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age
36-40,
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writes: Ok. Basic story I had a great relationship of 7 1/2 years but there was always something missing, I always wondered if there was someone else out there. Well that someone came along, I really started to like this person because I work with her. It was never very flirty just talking about normal things. We would all go out as co-workers to get drinks and things of that nature but never anything alone together. Never cheated. I ended up breaking up the relationship (we had been engaged for 3-4 months by this time) I told my her I just wanted to experiece other people, having this other girl in mind. Well me and my new g.f. started to see each other within a week of breaking up with the old g.f. We slept together the first night she came over, it really wasnt about the sex but the passion we had for each other. Well anyway my family found out I had been seeing her, and even knew that I had been having sex with her through a friend of mine that lives underneather me that could hear us. I had tried to keep it from them to let them try and get over my ex gf being out of the picture now before I tried to introduce someone else. Well they flipped out and tried to manipulate me into thinking she's just into me to find a father for her 3 yr old son, its just a sex fling, she's needs someone to pay for her school, all these things. They we very mean and said things that were out of line about her that arent true. The thing is they have never even met her. I have kept her from seeing them because I know they dont want to meet her and would probably say nasty things. We ended up taking a break so I could think about things and get my head together, it really started because some family members was threatening to basically take me out of their lives. Well 3 days went by without contact and then I finally texted her about 6 pages worth of sweet things, that I missed her and all that because I just couldnt stand not being with her. We did not see each other for a total of 2 weeks but kept texting and calling each other, then finally one day I decided I wasnt going to worry about what my family thinks and I was going to do what makes myself happy. We got back together and have been together ever since. My family still doesnt approve of the relationship (most of them are very conserative, dont believe in sex before marriage and all that jazz.) obviously I am ok with sex before marriage as long as I love the person or can see myself marrying them. (a pretty resonable view) They just have a different view about things and think they can tell me how I should be. I guess my question is given all that is happened, can they get over it and accept that I want to be with her and her son, possibly marry her if it goes that far?? They havent even met her and already have this mindset that she is playing me and a slut. Isnt this un-christian to judge someone so harshly right off the bat?? I need your opinions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): To the last female anon Excellent advice. I actually do not blame your parents being upset. You judge them too harshly and I believe they have some sort of morals which you may find lacking. In life it is all about our choices and I can only hope your ex fiance moves on with her life asap and finds a good faithful man who will not use her for 7.5 years and then discard her. In the end we get what we deserve and I hope one day as you mature you may try to understand what I am talking about.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Your family is just mad that you would walk out on your 7 1/2 year relationship/fiancee for another woman. That is pretty sh*tty, so it is understandable that they feel that way. Thank God they have scruples. Imagine if they saw nothing wrong with it and encouraged this kind of behavior?? So they are taking it out on your new girlfriend. They can't disown you because you are their son so they have rejected her instead. I don't know, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. You can't force your parents to like this situation or like her. One thing I have learned about parents is that they are older and they know better most of the time. Perhaps they can already foresee that you are making a huge mistake and you are not thinking straight. I mean you are not even over your ex and are already inlove with someone else? You don't think those feelings are going to catch up to you or resurface at some point in the future? Just doesn't sound like you really thought this one out very well, not a good indicator of MATURITY, a quality all parents want their kids to have. But your ex is definitely better off without you. I mean with a man who will drop her like its no big deal and replace her like its still no big deal, man, you just did her a huge favor. So good for her. And now you are dating a single mom...who you probably have really good sex with...and you will soon realise that it's going to get old real fast...you are going to want something MORE (I guarantee it)...And since you have a sense of entitlement and seem to think it is ok to walk in and out of people's lives, we'll see how you handle this one (I can only imagine...) But perhaps you will prove everybody wrong. Time will tell won't it? In the meantime, let them cool off, respect their RIGHT to be upset (they have every right to be). Forgive them for taking out their anger on this woman (its misdirected anger. They are understandably being protective of their ex daughter in law's heartache and of their son's best interest). And if this woman is really worth all this heartache you have caused on so many other people, then give it time. With time your family and friends will come around.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): I am more concerned about her 3 year old kid: who takes care of him. Where is his father? Does the father pay child support? How much do you contribute to her and her household. You are young, barely over one relationship , now into another and you get saddled with a ready made family. I don't know , something not right here. I think for you from the frying pan into the fire.you are too close to the situation to really be objective, I think you are in lust right now and this woman has been around so the excitement is there. After the sex what else is there? You a ready made baby dad to someone eles kid. Not good, don't be used: trust me she is using you, you are too blinded by the sex to see it. One day you will wake up and smell that coffee....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): i think you are mistaken when you say you did not cheat on your ex of 7.5 years. you were already emotionally embroiled in your affair with your current gf in any event therfore you could replace the sex with the new one in one week. i think it is very un christian of you to have been with this woman while you were sill engaged to your fiance. you used her for how long - 71/2 years, that is what you did so stop acting so high and fly condemning your familys actions when you need to look at what you did to your ex. she invested all those years with you and what did you do - you replaced her while being engaged to her. so stop throwing stones and look at what you have done in your life.yest the sex is exciting and she was giving it to you from the word go but surely youneed to take a closer look at YOURSELF before you judge your family. I don't know kid, you are pointing fingers at your family BUT what about those fingers pointing back at you. - you are playing daddy to her 3 year old? where was the kid when you were sleeping with her on the first date? just asking....- are you contibuting financially to her?- does she make it a habit to sleep with her dates on the first date. is this a norm. I always say where there is smoke there is fire....its just a matter of time.....i am sure you will call me conservative and basically old fashioned but one thing in life i know: a leapord doesn't change its spots. so enjoy her and then go back to reality.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): Yes it is very un christian for people to judge I had it done to me when I first met my boyfriends family they didn't like me because I wasn't christian but he stood up for me because we love eachother very much his family just had to deal with it because it was his decision to make not theirs. And its been 5 years we are married and they learned to accept it we get along just fine I visit very often... but it took them like 4 years to finally accept me but my BF didn't care if they accepted me or not because he was going to be with me no matter what Love overcomes all and if you truly love her fight for her stand up for her make it very clear to your family that you love her and that she's part of your life... it will take a while but they won't have no other choice but to accept it eventually.... its your life and if this is the woman you love they can't do anything about it.... good luck I hope everything turns out good as it did for me
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female
reader, ladyjaye  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 your family are totally out of line. try to discuss your feelings about your new lady with some of your closer family members, such as parents and siblings etc and listen to their view... it is important for them to respect you as an adult. they should even have realised something was wrong with your last relationship if you were together for over 7years and only go engaged in the few months before your break up... to show her you are serious you should introduce her to the family members most accepting of her... maybe if she impresses them then they will pass on the message and eventually more family will probably want to see her for themselves... and congratulations for putting yourself and your feelings first and not being sucked into the family's demands!! gud luk!!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Sure they can get over it. In time. When they see you are serious about her and your relationship, and that you were not just seeking the thrill of a sex fling.And when they see that she makes you happy.
Don't demand though that they must love her or even accept her. You cannot please everybody, and as long each pary keeps being respectful, everything is fine.
But even if they should not come around- you are a grown man , not a goofy teenager, and you cannot let your family dictate your choices, least of all in your choice of a life partner. Even if they love you and they act like this in good faith, to protect you from making what in their eyes is a mistake. At your age you are entitled to choose your own "mistakes"
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