A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First let me start by saying ive dealt with stalkers etc a fee times in my life. I had one that violently stalked me when i was 18 i had to get a restraining order against, he got wrapped up in other charges since and is now doing life for rape. Then another abusive boufriend 4 years ago ive a life time restraining order against who gets out for kidnapping me and beating me up in about 4 months after doing 4 years. Ive had several exes and guys that ive friendzoned and never dated who for some reason became obsessed with me and i had to sever every tie in order to get away from the things that come with that. I wasnt sure what about me drew the bottom of the bucket to me but i put in the work to avoid such guys since then and after some counseling started dating again. This time i found the sweetest most sane guy ive ever been with and we are very happy together.A guy i broke up with a year and a half ago after 4 dramatic months together has yet to move on and is still posting about me online pretty much everyday. Im engaged and excited for my new found happiness but i worry about the ex potentially causing issues or becoming spiteful at some point. I have him blocked but when i log in on an old account to see whats being posted, mainly because people regularly tell me he posts about me nonstop, i see things such as "yea she broke my heart and doesnt seem to care at all" or "ill never love again, shes all i can think about" sometimes the posts will include my name or initials, sometimes theyre passive aggressive like once they mentioned how he came across nudes i once sent him or other times theyre insulting me. Its been well over a year and a half and im starting to tealize there really is something very off in this guys head that i didnt fully see when we were dating. Often times i see mutual friends or even some of my family i rarely talk to interacting on the posts. I feel lost amd helpless as to how to bring it to a stop. I know that confronting him will only make him mad or do something dumb. He posts stuff like "how can someone claim to love you but then move on like you never existed" as if a year and a half im not entitled to move on with myself. Its becoming the talk of my friends but i try to leave my new partner out of it when i can as really i usually push ot out of my head and am able to ignore it in my day yo day but whenever i go back and look again its always weeks worth of more stuff. How can i cope with this and how long does it take people with borderline personality disorder to get over someone? Our relationship was not a very happy one as we argued almost everyday over big stuff.
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broke up, engaged, move on, stalking, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 October 2020):
 I understand you are hyper aware of the possibility that he COULD begin to stalk you. Because you have dealt with that in the past.
I don't want you to think my first answer was a dismissal of your fear and feelings.
You need to make sure you keep yourself safe. Which means change your locks, keep your social media private. Consider a security system. Can be something simple.
Venting about you or "bitching" about you on social media is his prerogative, just like YOU are "venting" here on an anonymous website about him.
I think if you FEEL he has crossed a line where YOU feel unsafe, you need to contact the Police. But I don't think they can do much about this, as he hasn't really "crossed a line" other than posting how upset he is that you two didn't work out and basically blaming you.
Stay away from HIS social media - because YOU stalking HIS social media is no more OK than him trying to stalk yours.
People work through break up in many ways. He having a mental issue might mean he doesn't really know HOW to process it so writing stuff (essentially journaling) might make him feel like he is trying to figure it out, if he KNOWS he has an "audience" in your friends and family he KNOWS it will get back to you and HURT you, which in turn makes him feel vindicated in feeling it's all YOUR fault it ended. Which will KEEP him engaged. If that makes sense.
" how long does it take people with borderline personality disorder to get over someone? "
No one can tell you that. No one can give you a timeline here. But YOU need to focus on YOUR life not his or his mental health or social media posts about you.
Let him go TOTALLY. ASK your friend to PLEASE stop telling you about what he says and stop to ENGAGE with him about you. THEY are NOT helping you. Or him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 October 2020):
Maybe YOU and your friends need to IGNORE his stuff. He actually CAN post about his feelings all he wants. I don't think there is any laws about that.
If I were you I would contact Facebook (if that is where he posts) and see if they can remove things with your name in it from his posts, if possible.
But you are probably going to HAVE to accept that you have made some piss poor choices in men in the past that you have ABSOLUTELY no control over what they say, feel or think. UNLESS it becomes defamatory. Then you can sue.
This might BE how he works through his "grief" over the end of the relationship.
Why are your friends and family stalking his website?
This guy is living rent free in your head. Mentally kick him out, focus on YOUR life, YOUR future and leave this das man to rant about you and his broken heart. If you STOP looking, if your friends and family stop looking he will no longer have an audience.
Simply, STOP feeding the troll. Sorry, that is the best I can suggest.
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