A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My family (my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law and my sister-in-law's family) are terrible at buying gifts for me. They usually buy me clothes that don't fit, items that I don't need or want and other items that are useless to me. I usually pretend I love it, thank them, and a few months after Christmas (my birthday is in December too), I take all of the Christmas presents and birthdays presents that they got me to a homeless shelter and a thrift store that is run by the homeless shelter so I can donate it. I live in a small house so it is impossible for me to keep a lot of items that I don't need. This is usually not a problem since my family usually never comes over to my house. In the past 15 years, my parents only visited my house once and nobody else in my family has ever been to my house. Well, last night, my parents stopped by to check up on me because my dog died yesterday due to old age. They noticed that all of their presents that got me for Christmas and my birthday were still unopen on my kitchen table. They than started asking me questions like "Where is the Air Fryer we got you last year? (Christmas 2022)?". So last night, they realize that I no longer have any of the Christmas presents or birthday presents that they gotten me in the past 15 years. Needless to say, they did not reacted good to that information and I was not in the mood to deal with them due to my dog's death. So I kicked them out of my house and asked them not to come back over for a few months. They did take the presents that they gave me for Christmas, which I am 100% OK with. For next December, how should I handle this situation? I am ok if they do not buy me anything for my birthday or for Christmas. Should I asked them not to buy me anything? Part of me feels like I should stop celebrating birthdays and Christmas with them but I do enjoy spending time with my family.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 January 2024):
 I'm so sorry for the loss of your dog.
"Should I asked them not to buy me anything?"
You can do that now. Or you can suggest that a gift card or a donation to XYZ charity in your name would be welcome over a gift.
It's OK.
"Part of me feels like I should stop celebrating birthdays and Christmas with them but I do enjoy spending time with my family."
No keep celebrating with them but do let them know about the gift situation.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (8 January 2024):
 I would just be honest with your family and tell them a few months before Christmas not to buy you clothes or items for the house.
I think that for anyone, including myself i hate having clothes brought for myself because you are then in that situation of saying how much you really like it when you infact you hate it.
My family now don't buy me clothes, but go more along the lines of a voucher for somewhere so i can go and get what i want, my favourite aftershave, or a bottle of Captain Morgans Rum, items that i actually like.
I suggest that you talk to your family months before Christmas and say don't get you clothes or house items and tell them what you would prefer.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 January 2024):
 First of all, sorry for your loss. The effect of the loss of a loved pet should never be underestimated. They leave a huge hole behind when they leave. I hope you are ok.
Secondly, why not suggest to your family that, going forward, they "cut out the middle man" (don't tell them that, obviously) and donate to your preferred charity in your name as a Xmas/birthday present? Tell then you have everything you need for yourself but would be grateful if they could donate in your name. They could then just present you with some sort of card saying X amount was donated to X charity in the name of X. That way it saves them trying to figure out what to buy you, saves you the hassle of passing on stuff you don't want/need, and a charity will benefit as well. Everyone wins.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 January 2024):
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