A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I am in a bit of a tough situation. I love my girlfriend very much and she really is amazing. She supports me, makes me laugh and is generally brilliant. The problem I have is my parents don't like her. They have trust issues with her (I don't know why) and generally don't care too much for her. It's really difficult to talk them round. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2016): Either they see something you don't or they are very overbearing and can't stand to see "their baby" be taken away from them by a woman. And they feel threatened and jealous.You gotta figure out which one it is. I will say this. You are an adult. You are in your late 20's. You are old enough to make your own judgment of people. Friends/lovers. Without others (parents, friends) trying to sway you one way or another. It is inappropriate for parents to get involved like that in their adult kids' relationships. It is condescending for them to put that little faith in your judgment of this woman. I dated a guy once whose parents hated me. It wasn't because I'm a bad person, it was because they had a distorted view of a parent-kid relationship. They constantly needed their son, gave him no privacy or boundaries, and it was a sick, dysfunctional environment. They treated him like he was 2 years old. Both his mom and dad would call him several times a day. (He was 36 years old at the time). It was weird. His mom constantly wanted to know his whereabouts. They would schedule family gatherings several times a week and he would drop everything to attend. He was a part of the problem. He never stood up to it or changed the dynamic. If we had dinner plans and his mom called and "needed" or wanted him over for dinner, he would cancel on me to be by her side. Same with his dad. I always knew I'd be second fiddle and eventually stopped making plans with him as I knew that would change in a heartbeat for him to be with his parents. They hated me because they thought I was standing in the way of them having their son available to them at their whim. I'm not saying your relationship with your parents is like this. What I'm saying is that parents should foster a healthy parent-kid dynamic. One that encourages independence and sets boundaries. A parent should never interfere in their adult kids relationships. That is inappropriate. You should sit down and ask them about their concerns. And hopefully they can be open and honest. But be cautious and aware that parents aren't always right. And there is a possibility that their opinion of her could be self serving rather than fair.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 August 2016):
 Have you sat down with your parents (alone) and asked them what it is they don't like?
If they can't pinpoint REASONABLE issues, I'd tell them that YOU will date her regardless.
IF they point out things that you might have ignored because you see her through rose-tinted glasses, maybe it's time for you to LISTEN, THINK and figure out how it affect you.
If it's based on rumors, there are often a GRAIN of truth to those but it might also be OLD news, as in in her past and no affecting your relationship.
Sometimes people close to us sees things we don't, sometimes they are just overbearing and protective.
How long have you dated and what is the main issue they have with her?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 August 2016):
 You are a grown up, are you not? Then what do you think you should do?
Here is my advice: stand up for yourself. Your girlfriend is your choice, so your parents not respecting her means they do not respect you. Dont accept your parents belittling you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2016): I'm assuming your girlfriend knows how your parents feel? If so that must be very tough for both of you - she must feel very rejected. I'm not sure how long you have been together but you have a number of options. Speak with your parents and ask them directly, cards on the table time, what they have a problem with and see if their opinion is valid. If it isn't then you need to tell them that and explain why. If they are being directly rude to your girlfriend then you need to call them on that - it is not acceptable. You could create situations proactively whereby your girlfriend can be herself and relaxed and perhaps your parents just need to 'see' what you 'see' in her and they will come round. Some parents are naturally suspicious and sometimes mothers in particular can be jealous of their sons girlfriends and make real trouble to get their 'baby boy' back. Either way you are too old to be letting your parents dictate your personal life. It is going to be vital going forward with this girl that you take a strong stance and make it clear you back her up. I have been in your girlfriends shoes with a weak man who didn't stand up for me and his parents eventually split us up because they didn't really like me from the start. My ex has had a string of girlfriends since and I do wonder whether they have had the same treatment! You must decide you want this girl and then make it clear you expect your parents to accept your decision and to stop making trouble. If they can't or won't then you have to reduce your contact with your parents so they don't ruin things. Sadly, the attitude your parents have is forcing you into this whole 'them and us' situation. I hope their trust issues are justified because it seems very unfair on you both.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2016): Your parents perhaps don't trust your girlfriend because they can perhaps see aside of her that you can't.
Trust has to be earned and if your girlfriend is not doing herself any favours or presenting herself well infront if your parents then your parents will perhaps have their suspicions about her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2016): You should be old enough to tell the difference between your parents is trying to control who you love or listen to your heart. My in laws did not like me when I met my husband especially my mother in law.......apparently I was not a good enough Christian for her son. My husband was a BIG TIME mommas boy he obeyed her every demand except leaving me, she managed to manipulate him to leave me finally after 2 years of dating I came home all his stuff is gone from our apartment He even left his cell phone. She took him to Florida for 2 weeks for a fresh start......he came back to me as soon they returned , we dated for 4 years & married for 6 years with kids. Be careful don't let your parents choose for you, don't let this girl know they don't like her......if by any chance you married her she will remember your parents behavior towards her. My mother in law realized she can't talk her son into leaving me so she start to bully me saying mean things to me when her son is not around......right now she regrets what she did but it's too late, I've seen her true colors.
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