A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so... I had been with my ex boyfriend for 2 years. We had a very toxic relationship and looking back i really wish i had got out sooner. We would constantly argue, he was very spiteful towards me, he was addicted to porn lied to me on a number of occasions and cheated on me more than once! I too was no angel and i also played my part in making the relationship unhealthy but no matter how many times i forgave him and tried to work at things he would eventually fall back into his old ways. I finally gave up a realised i deserved so much better and officially ended things with him. I blocked his phone number and blocked him from contacting me on social media sites. It had been 3 weeks since i had no contact with me and i was feeling so great in myself, i was enjoying spending time with my friends again without always thinking about him and where he was, i took up jogging and started painting again. I just felt so happy and at peace with myself.He had been calling me for the passed 2 weeks from phone boxes and leaving voice messages (which i haven't listened to) and trying to call me from his friends phones. I just assumed he would give up soon, but then he turned up at my work (i work in a bar) and just sat there for about an hour. I eventually approached him and told me he needs to leave me alone and that we are over and he just needs to accept that and move on! He stayed for a little longer and then eventually left. When i arrived home that night he was sitting on my door step and wouldn't move i tried to explain to him again that i didn't want this anymore and how happy i felt now and that we are both better without each other. He just brushes everything i said off and said he loves me and we can make this work and we have something worth fighting for and he can be a better than etc etc. I left him on my door step and went to bed! The next morning i wake up to a huge bunch of flowers sitting by the door with a note saying he is sorry for all the pain he has caused me. This is already so hard for me because i cared about him so much, and walking away from him was a very difficult thing to do and this is just making it even harder. It starts to make me think again that maybe things can work out but i know they cant! I don't want to be with him anymore and just want to move on with my life in peace but he really wont let me! He is so persistent and its making me feel like i cant properly move on until he completely leaves me alone! How can i get him to see this? And just let me go?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 March 2014):
 Been there, its a toxic situation. All you can do is continue to ignore him, your doing well so far.
If he steps up the attempts to talk to you then either call in a male relative or friend to speak to him, or if it gets extreme, get the Police involved.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 March 2014):
 What Ciar said.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 March 2014):
 Keep doing what you're doing and eventually he will move on. If he shows up at your work again do not approach him. If he doesn't order a drink let the manager eject him. You don't need to have any contact with him.
Otherwise I think you're handling this well, especially leaving him at your doorstep and went to bed.
Do NOT explain anything more to him. He's been told it's over and you've been acting like it's over. There is nothing more to explain and the last thing you want to do is give him false hope by even engaging him in a discussion. Talking is negotiating and the longer you talk, no matter what you're saying, the more chance he thinks he has of convincing you to return.
He's had plenty of bites at the apple. he blew it. Like I said, just keep doing what you're doing and let time do the rest.
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