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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: So it's been three months since my ex dumped me. He's quick-tempered and abusive and never respected me while we're with his friends. We had no contact after we broke up. But every month he would call or write me messages and asked me to call him back. Then my heart started palpitating and I would think about him all day. Of course I never answered or called him back. I thought I'm doing better and better, but some nights it's just so difficult for me. I know I should be happy that I finally left an unhealthy relationship, but why do I only remember the good memories and forgot that he was always being a douche to me and the bad memories?
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female
reader, theres_always_a_loophole  +, writes (1 August 2013):
 "Because people have a need to be accepted, so when we're mistreated by our loved ones, instead of leaving them to find happiness somewhere else, we stay with them and crave every bit of positive attention they give us."I couldn't have said this better myself. Realize this is the ONLY reason you're thinking about him. You don't love him, you just want him to accept you. Block his number and social media. This will help you forget since you'll no longer be hearing from him. It will also get the point across to him that he can't sweet talk you into falling back into his trap. Do you honestly believe it would be any different the second time around?
A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (1 August 2013):
 Because you miss being in a relationship.
You need to block him completely out of your life. It'll make moving on so much easier.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 August 2013):
 Block him. Block his number on your phone, and block his emails. That way he can't draw you back in.
The others are right. You haven't moved on. Your ego likes the vindication of the guy who dumped you wanting you back. You need to fill the void with other things that make you feel good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): The reason why your remembering the good times is because he still calls you. When he calls you, he seem sound so nice and exciting which makes you drawn to him again.
The tendency, you remember the good times you had with him.
We all do, remember the good stuff with the person we broke up. That's why its a MUST for you to make a simple list of things why you broke up.
To remind you of all the things that made you grew apart and eventually broke up. Worst of all, you are still in love with him, I guess.
Sometimes we fall in love with assholes. Or the wrong person. When we do, we don't count the number of times they have wronged us. Maybe you love him.
But remember his an asshole. So, wrong for you. So be wise.
Some people we love are not meant for us.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 August 2013):
Because people have a need to be accepted, so when we're mistreated by our loved ones, instead of leaving them to find happiness somewhere else, we stay with them and crave every bit of positive attention they give us.
It's natural and not an easy situation to deal with, but you'll just have to remind yourself that he was an asshole every time you think of him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): I have a friend who has a lot of issues and can't be on her own- so will often be in a very unhealthy relationship rather than be on her own- yesterday this new bloke crossed a line, he in general emotionally blackmails her, but yesterday she rang me up crying saying he was calling her a slag and a "c***....yeah, pretty foul right? But she still insists he loves her and he's the best thing ever, even though I know him and he's a brute. You're even aware of the fact you're idolising a complete t**tIm no psychiatrist and don't know the mentality behind not wanting to be alone, but it seems maybe you feel you just need a romantic partner to complete you...? Well don't let anyone determine your self worth- learn what makes you happy and who you are as a person, and forget about the good times- don't take crap from anyone, remember how he tried to take away your self respect. Well done for shutting him out, you're stronger than a lot for doing that... :) Don't compromise your self respect and keep giving him the finger Lol! :) xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): I don't have the answer because I'm going through the exact same but I just wanted to say well done u for being strong, and I know exactly how u feel - I only see the good things most of the time but deep down I know we're better apart x good luck x
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (1 August 2013):
 It is hard to move on; harder for some than for others.
No contact is the best way to move forward, but it's not a straight road and it's not made any easier if he keeps breaking it. So don't beat yourself up about taking a while to move on.
Is there any way you can block him on your phone? It might sound drastic but there's always the option of changing your phone number if you can't block him. I hope you've already taken him off Facebook, etc? Blocked his emails?
I know what you mean about only remembering the good memories. Can I suggest this exercise: write down all the good and bad things about him in two columns. Or maybe scrap the 'good column'. Remind yourself about the bad things! Write yourself an email detailing all the bad times you had together. Then read it back to yourself when you are feeling all nostalgic or if he breaks NC.
Don't beat yourself up, it takes time to move on from even the crappest relationships sometimes. Three months is quite recent.
And well done with not calling or texting him back. That's really good. I think once he stops contacting you all together, you'll find it a lot easier.
It does get easier. For example, an ex of mine who turned out to be quick tempered and abusive phoned me last night (I didn't answer) and I felt mere irritation for a few minutes, nothing else ... but that's because plenty of time has passed AND when I think of him (which is rare now), I remember what a disgusting person he was.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (1 August 2013):
 When the relationship is current the brain has a tendency to focus on the bad and in this case it sounds like the bad was really very bad but often times it takes very little for someone to end a relationship. Often little problems over time become enough to justify in peoples minds to end it. But over time that fog of resentment and frustration clears and you stop paying attention to the bad and think of all the good things almost in a form of nostalgia. Its normal, and you are going to have to live with it. In some cases it may be a sign you made a mistake, but in this case it sounds like your better off without him so just ignore it.
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