A
female
age
36-40,
*ib1
writes:Its been a little over a month since our break up and we were together for two years. He has been texting me several times a day and calling me. He told me he wanted to be friends but the constant texting (some letting me know he was thinking about me others telling me about his day) which seem more like a boyfriend than a friend.I told him I wasn't sure yet if I could be his friend since the break up was still too fresh for me to make a decision and I have never befriended an ex. I asked him if he still loved me and thats why he kept texting me so much, he said that he still does but his feelings have changed and he believes that he has accepted that before me. Youch! But then proceeded to say that in order for me to be his friend I "couldn't go dating behind and flirting with other guys behind [his] back"!First of all I completely understand not wanting to know if I was dating because it would still hurt but to say "behind my back" is possessive. I feel like he telling me to give something up to get from him less than what I was getting before. I am getting frustrated and confused. What is his deal!?PSRomantic reconcilliation is out of the question because he moved out of state and we're both too busy with our new jobs. I wonder if its even worth trying to be his friend if he is so far away.
View related questions:
flirt, moved out, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 August 2008):
 I can't figure out why you feel the need to justify yourself to your ex, in order to meet his requirements for being a friend. PTUI to that! He's your ex for a reason, right? And you said that you've never actually successfully turned an ex into a friend? So why are you working so hard with this one?
I'd tell him that you're cutting contact with him, as you are not going to discuss your lovelife with him. I mean, I certainly wouldn't! That's crazy to even consider.
What is his deal? I think you're asking the wrong question. The question is, what is my deal? What do I want? Then go get it. Who cares what he is thinking right now? Let him deal with his own feelings and stop letting him manipulate yours.
Good luck, you may have to be a bit strong and cut contact with him for a while, until you sort out your own feelings and what is best for you.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Cut him off and dont have anything to do with him. He's quite obviously a manipulator. You dont do mates with exes, so why is this guy any different?
Because he is the pushy type thats why. And you can bet your life HE will be dating all n sundry and before you know it, you wont hear from him again, because he will be settled down with someone new.
Dont let him try and control you. A month is a bit soon to start dating anyway, but at the end of the day, its none of his business ey!
C xxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (28 August 2008):
 It sounds to me like he is into controlling you emotionally, and frankly, do you really even like him to be his friend? How can you respect him for wanting to rein you in and not care about your happiness with someone new? And if you can't respect him, how can you like him to stay friends? A true friend would want what's best for you, which means he would want you to find happiness. Why care how he feels about you dating someone new? You don't have to answer to him for your decisions about your life. He doesn't own you. I would cut the cord completely so you can move on with your life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): I think you should set some boundaries with him. Tell him that you want him to give you some more distance. Also make it clear to him that your dating is none of his business and that if he can't handle it then he shouldn't be friends with you. Also I can't help but feel that his desire to know about your dating comes from that whole feeling guys get when it comes to things their gfs have done in the past. The whole "I need to know, but then when I find out I wish I hadn't" If you think he still has feelings for you it's MUCH better if you don't tell him about your dating life.
...............................
|
