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age
36-40,
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writes: Hi,I can honestly say that I love my boyfriend. I can honestly admit that I have never feel so much loved before him. However, I am not happy because my family been criticising him in the past few months.His business went down pretty bad. Most times, lately, he is struggling with his many bad lucks. I had offered many times to help him, but he insisting that I must not. And that he is the man, so he will settle them without my money. All he need is my moral support and always believe in him. Throughout these problems, he had never ask to borrow my money.Currently, he is struggling between jobs so that he could get up his business again. He had been super busy n every break time, he will call me and said that he is sorry for not being able to see me n that he missed me dearly. He talked about his job all the time.My problem is, I still want a breakup. I could handle being with him if only the problem is financial.. But I could not handle it if my family keep criticizing him like that. He begged me to give him 2 months. But i'm afraid that i can't stand the critics and i will let it all out on him.. this is hurting him and i've been hurting him so much since my family started this.What can i do...? he still wont let me go.. i dont have the heart to ignore him or hurt him anymore.. i love him dearly, but i just can't stand it no more.. please help.. all i think about is breakup..
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all.. i really appreciate your advice and thoughts.. i will keep all that in mind..
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reader, Thelaird1  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 The first thing I noticed was that everything good you say about him is referred to in past tense. You need to ignore your families comments and be strong.
If you keep letting their comments come between you, you will find that this will keep repeating in future relationships unless you take control now.
Take some time away with him and enjoy each others company for a while
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you again..Thelaird1 : the 1st thing i like about him when we first met was his sweetness n kindness n he was a gentleman.. i fell in love because he was wooing me gently, tenderness, he respect me n my family (unfair isnt), patient n the fact that he look so happy whenever h sees me.. (seriously, there r more, but these are on top of my head at the moment) we usually went bowling, or snooker or walking n talking.. our 1st date was in the zoo.. (",) he n i havent talked in 2 days now.. we had a long long conversation b4 that. he asked me to hang on but i told him i really cannot handle family pressure n i apologize for not being stronger.. he called after that, but i didnt notice (i was away from my phone) n other times, my phone was off.. i didnt call back cuz i really dont know what to say to him.. he would usually text me, but he didnt, so i guess it was not important.. i am so tempted to call him, but that would only upset us both even more right..? should i call back..? or is that just going to mess him up even more..?funniest thing, i know i did this cuz i dont get family's blessings (n mainly to stop their critics), but in the end, i am so bloody angry with them..[Mod note to the poster: please try not to use text or chat abbreviations when answering. Thank you for your consideration!]
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reader, soon567  +, writes (11 September 2011):
You need to slow down and think this through before its to late. They're criticizing him on a one sided story (your side) and not his, so criticizing him is easy to do without all the facts. You said they ask questions and you gave an honest answer, well it wasn't your place to say anything. Try this instead, if I had anything to say about anyone I would say it in their face not behind his/her back, therefore, you could have call him over for dinner and let them ask as many questions as they like from him.my wife has talk to her family about me until her father set her straight. You don't have that. This isn't a choice between you and your family, its a choice between you and the person you choose to be with.My advice to you is keep your relationship between two people and tell them when he's bring or miss bring you flowers and thing else is personal. You think you owe them answers then blab when and how many times he's going to lay you. For some reason i bet you want answer that at all, would you?You seem to care for this guy so think before you end this over success, the only failures are people who dont try. He's a success in my book, now if you can only see that.
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reader, Thelaird1 +, writes (11 September 2011):
You both need to sit down and talk things through openly and honestly.
In fairness to you Avril, you do seem to care about this guy a lot. Maybe you can just offer him friendship and support. Then hopefully things will improve all around in the future. He must feel like a complete failure at the moment and does need a friend.
I have my own business also and the slightest distraction can make things harder, so he needs to try to clear his head again if he is to pick up and make it work again.
I think your family are totally out of order and probably don't know much about him at all. This isn't necessarily your fault, as some parents can be like this.
When you first got together, what was it that you liked about him? What did you used to do together?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all.. Thelaird1: i admit.. that is what i have been telling him.. i am adding problem to his existing problem and i hate myself for it. could you give guidance how to convince him..? cuz he wouldnt let me go.. i really cannot stand this pressure from both sides...janniepeg: i would be very happy for him if he get successful and all.. but from far away.. we've only been together 6 months and his bad luck is caused by his stupid mistake in judgement.. am guessing picking me is one of it.. i have to admit that i do feel like they dont consider how i feel.. i really want my family be ok with him.. but it seems they dont (especially my mum).. i feel so sad about this..soon567: honestly, that is what i have told him.. i am not a good gf to him now or a good wife later on. i did begged and reasons for him to accept it and let me go.. but he said he had falling in love cuz no matter how upset i got with him, i still speak politely n honest with him.. i dont know what to do anymore.. but i have to disagree with ur 1st reason cuz i never thought this would be a problem to them. they asked of his business n i answer honestly. without any bad or insulting way.. it is business and this kinda things happens all the time.. i thought they would understand that cuz my dad was in business too.. so was my grandmother.. i never thought they would criticize this bad..bernard: i did try to explain that to my family. he is working hard to get back on.. i told them to stop criticizing him cuz he is a hardworking man.. i can honestly say that i believe he will get successful again.. but i cannot handle with my family criticizing him like that..i guess now i need advice on how get him to understand that breakup is the solution to our problem..? how to help him to let me go...?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all.. Thelaird1: i admit.. that is what i have been telling him.. i am adding problem to his existing problem and i hate myself for it. could you give guidance how to convince him..? cuz he wouldnt let me go.. i really cannot stand this pressure from both sides...janniepeg: i would be very happy for him if he get successful and all.. but from far away.. we've only been together 6 months and his bad luck is caused by his stupid mistake in judgement.. am guessing picking me is one of it.. i have to admit that i do feel like they dont consider how i feel.. i really want my family be ok with him.. but it seems they dont (especially my mum).. i feel so sad about this..soon567: honestly, that is what i have told him.. i am not a good gf to him now or a good wife later on. i did begged and reasons for him to accept it and let me go.. but he said he had falling in love cuz no matter how upset i got with him, i still speak politely n honest with him.. i dont know what to do anymore.. but i have to disagree with ur 1st reason cuz i never thought this would be a problem to them. they asked of his business n i answer honestly. without any bad or insulting way.. it is business and this kinda things happens all the time.. i thought they would understand that cuz my dad was in business too.. so was my grandmother.. i never thought they would criticize this bad..bernard: i did try to explain that to my family. he is working hard to get back on.. i told them to stop criticizing him cuz he is a hardworking man.. i can honestly say that i believe he will get successful again.. but i cannot handle with my family criticizing him like that..i guess now i need advice on how get him to understand that breakup is the solution to our problem..? how to help him to let me go...?
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reader, soon567 +, writes (10 September 2011):
Well let you and I hope that he open his eyes and see that you wouldnt make a good wife to him for many reasons.1.) why will you discuss your relationship with your family? If he hitting you then yes tell everyone, but if he's not then your relationship should only be between you two. When you go share your relationship with family and friends then you lose trust that will take time to repair. 2.) Its not your family as much as its you. You dont want to be with the guy for whatever reasons you find lacking. Money is very important to you and it has taken a toll on how you feel or relate to your boyfriend. You need to realize that and decide what you want. Your bf needs to get you and your family out of his business. This will be a bad marriage if you ask me. We all want our partner to stand by us in the good and bad spells, you on the other had will bail when things go wrong.Here: the next time they try to criticise your bf for whatever reason, tell them to mind there own business. If it was me then i would criticise there relationship and just start pointing out all the negative things that we all have. One thing you can point out is how and why you turn out so selfish and go from there. As you can see not everyone needs your money. Some people use money as away of controlling another like you want too. If he takes money from you, we both know he would never live it down.My advice to you if you cant just love a person for whom he is then just move on, love them for what they got then its basically using someone. I would just support them.
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reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Your family wants the best for you. They want you to have a man who provides without problems. They want you to be able to start a family before it's too late. However love is stronger than life struggles. Tell your family that you are aware that his condition is unstable now but you are patient. If your family only wants a trophy husband and are inconsiderate of your honest feelings you need to distance them a little bit. I don't know your story but I still suspect if it's his "bad luck" or a stupid mistake in judgment. Your family could be right. They lived longer. Two months is nothing. One day your boyfriend could be really successful and you would wonder about the what ifs. You need to keep your parents' words to yourself. Criticisms won't land him a job faster.
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reader, Thelaird1 +, writes (10 September 2011):
Well you need to be firm with him and tell him you want to break up. You also need to put your family straight and tell them to stop criticising.
It seems that he has a lot on his plate as it is and he needs time to concentrate on his own problems without added, unwanted distractions.
I feel for the guy, and I'm sure he needs your support, but it will be better for him emotionally once he let's go. It doesn't seem he has much choice.
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