A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a hard time with the differences my boyfriend and I have.On the one hand, I am so crazy about him. I really do geel that I am falling for him.It might sound petty, but there are a few issues I have with our differences that do make me wonder if it will work in the long term.We are from VERY different backgrounds. I had a great childhood, supportive family, comfortable financially etc. My parents are both university educated, as am I.My boyfriend, on the other hand, comes from a very rough family. Council house background, parents weren't a great influence, always drunk, being arrested, publicly fighting etc. Neither him nor his family are educated, none of them even have GCSE's.My boyfriend does very well job wise, however, and is very reliable. He makes a very decent wage and although he is not very clever or educated, he is very good at what he does (manual work).My family haven't met his family - if I'm honest I'm not looking forward to that. I know they won't have a problem with my family, but I know my family don't think he is good enough for me.They have told me I should be with someone educated and cultured. Although I know it's not totally important, sometimes I do wish he was more educated. He's a village boy, always had a simple life, such a contrast to me (I have been all over the world).What gets to me is the fact that I know my family don't totally approve, it slightly dampens my feelings at times when I htink about it. It's very important to me for my family to like my boyfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): As a mother of a 19 year old daughter, i can relate to what your parents say. You only want the best for your children and this is their way of protecting you and trying to give you the future they feel you deserve. Whilst nobody knows the future, being older teaches you that there are traits in life that follow. like alcohol, drugs, violence. I agree with the other poster that as you are educated that you need to be able sustain conversations on the same level, as believe you me you will tire of this in time. I have known many relationships that have a wide diversity in educational/cultural levels and in most cases they never last the signs of time. It has an impact on everyday things like the choice of food, where you socialise etc. So take all this on board and spend some time assessing whether you see a long term future with this man and if indeed he is on the same level as you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): I'd guess this probably boils down to his social graces, or lack of them. Some families are happy to have their beans on toast on the floor in front of the telly, while others would only eat what they consider a proper meal at a properly set dining table.
If the issue is one of earnings potential, it may be worth your parents considering the fact that a lot of plumbers do a lot better financially than say lawyers or other professions such as doctors, for example.
Maybe it's the way he speaks, in which case there's not a lot anyone can do about it. At the end of the day we're all of one race. Your parents may well be educated, but could they between them re-wire the house, change an electric plug or a tap washer? Everyone has their particular talents to offer the world. Because your boyfriend's family come from a council house and always in trouble that doesn't mean that they're worthless slobs or that your boyfriend will necessarily follow in their footsteps.
Maybe it would be a good idea to have a gathering of both families in a neutral location and have a get-together to learn more about all the other people involved. Only then can anyone form an honest opinion about someone else.
...and you can always educate him as to where all the knives and forks go!
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