A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:unrequited love My flat mate and me fell for each other at uni three years ago. We had lived together for two years and just got on fantastically well, however despite her being a reasonably attractive girl I must admit that I didn't find her sexually attractive. To me she was like a sister. One night we did get drunk and sleep together and I remember saying the next morning that I never saw this coming... Always saw u as more of a sister. Christ wat a thing to say!!! Anyway it wasn't till a few months before we were due to leave uni that I realised I had genuine feelings for this girl way beyond friendship.I can still remember laughing to myself when I realised this. With her moving overseas I decided it best to keep my feelings to myself. However we ended up sleeping with each other on another two occasions, I must admit to being slightly immature and shy at this point in my life. On one occasion when in the pub a mutual friend questioned her on her feelings probably sensing something to which she replied she was crazy about me! However I seemed to shy to make any move and she was obviously leaving.Days before she left I don't know why I rather sheepishly told her I was crazy about her. That was it. I couldn't say anything else. She began to cry and then pulled herself together and informed me that nothing could happen. I was gutted! She left I got over it and we talked occasionally online.... The chat however intensified when she realised she would be returning to England. She would call me every time she got drunk and then text me after to say how much she missed me.The chat became an everyday routine. However upon her return I was living at the other end of the country. I had taken a job, which left me very little spare time. I went to visit her for her birthday and she was just so excited to see me it was awesome. We went out and ended up kissing. As always she made the first move, and when I asked her what was going on she replied your all I ever talk about to my friends but yorur just so shy.We didn't sleep together that night but left it at a kiss at the door. The next day however when leaving I thought to myself.... I have to say something! I stood at the door hugged her and she asked would I come up again soon to which I replied sorry I'm gonna be really busy!! I kno right!! I then told her I missed her and walked off!! Fool I know.So here's the kicker folks I sent her a bloody e-mail telling her how I felt and asking her out! I cringe now at the thought! she turned me down saying she loved me as a friend and was sorry it took her days to return the email as she said she just found it so difficult. We continued our friendship and talked everyday online for hours however I never returned to liverpool to see her!We speak often even now and met up recently. I am not a fool, I realise that my immaturity and shyness cost me. I have no doubts that if i were in the same situation now I would act completely differently. We appear to be drifting apart these days which I suppose is inevitable a lot of time has passed and I have no doubt that the feelings she may have had for me in the past have largely faded.I am also aware that the feelings I have for her were probably stronger than those she had for me. I regret deeply not making the effort. Alas she got away and I have come to realise that though I denied it for so long I loved. Her. She was my first love. I am a few years older now and a lot more mature and despite accepting the fact that my first love is seemingly unrequited I feel compelled to tell her just how much I love her, how special she was and is to me and that I do not regret for one moment falling in love with her.I remember once saying to her something along the lines of... I like u but don't love u (another classic). It is important that u understand that this is not an attempt to win this girl. This is something I would like to do... A gesture. .my question is this....I haven’t been a dick to her but have possibly unwittingly messed this girl around. I understand that our lives are moving in different directions and that contact will lessen more and more. I Simply want to get my feelings off my chest. I want to write her a letter telling her these things but above all I do not want to upset her! I plan to handwrite the letter and expect no reply. In fact I would not be surprised if it ruins our friendship. Is this something I should do? Will she treasure it or is it a soopy and selfish gesture? Too little to late... The letter will not highlight my regrets and will only seek to put a smile on her face. Yay or nay? How would u girls feel if u received such a letter would u appreciate it? I want honest answers! Whats a worst case scenario… ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): It might be a dollar short and a day late. And you did mess her around. But if you feel the need to do it, go ahead. But imagine that she does love you. And drops everything to be with you. Would that make you happy. Or would you feel trapped after awhile and wish you had never sent the letter. Its her feelings you are toying with. Bare that in mind before you post anything. She made it pretty clear how she felt about you and had to suck it up when those feelings werent returned. She may have had to do alot of work to move on. Is it really worth causing any problems in your friendship now with a letter. You can be affectionate when you chat. Tell her how you feel ect. I think a letter is a little self indulgent at this point. You see your paths diverging and want to be upper most in her mind for some reason yet you only visited her once when she asked if you would see her again. Id just leave her alone if i were you because you dont seem to know what you want from her.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 She would appreciate it. She didn't regret that special moment with you either. It won't mess up your friendship but it's not necessary to continue this friendship either. As both of you find other people to love, you will think of each other less and less, but you will never forget the special nights you spend with her.
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