A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My family does not approve of my husband because he is another race. I married him anyways because I love him and he loves me. I just had a baby in April and now my family decides they want to talk to me and see the baby. I have said no because I am hurt still for them not coming to my weddding. My husband says I should see them. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Just spotted this one - so my answer may be too late.
Anyway, I thought I ought to add to the other replies that yes, you should let your parents come to see your baby. It may well be the first step in rebuilding the important relationship between you and your parents - and more important still, the first step in the right direction between them and your husband.
Don't be too hard on them. It's not always a racial thing when people (particularly family) appear to be racist. A cultural difference can often be difficult to cope with in a relationship, and they are right to be worried and concerned about you. It's the differences of cultures and attitudes that makes so many inter-racial relationships falter even when love is strong. Don't blame them for worrying, even though it clearly became an issue that went over-the-top when they didn't come to your wedding.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 Hi,
racism is endemic in today's society. You only have to look at your election campagin with Republicans smearing Obama's so called hidden agenda against white people. They are preying on the average folks inherent racism because they know it is there and it wins votes.
So your folks are just like millions of other Americans - ignorant and ill educated.
But they are handing an olive branch to you. You should take it, your child should have his grandparents in his/her life.
But for your own piece of mind make it conditional. Say to them you are more than willing to let them see their grandchild but they need to make an effort to make up with your husband. They need to say they were wrong and what they did was racist. Everyone deserves a second chance, if they are not prepared to extend the olive branch to your husband as well then you have every right to deny a visit to see your child.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Yes you should let them see the baby. This is your opportunity to fix everything and have your family back. They probably now regret their rejection of you and your husband because there is a new baby to love and they dont want to miss out. Let them in! Let them see the baby and love the baby. Let them see you and your child loving and being loved by your husband. Let them see what a great husband and father he is. As the previous posters said, the ground rules are that they have to show respect and be civil. But as time goes on and your husband is wonderful, respect and civility will turn to love.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (14 May 2008):
 You only get one mom and dad. Yes, they messed up, but they are human too. A parent will never get everything right 100% of the time, so you have to try and forgive them for those mistakes they make.
Try and build a bridge between your parents and your family. You may be surprised that a little time apart may have opened their eyes and let them see the bigger picture. That their daughters happiness is more important than any race or colour difference.
Give them a chance to try and make things right. However you need to let them know beforehand what the rules are! Tell them how they hurt you and that its going to take some time before you can forgive them, but that you are prepared to try. Let them make the next move and see what happens.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes if you decide to let them see their grandchild.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Maybe you should talk to your family first. Tell them the ground rules. He is your husband and no matter how they feel about him, they MUST respect him, especially in your home. If they understand how you feel then I think you should let them see the baby. As long as they are respectful to you, your husband, and your newborn, all will be fine.
By the way, I have had this happen in my own family but they got over it. I guess they figured out that sometimes you have to suck it up and lay aside prejudices and beliefs, family is more important!
I hope it works out for you!
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