A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 28 year old male who was married to a woman for the last 5 years and have a 3 year old son with her.I found out she was cheating for over a year with my best friend that Ive known since elementary school. I was upset but tried my best to work it out with her. I worked my butt off to support her and my son, I gave her a brand new car, I gave her whatever she wanted. Our house was even paid off. This was even before I found out about the cheating. Well, she ended up divorcing me to be with the so called man I called my best friend. Nothing has ever hurt me so much. She got our house that I paid for, which he is living in it now with her, they both drive around in the car I bought her, she got a lot of money from me, I don't get to see my own son much because she makes everything difficult, which I know I can go back to court to take of that, but still. From what she told me and from what I thought, I thought we had a good marriage so I'm still confused. She knew my ex girlfriend did this exact same thing to me, with some guy I knew. My ex wife promised she would never hurt me or mess up our family. I don't understand how or why this happened. I got totally screwed over by the 2 most important people in my life. My family tells me to just get over this and worry only about my son which I plan to do, my son is always number 1, but how do you move on from something like this? It's like I can't trust anyone anymore.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 September 2015):
 There is no way to explain why she did it. And while I get that you hurt from the betrayal (who wouldn't) - I would suggest you let it go and focus on your son only. SHE isn't worth "trying" to figure out.
You family is right. Get a lawyer (I'd say a better one this time) and get your visitation rights and EVERY time she messes you around with the visitation, you take her to court. Maybe consider shared custody.
How do you move on? Well, I don't think it's going to be easy for you. Your wife and your best friend are people you should be able to trust and as it turned out you couldn't.
ACCEPT that your marriage is over, accept that when she said she would never do like your ex - she lied. She failed you.
Not all women (in the future) will be like her and your ex. NOT all women cheat. Don't start dating till you are ALL the way over it. Till you have have accepted that it happened and there is nothing you can do about it.
Cheating wasn't about you, it was about HER. Less than 5 years of marriage and she cheats... with her husbands friends. THAT is on her (and him) THEY made that choice.
Now you may thin they will ride happily off into the sunset with all your "material stuff" - but, they will also have a hard time trusting each other.
Spend as much time with your son (don't talk bad about your ex or the dude) make them non-subject around your son. BE the primary male role model for him, he will need it.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (3 September 2015):
 Im sorry that you are having to experience such betrayal. This is huge and shouldn't be unfairly trivialised by anyone to be suggesting that you should "just get over it". You should be angry,disappointed and wanting to pop him one-please don't though- and it is only natural to be wanting answers. Whether or not you get them is another thing. There so many stages of separation that you will go through, google them and I'm sure you will read them and go " Yep, yep, Oh yep and so on." Not of much help but it will let you see that this is all normal emotions. Statements about not doing to you what your ex did are statements made as an outsider looking that they are a better standard of human being than she. Oh how the high and mighty have fallen which in some cases enough to bring out the claws. Because now she is the same 'bitch' as she once looked down upon. Being a good provider as you were should give you confidence to know that you can do it again, might not be as good, as big or as much but achievable. I just don't understand why courts find in favour of the mother when the other parent needs to be able to provide security for the child also. Get legal proceedings in place. Custody can be a very painful and financial experience so if she is already making things difficult then you need to start by getting all your ducks in a row- keep a diary of dates and conversations, never go to see her without taking someone as a witness-not a female chances are this will be used as ammunition, never see her alone, txt talk for records where you can but don't engage in anything other than the arrangements of your son. As hard as it will be don't even acknowledge this Judas best friend. Whatever comes your way don't give up or be bullied out of your right to being a dad. As for your personal self get social,even when you don't want to, stay connected to friends, stay healthy and ask for help when you need it. How do you move on, by accepting the things that you cannot change and solace in the fact that both he and her have a relationship that each is capable of of cheating deceptive and untrustworthy behaviour. Not good partner material and self deserving of each other.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (3 September 2015):
 Whatever has happened is over now and you need a good lawyer to enforce your rights with your son and examine your legal position in all this so you are not screwed as much by your ex.
As for the material things that you paid for but your ex and her lover are now enjoying, you just have to let go because the judge ruled and even though it is unjust against men in many cases, rest assured that whatever she got will eventually wear off and break down. Given that she only knows how to possess things and has no clue how to pay for them, you will at that time be ahead of her because you can get yourself another set.
So focus on your son only, be sure you enforce your rights about him, make sure he goes through school... and just let go of the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): Sorry to hear about this. I feel your pain. For a betrayal to happen once is bad enough - but twice with your old friend is terrible. Especially when you were married with a child.First of all remember you are too good for her and him - people like this don't deserve happiness and I'm sure she'll end up worse off in the end. My female friend betrayed me by having an affair with my ex - but it was not half as bad as your situation seems to be as luckily we weren't together long.The first thing you need to do is block all contact from both of them - except for when you are with the child. Apart from that - just act as if they don't exist. It will help heal things quicker in the long run - although it may be harder seeing you will always have this bond with the child.I wish you luck. It will get better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): Your gut feeling is right. You cannot trust her anymore.
I would suggest you start exploring your legal options. Getting custody, or maintaining the visitation rights you should have, what you gave her in the divorce and how much you pay her, etc. Get airtight paperwork on what you have given her or else it didn't happen.
Its not what you want to hear but its where this sad story is eventually going. Your ex-wife has shown every sign of being willing to do you wrong to get whatever she wants.
Right now she isn't going after more of your money & rights because she doesn't have a reason to. Yet. But wait until she grows bored with the amount of your hard work she has already taken. She will be back for more. You need to stabilize the balance of power between you & her right now. Don't wait until she has already tipped it farther. (You might find out in the form of legal paperwork arriving at your house.)
Be proactive and start covering your own ass right now. Don't get rude and don't tell her that you are doing any of this if you don't have to. But DO IT.
You have been warned.
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