things to keep him confused and easily manipulated.
He won't leave her, but you can show him, you won't leave him either, and he always has an option to walk away, because he is no longer isolated and without family.
Tell the local preist your father is an alcoholic and ask him to pop in sometimes, the more people who visit the better for him I believe.
You need to record his behaviour and your concern somewhere. I'm assuming she has got him to change his will, and you need evidence to show that he is not is sound mind and independant at the moment. Then the will becomes invalid.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust a update on the situation..my siblings and i went to his basement apt...the door was ajar...my brother knocked , peeked in and said dad...my dad saw him ..he was sitting on the couch..i could hear the excitment in his voice..after that..my sister & i entered...i saw my dad getting up from the couch walking toward us smiling..i could tell he was impaired....his "wife'..ran in front of him and puts her armss to her sides blocking my father to try 2 prevent him from coming toward us. My dad was reaching his arms out for us...and she grabbed his arms back to keeping him from holding our hands...she then got nose to nose with me and told us to ..Get Out!! My dad kept saying my kids are here...these are my kids...oh..ive missed u guys! He statred to cry...she kept saying ~Get out..I told him we have been trying 2 call you..he said that he didnt know that...she then said she was calling the police..i told her to go ahead..we r here for our dad...she kept saying Im his wife..get out.....we asked him to come outside to talk to us...she kept telling him that he wasnt going anywhere...we finally got him outside..he kept sobbing telling us he missed us and he kept hugging us...she told us to get off he property and to stand on the strret if we wanted to talk to him...long story short..cops came she told them we are annoying and always come over...that was our first time...she said she feared for her safety and felt threatened..the cops watched as my dad was crying and hugging us...we talked and he said he wanted to go c his grankidss...we left..he was so happy but i felt bad seeing my dad like that..she called the police on us 3 times for kidnapping and holding him against his will...he wanted to stay with my brother..but had tremors from alcohol the next dad..he told my kids he was going for a walk and went back...we r heartbroken.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 September 2010):
I'll join in with RCN and the film actor.. sounds very, very strange... I'm concerned as well. Can you go around there and see what's going on for yourself.
You can also hire a private detective or speak to a lawyer about certifying him vunerable and in danger or mentally insane.
Yes, I sound sensationalist, but the messages sound strange, the woman sounds strange, it all sounds too strange for me nt to think that something is going on and his life may be in danger.
Recently divorced, dump kids forever and refuse to talk or explain... that doesn't sound like the father you've always knew. New wives are happy to hear from the alcoholic husbands family... Not adding up to something I'd be happy to leave alone.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 I agree with rcn. There is a possibility that this woman is sedating your father and arranging things so that she can clean him out. I find it difficult to believe, from how you describe his past, that he could have sent those texts. Investigate this situation to the extent you're able -- your father may be in serious trouble.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 September 2010):
 Seemingly withdrawn and sedated does not equate to everything being honky dory. At first, I thought your dad was just a major ass for ditching his kids. These messages may have been sent by her and not him. As you said, when you made a phone call, she was the one who answered. How financially fit are you and his other children? I would recommend, out of concern for his well being that you combine some funds and hire a private investigator to seek out information for you. They can find out what's going on, and if she has history of manipulation etc., in her past. That's where I'd begin, then you can go from there.
I hope this helps you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): You are not worrying for nothing because you obviously care deeply for your father. However, even though he is your father, he is still an individual with his own free choice. Unfortunately he has taken the (foolish) decision to ignore all responsiblity or contact with your or your siblings.
Sometimes in life you need to take a step back and say to yourself, I have reached my own limit in how far I can help/get through to this person, no matter who it is. The ball is in his court. Don't hate him, just continue with your life and hope that one day he will come to his senses. Antagonising him now will likely just cause even more negative feelings toward you. YOU come first and your own family/spouse/children!
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