A
female
age
30-35,
*yedyedturtle
writes:I live across the country from my family for work. Since I've moved, in three years, my family has only visited me twice. Every other visit has been my doing. I tell them I miss them. I tell them I'd like them to visit but they won't. They rely on me to do it. Money isn't an issue. They aren't mad at me. We are on good terms. But it feels like I'm the only one who cares about trying to take a vacation or plan a visit together. How should I handle this?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (11 December 2019):
 It's normal for you to want your family to visit you. You want to see them and spend time with them. I will ask though, how many family members are you expecting to travel to see you? It may be more convenient for one person to be inconvenienced in the process of meeting up (that one person being you) as opposed to more than one being inconvenienced so it makes sense in that way. I agree with anonymous in that when you move away as an adult, the assumption is that you will be home to visit near the holidays. Life gets busy and family life gets in the way sometimes so whichever is the easiest way to meet up is usually the best way especially since you and your family are on good terms, they probably don't realise how much it bothers you since as previously mentioned, it's common practice for adult children to return home to visit as it's just easier most of the time.
I agree that you should try to find the joy in the experience and enjoy being home. I understand that you would like for your family to make plans to come and see you more often but as I said, it may be way more of a process than you going to see them, is. Perhaps just try to go with it and mention that you'd like them to visit you more often so that you can show them around, spoil them and include them in what your daily life has become. They may not have considered that it may affect you in this way. You seem close with your family so this is something that a conversation can solve. You will be ok. I hope that you get to enjoy the holidays with your family this year.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2019): They may be trying to draw you back home.
I moved-away for a job offer also; and I do most of the traveling back home to see the family. I get their occasional visits, but I have the freedom to come and go as I please. My brother has to travel on his job, and stops by in his travels. I appreciate seeing him whenever I can. Going home isn't as easy as it used to be, air-travel is a pain in the butt! Traveling with kids for them can be a nightmare; and sometimes your luggage has its own travel itinerary; or takes the scenic route!!! Who likes dealing with runaway-luggage!
I love going home! The sights, sounds, smells, and people lift my spirits; and keep me returning! Year after year!
I use the train, and I love it! It's an adventure! I meet interesting people, I love the scenery, and there's little to no travel-stress. The seats are large, and I can get up and move if I want to. Then there's the dining car! Takes a little longer, but I adapt to whatever it takes. I just wanna go home!
Change your mode of travel and enjoy the experience. Make the trek home an adventure and a pleasure!
My parents have passed-on. My siblings are all married, have kids, and jobs. Money isn't an issue for them either. I've just resigned myself to be the one to travel home for holidays, weddings, family celebrations, births, deaths; and whatever the cycle of life presents. I always get a huge welcome, everyone spoils me, and I really like traveling anyway. They treat me like a celebrity; and I return the favor on the rare occasions they get to travel to my neck of the woods. I wish they'd come see me more often; but job responsibilities can take me away at a moment's notice.
You're on good terms. You chose to be the one who put distance between you. To keep you clinging to your family-connection, it's left up to you to close the gap.
Stop complaining, you know they love you! Hope you're going home for Christmas or Hanukkah!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2019): I'm in a similar situation, as is my partner with his family. It seems that by moving away everyone makes the assumption you should go back and visit rather than the other way round. I share your frustration.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2019): This doesn't really seem that unusual. When an adult child moves across the country, generally you end up seeing them at Christmas and maybe another holiday. If you visit once a year and they visit once a year is that not enough? How often do you want them to come?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2019):
 You are the one that moved away, so often the "burden" of meeting up is on you (as in YOU do the traveling home).
Maybe do some "meet in the middle visits"?
Maybe they just don't like the place you have moved to and don't really want to spend time or money going there. I don't know.
Maybe they felt like it's PART of growing up and being an adult that you go off and DO your own thing. So they gave you free reigns.
But you are perhaps better off ASKING your family why. They might not even think about this to the same extend as you are.
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