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male
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*ellamy
writes: My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and she showed very little emotion over it. She really isn't much of an emotional person, and I think it's something to do with her past. Her and her ex boyfriend suffered a miscarriage about 4 years ago, and she told me that she doesn't talk about it with anyone, and doesn't want to. I wonder if she never properly grieved over her loss - her family never mentioned it, and I know she doesn't even talk about it with them. Now a small part of me is quite relieved that I am no longer with somebody so cold and emotionless, who never even cried about our breakup, but a bigger part of me feels very sorry for her. I want her to see a counsellor, to talk about her feelings about her miscarriage, and to see that she can't go through life not letting herself feel anything. She just shuts off completely, and I don't think it's healthy. But now that we have broken up (lots of reasons why that happened), is it any of my business any more? Should I tell her that I think she needs to see a therapist? Or should I just let her go? I still care about her so much, but I HATE this side of her. I saw her vulnerable and loving and emotional a couple of times and I like that side of her much more than this cold, hard exterior. Should I try to talk to her again or just leave her to get on with her own life and me get on with mine?
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reader, bodylotion +, writes (27 March 2006):
 It's not your choice weather she see's a counciler after all she may not want the past dragging up.Also she would of wanted to cry but she is a person who dosen't show her emotions to the people. she proberly thought you wern't worth crying in front of.If your still freindly with this woman then peusuade her to go and get counciling but if not then theres nothing you can do to help.She obviously dosen't need your help or she would of been in touch.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): All humans have emotions. It is how we choose to relate to emotions that matters. If she is repressing her emotions so deeply that, that her emotions play no role with her conscience or empathy, then yes, she has a problem. But you do say she has displayed emotions, so no, don't suggest to her that she seek counseling. If she still has empathy for others and displays a caring side of her, then her 'lack of emotional display' is just who she is. You can't make her seek counseling. The problem could be was, you, yourself, couldn't accept her for the way she was. If so, then the problem is you...not her. Try to understand, lots of people go through life showing little or no emotion. It doesn't mean they are messed up people and need counselling therapy. It just means they have accepted 'what happens' in their life and they move on...some call the strength, but sometimes people who don't understand this character trait, call it cold, aloof and uncaring. You just have to realize the difference and allow her to conduct her life, in the way she sees fit.
So get on with your life and allow her to do the same. Move forward and I wish you only the best. Good luck and take care
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