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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm not sure I love the guy I am with (I'll call him H)... we have been together for almost a year now and have elaborate plans for our future together. The problem is I'm not sure I love H! You see, H is not the kind of guy that I would want to fall in love with. He is okay... but just doesn't fit in my interests. I like guys that read a lot, take good interest in music, have a profound way of thinking, ambitious... and things like that.Somehow, H got me to fall for him... and now I'm not sure I want to go all the way with him. Here are a few problems I face with him: 1. He told me a million lies to get me to fall in love with him... (Some tolerable and most not so tolerable. Ex: He did not tell me about his relationship with another woman, got her pregnant and left her… she was at fault too. Actually, she drove him away)2. His family (Basically REALLY MEAN people)3. His stupid habit of saying nice things he doesn't really mean... (VERY irritating!)4. He is not comfortable with the fact that everyone is always trying to make him feel I'm too good for him. (I don't even know how he deals with that!) 5. He CRAVES for attention *ALL* the time. (Wants people talking about him) 6. He shows off his brother's house and money and really *WANTS* people to think he is rich. (He is really not so rich on his own) 7. Not as ambitious as I'd want him to be. (Seems to me he is content showing off his brother's property as his own)I know I made him up to be this terrible, hate-able person... but, there are some nice qualities in him too. He is soft spoken, very tolerant, protective, treats me well, very supportive... well, he gave me reasons to fall for him. I’m sorry this is so long! A few weeks ago, I noticed a change in him... he started mentioning new names (guys) and spent a couple of weekend's away saying he was with these new friends... I'm not very sure if that is the truth. And when I questioned him, he got very defensive and spoke to me very rudely (I had never seen him so angry and aggressive before). After that day, things went totally out of control. He was going to another city for a week and I was to go with him, but, after this I told him I had changed my mind. He went on the trip (1 week) and is now back. While he was away, I found out that I was pregnant and called him and told him that. All he said was wait till I’m back and we will talk. And when he came back, he told me (and I agreed) that we were not in a position to keep the baby because of my terrible eating habits and smoking. I got my baby aborted. Now, what irks me is that in all the time he spent there knowing I was pregnant, he never called even once to check on me!! And I’d find his phone busy every time I called him… turns out that a couple of girls from his dance troupe used to call him and he was on the phone with them. When he met me, he deleted all his call records. We had two more fights after that day on two other occasions and decided our relationship is not working. I guess it was then that I saw the ugly side of his. He really is quite a nice guy otherwise and definitely knew how to make me happy…Now after a lot of breaking-up and patching-up, we are back together and he is being the nice guy I first met. But, my problem is that now I *KNOW* there is more to him than the light-headed, cutie guy he normally is. I also hate the fact that his brother beats up his wife when he is angry… and the same was the case with his father when H was a little boy. H is not a violent person, he’s never tried to hurt me… but, I’m just worried that it runs in his family… I am totally in control of my emotions. I know he can keep me happy and I have my reasons for being with him… but, do you think this will work for me? I *know* he loves me… If it is a bad idea, I want to get out of it while I still can…
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ambition, money, violent Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): Pathetic Looser and dosen't deserve you.Thats all that can be said for this man.He craves his popularity more than the love for you.Just see how rich he his without you.
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male
reader, tux  +, writes (27 March 2006):
 It sounds to me you are looking for someone to tell you to leave which if that is what you really want, do it. all that you have said are perfect reasons why you should problaly think about moving on. though the family thing is hard since he has no say in it. but then again that is only going by what you've mention which are reasons to leave him. Of course you have your reasons to stay which of course you don't feel they are good enough to share to get the whole picture which to me may be suspect for me to say they are good reasons to stay. But with anything in you life, you have to look at the advantages versus the disadvantages and see if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
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