A
female
age
30-35,
*hula90h9
writes:hello i need someones opinion. im getting married in November but my family does not think that is the best choice. they say that if i get married im going to be miserable that im going to want to I've my life later on in the future and im going t turn out to be like my mother. she had kids young (i did too) she had me when she was 16( so did i) and had 2 more kids in 4yrs so she was 20 21 when she decided to live her life she abandoned us and got into drugs and just had the fun that i as her first child took away. well my family say that im going to turn out just like my mother.My thoughts differ. im very different from my mom. i don't like anything that she did since i was younger and no im not much of a fan of going out and having fun. when i do go out its always with my son. i cant imagine me being away from him. i know i will not turn out like my mother but my family say that if i get married being young i will end up like that. they're basically saying that we will not make it. he has a job and i know we will make it. what can i do? should i tell my fiance about what y family says? please help. i need to get out of my house but i feel that my family will not let me get out of their circle. they destroy each other and i feel that i have to escape this. please give me your advice.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 Whether it is true or not, it's too late now for them to offer their opinion. You're getting married in a month. And I doubt there is much that will stop you from going ahead with it, with it being only a month away. Besides, it could very well be the end of your relationship if you cancel the wedding now, and since you don't want that to happen, nor throw away all the money you've put into this, I think you'll go ahead with the wedding whether you truly want to or not. So their opinion doesn't matter now.
What you need to do is be strict with your family and tell them that if they can't support your choices then they need to keep silent, because their words are hurtful.
I was engaged at 19, and people were telling me I shouldn't be, because I was too young. We didn't even have a date set or anything and I still got the lectures. It's hard. I might have agreed, but I had accepted the proposal after all, I was wearing the ring, what did people expect? That I just throw it out the window because timing wasn't right? It was a huge dilemma. Maybe I shouldn't have ever accepted the proposal, and in hindsight I probably shouldn't have, but I was young and didn't know better.
You're young, you don't know better either. But people can't really expect you to drop your responsibilities at this stage. You made your choices, and like anyone else with pride in them, you stick to those choices. Same as would anyone else in your shoes. So you need to tell your family that the decision to get married was made long time ago, and that it is too late now to have second thoughts. So if they can not act supportive, then they must keep quiet.
Just, in the future, don't let pride get in the way of doing what you truly feel you must do. I'm not saying pride is in your way now, but pride has been in my way so many times in my life, where I thought "I'll show them they are wrong" over and over. Only to have to admit in the end that they were right, and I was naive and full of hopes. But once you're in deep, it is near impossible to turn around without looking like a complete fool (and that's when pride takes over common sense).
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2011):
 I see a huge red flag here... " i need to get out of my house "
are you marrying this man so you can get out of the house?
I THOUGHT and I guess I was madly in love with my first husband who I married at age 21. We seperated when I was 29 after having 2 children. I realized much later on that I married him because I wanted to be OUT of my parents house and have an excuse to quit school and get a job. I was just burnt out at that point. It was NOT the best thing to do but at that point in my life it was all I could see. It never occured to me to take a break from school and get a full time job for a bit... I could NOT see any other solutions other than the one that easily presented itself.
IF you love this man and he loves you, then as an adult you need to do what YOU think is right... we all eventually have to leave our families and make our own families and lives....
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 If you are in love, then why don't you wait until you are a bit older to get married? What's the big rush? Will anything really change once youre married?
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 You have a correct views. That's GREAT.Keep it always!
Time will reveal who is right on this matter.(don't tell fiance as this's negative thinking). Don't debate as I'll make you stress and worry all time.
Instead carry on marriage plans & prepare well. Show them You're strong.Prove they're wrong judging you on this matter.
I hope You have a Blissful marriage.Congrats!
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