A
male
age
51-59,
*aiyaz
writes:I have been married for 22years, till recently my wife and I were having a fantastic life together. but now there are signs of breaking up and it hurts me. I think my wife is going trough some psychological problem. in the past in the year 1993, my brother and my family treated us very badly, though over the years I got over it but my wife has not been able to forget the ugly past. i have forgiven them, but she cannot. i maintain good relations with them and that's what she hates, every time i talk to my brother, she becomes hysterical and uncontrollable, fights with me and whole scene is damn ugly, I try my level best to avoid my family, but circumstances arise where i cant avoid. she gets very depressed and it takes a lot of effort to get her back to normal. we have 2 kids and they also get very upset.please advice what should i do?
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male
reader, faiyaz +, writes (13 September 2010):
faiyaz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell in 1993, my brother was arrested under criminal charges.he was in jail and my parents were completely broken down, i took the responsibility to get him out of jail and help him. i lost all my money and property, but i succeeded in getting him acquitted it took 5 years.my brother mended his ways and started living his life and he is happy now. my wife cant get over it, she feels why i had to do what i did. we were broke and i had to take up a job after closing down my good business. well that's past and i want to forget and forgive, but my wife feels differently. she feels my brother should pay back for what i did for him and i feel i did my duty.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 She doesn't have to maintain a relationship with who she doesn't want to. That doesn't mean that you can't have one with people she chooses not to. It's not rude to, and it's not wrong. I think she needs counseling and that she has issues that are deeper than this relationship with family, but it's what's one the surface, so it becomes the excise to her anger and how she's been treating you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): What exactly happened in 93 that she has such problems with them??
Please give details as it is hard to really give advice yet...
And I do think it's wrong though to expect you to ignore your family...as in she should still respect it is your family at the end of the day and she can't expect you to pretend you never knew them
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