A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just found out after six months of dating my boyfriend that he has kids. He told me he didn't should I dump him ? I have not talked to him for 3 days and he keeps calling and leaving messages about how sorry he is. Thanks for any input someone can give. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (15 May 2008):
 When you are first dating it is typical not to tell everything about yourself but kids are a pretty important thing in your life. That news should actually come out right away because you aren't just going to have a relationship with the guy but also with his kids in the long run. If you've been dating for 6 months you should have even met his kids by now. I'm guessing from your post that he did not tell you about the kids, that you found out so for how long was he going to hide them? Why was he hiding them? Was it fear that you would not want him OR was it that you weren't important enough to him to meet the kids? Whatever it is, the guy has issues. The other poster is also right in that if he hid the biggest thing in his life, what else is he hiding. Sorry but no 2nd chances here for Romeo. Find someone who if he has kids is proud of them, enough to tell you about them and if the relationship goes somewhere, where you will be important enough to meet them. Next time he calls, pick up the phone and ask him kindly to leave you alone, that you are not interested in a man who could ommit something as important as his kids.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 Hi,
he could have just been very nervous about admitting this, especially as you are still quite young.
but it is still dishonest and he should have told you.
Now the problem apart from his dishonesty is the fact that he has to support these kids as well. If you manage to forgive him this will be a financial burden for both of you if you get married. At your age I dont think you believe you need this drama in your life.
Do what you are doing now, dont pick up the phone. Hopefully he will learn his lesson.
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 I dont know how long you have been going out, but if it were me in your shoes I would be seriously thinking about his commitment to the relationship. A relationship is built on trust and honesty, and if he cant get that right from the getgo, I wouldnt think twice about showing him the door.
Its one thing to lie, but to lie about something as major as kids, is something else all together. Seriously! Did he think you would never find out? How dumb is that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): My dad was that guy, always telling his girlfriends he didnt have kids. He'd marry them and then they would find out. Being the kid in this situation and seeing it from the inside of the lie, I can tell you, it wasnt the only lie he had. He has been married over 7 times, and with each of them came a book of lies. A person with nothing to hide, hides nothing. You have to wonder, if he will lie aout something as important as his kid(s), what else is he hiding from you?
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