A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.. it's a family problem I need help with ... Both my mum and dad are functioning drinkers both work hard but like a drink .. my issue is that it's been this way for years and this puts me off drinking and i have struggled for years that no meeting has been without drink for them .. they try and push it on me and my husband although we are both none drinkers ( his ex wife died of drink problem) i dont have a need for getting merry i have a fulfilled life without alcohol... my partner and me have a special child to need our wits about us anyway we were invited round for a get together and yet again the alcohol comes out even before we got there again ... I have had many conversations about why we carnt meet up with out drinking but it falls on deaf ears .. I get it's thier home but they make a point of trying to get us to drink and when we say no over and over they say we are boring.. they get grumpy if we leave or dont turn up .. why can they not see us without drink .. I have a brother and for years he felt the same but now hes just as bad ... I dont care that they like a drink but why all day or every time we go around . Many thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2020): Hi
Why not ask them to get you or take with you non-alcoholic drinks (some very nice ones on the market) so that you are still in a sociable atmosphere and not always having to decline, they can't get annoyed at your choice of beverage.
They will soon forget it is nonalcoholic and you will.
I can take or leave having a drink, sometimes I really feel like it but sometimes I buy nonalcohol bottles just for me and take them with me to be sociable and stops people pestering me or I make my own and Christmas time the real McCoy all to myself.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (7 September 2020):
 The problem is we can't change people, our family, our friends, our colleagues are what they are.
Your right to stand your ground, be firm like you have been and refuse an alcoholic drink when you go around to visit, and just let the negative comments wash over you.
Another option might be to get your parents to get some non alcoholic wine, or non alcoholic beer, or bring some around your self. I often have this if i'm driving and it feels just like i'm having a beer with everyone else. Just a thought that's all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2020): I don't drink. I never have. People try to get me to taste this or that wine (I live in France) and I just politely refuse saying that I don't like the taste of alcohol in any form which is true.Now, the problem with your parents isn't that they drink, but it's that they're forcing others to do so since they need validation of their behavior. I've know alcoholics and not all are aggressive, but your parents are and there's only one way you can deal with this: don't give them the opportunity. I know it may sound drastic, but as long as you play the role of a disapproving kid (in their eyes boring), you will participate in their show. And for some reason they enjoy that too. Either way they got what they want drama or everybody drunk.Let them get grumpy when you don't come around. You need to stick to your guns until they realize that it's their aggressiveness that's a problem, not drinking itself. Sometimes people won't accept other people's boundaries and sometimes those people are our parents. Just because you are their kid it doesn't mean that you have to tolerate abuse, because that is the right word for what you are describing. You are an grown ass adult. Act like it. You can protect yourself and your family, do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2020): Limit your stay, or just don't go.
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