A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I hate my ex, he's so selfish. Ever since we broke up in May, things have been his way. When he wanted to talk, we talked, when he didn't want to talk, we didn't talk. When we broke up I met another guy, who was interested in me and told me he liked me. For a while I entertained the idea of dating him, but eventually I realized I wasn't over my ex and that I wanted to be alone. I told him. He continued posting things on my Facebook wall, etc., which I didn't mind.I blocked my ex from Facebook. The thing is, he has gone out of his way to get info on what I've been doing. He's asked friends of friends of friends, one of his friends hacked one of my friend's Facebook, etc. The thing is, all the stuff that was happening with this guy, he found out about. This weekend was hard, as he harassed me with questions about this guy, etc. I kind of lied, because I hate how he reacts, plus it's my privacy and we're not even together! But he found out through third parties, and condemned me for being a liar, keeping the info from him and leading this guy on, etc. He said "If he liked you, then why didn't you tell him to stop, why didn't you get angry with him and tell him to go to hell?". He called me many hurtful names, and now ignores me because he says I'm not worth his time.I mean, I haven't done anything wrong, I'm SINGLE! So I figured, I know NOTHING about him, I don't know if he's been messing with other girls, nothing at all, I haven't even asked mutual friends about him. So I asked him many questions which are unanswered, even from the time we were together (he wasn't the best boyfriend). He refuses to answer, he says I'm a liar and not worth his time and that he has nothing to discuss with me. I hate this. I feel he violated my privacy, that he trashed me, now my self esteem is low, I have a lot of unanswered questions and feel this situation is totally unfair! I don't know how to let go, I'm still not over him, and I don't see what I've done wrong! he has no right over me, especially since we're broken up, so why did he expect me to tell him that another guy was after me? That's not even my fault and nothing I can control, and that's not a reason to tell someone to go to hell, right? I mean during our relationship he made doubt myself, especially physically, many times, and he's not even willing to give me peace of mind concerning that. It's not fair, and I don't know how to feel better, or feel like we're even. It seems like everything I do is wrong, or that I'm evil.
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broke up, facebook, liar, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Nathan1  +, writes (6 January 2011):
Aside from the issue with the facebook, you're not interested in getting back with him, are you.. You say you talk when he wants to talk, you keep away when he wants to be left alone. What do you want? Your behaviour is complacent. It sounds to me like he still has strong feelings for you but from reading your mail I dont think you feel the same. The next time he tries to get in touch blank him. There's no sense in giving him false hope. He's hurting and he'll get over it in ime.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 You don't owe him jack squat. You don't owe him answers, the time of day, the leftover toast on your plate, or even a thought. He has proved himself unworthy of your time and attention, so he doesn't get any! Let him stew in his own hatefulness while you go out and live your life the way you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): ~AS THE EX TURNS~
Don't allow his Dr. Jekell-Mr. Hyde behavior to rain on your parade.
If you still love him, tell him. Be his friend. And, when he inevitably jumps off the deep end again, step away and allow him his privacy.
Then close your umbrella...and...bask in...
~ANOTHER WORLD~
You're boyfriend knows he has a diamond.
La la la...*sigh*
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 I forgot to mention something, I thought it was obvious but then remembered that you are still in touch with him... stop it. Cut all contact. If he was able to be friendly with you you could have stayed in touch, but he is not being friendly. He is being an ass and playing games with you and being jealous and controlling. Avoid him, block him, don't reply to ANY texts, don't pick up the phone if he calls and NEVER call him. Delete his number, don't bring your phone with you if you are going to a party (you really want to avoid the temptation of calling in the middle of the night when you are drunk).
Don't talk to him or communicate with him in any way. Period. Staying in touch with him this way is only allowing him to harass you. Put an end to it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 November 2010):
You know you did nothing wrong. Your ex is a bad person, controlling and angry. You are right in your judgment of the situation, and you know he has no right to demand answers from you. And if he chooses to call you a liar, so what. Who cares. Let him think what he wants to, he's not your concern any more. Don't answer any more questions from him, and if he continues to harass you report him to the police (as if he phones you endlessly, shows up at your door, stalks you, threatens you etc).
Blocking him from facebook is one good step. The second step is to be careful with what you post on facebook. Try to keep your privacy to yourself, don't post details about your life online. Tell good friends only. If he decides to stalk your friends or friends of friends, they need to be the ones to tell him to step off. He is NOT your responsibility. If he harasses someone else, even if it is asking about you, it is not your problem, nor your fault. That will be between him and those particular friends.
So if he asks more question, don't answer him. Tell him it's none of his business and walk away. Don't go places alone where he might corner you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Well I think your ex is a lunatic and that's it is a good thing you two aren't an item anymore.
I strongly suggest you cut ALL contact with him. No more texts, e-mails, phone calls NA-DA! Block his number and ignore his shenanigans. HE wants you to be aware of him 24/7. He wants you to be miserable without him. Need him, want him. The more you buy into all his crap the more it will hurt - YOU.
He is an ex, which means.. he belongs in the past.
Who cares if he is dating or not? I think the sooner you let him go, the sooner he will move on too. Hopefully.
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