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male
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anonymous
writes: I was married for 14 years and have two small girls. My wife and I have been divorced for 5 months, but seperated for 3 years. We are still very close, I see her every day and usually have dinner with her and the children. We even go on daytrips with the children on weekends and she plans to go on holiday this winter with all of us. She just told me that my married best friend and her have been having an affair and she had to break it off because of all the lying. He has been non stop calling her and threatning her. I being still very much in love with her have been giving her moral support thru all this. I am so torn between trying to keep her close hoping someday she will fall in love with me again, or should I just stop all this and try to get her out of my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): I dont think you should do either..dont sit around waiting for her to fall back in love with you there is a reason relationship breakup remember this..also you cant shut her out of your life for the sake of your children together..make the most of the closness not alot of parents can have this closeness and support towards their children like you two have.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): I think there is hope. You both sound like you are still best friends. If you have been seeing her on and off these past years and still are very friendly, it could work. However, maybe go slow and take small,baby steps. You don't want a repeat of the 1st time. So maybe ask her if she would be willing to date again. Tell her you understand she would view you as anyone else she was dating. After all, you would be creating a 'new' relationship from the very beginning, not trying to resurrect the old one back. Both of you are likely different people now, with new perspectives..so if you want the old life back, I can tell you for certain that you won't get that. You don't just get to hit the "reset" button-life doesn't work that way. Things might be better, and they might be worse, but they'll 'never' be the same. Now, consider this-what if she says she isn't interested in moving forward romantically again? Could you accept that, or would you be heartbroken? Perhaps, she's happy with the way things are. Could you continue being good friends 'after' you approached her about a reconciliation and she turns you down? That is a possibility. So my suggestion is that you spend time breaking things down a little further, in your thinking. What is it about your old life that you'd like to experience again? Are there things in your old life that you don't want back? You no doubt thought you had legitimate reasons to leave in the first place. Have those issues been sufficiently addressed? And in your mind, can you provide her with any kind of reasonable grounds to say "yes" to a reconciliation?
But even if your heart is the strongest influence on you right now, you can't ignore the input from your brain and your gut. If you're sure this is what you want, use your brain to make sure you give yourself and her the best possible chance to succeed. And don't pin all your happiness to a "yes" answer-keep in mind that you have the ability to create a good life for yourself regardless of her response. And remember, no matter the outcome, you both still have those 2 lovely daughters that you both need to parent together. Even if she still says no, I would suggest you prepare for that in a open-minded way, so you both can continue being friends with each other, and both of you can keep providing a stable, solid life for those kids. I wish you both the best of luck and take care
Hugs,
Irish
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female
reader, wishes +, writes (28 October 2005):
 You have two young girls so she will never be completely out of your life and you shouldnt aim for this to happen. A good relationship stems from a good friendship and it sounds as though you have that downpacked! Take your time and dont make any moves until you have both talked about it and you both understand what the other wants. You were only divorced 5 months ago which is a very short time and it is likely that the issues surrounding your breakup have not been resolved yet. If you do want to give it another try be very careful in showing your girls. If it werent to work out again, they would be even more defestated. They need a stable lifestyle. It is good for children to have both of their parents around, but only if their parents are happy. Dont let yourselves get into the same pattern that forced your divorse. Your highest priority should be your children so you should be considering them at all times. Best Wishesx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): My advice to you would be to get rid of her. The love in the relationship is strong and you can tell that just from teh words you say. Alos there has to be some reason as to why you are not a couple anymore.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): Have you told her you still love her?Now that her affair is over, maybe she is willing to reconsider. What can you lose by talking to her about the two of you getting together again?
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