A
female
age
30-35,
*xcbabiegal
writes:Hey guys, Needless to say i need your help once moreAbout 6 years ago i met the most amazing guy i think i will ever meet. I fell in love with him instantly and, we had the most amazing relationship, that you could ever describe. I do believe he was my soul mate. And i believe he loved me tooHowever 3 years ago he was murdered, and i have never been the same since. I feel like a big chunk of me is missing , even after all of this time. I really don't know how to get past it. I do have a new life now, i have a boyfriend who i love to pieces, but every now and then i will feel something, like he is there with me, and i will buckle over and just begin to cry. It became so bad a few months ago, I spent one whole night crying, and became severly ill because of how bad it was. I know i really need to stop thinking about him but i just cant.I am getting a tattoo soon that will be in memory of him, and i know that this is going to help me a little bit, But how can i get over him if there is no closure there. Every now and again i will feel like he is with me and, i feel useless because i just cant stop myself from crying. and even though i have a boyfriend I still want him there holding me. and i wish our life together could have carried on. Thanks guys. :)
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (16 June 2010):
 I lost my boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 18. He too was murdered. I am 34 and I still think of him often!
He was the first man that I can honestly say, I loved! He was absolutely WONDERFUL and I miss him dearly! I think of him often and I know he is with me all the time.
I have an appointment to have a tattoo done too, which is in memory of him and my dad who I lost last year. It doesnt make it better, but on a personal level, it helps in the fact that its personal to you! Im having kanji down my spine, but its been done in a way that my hair will hide it if I dont want it shown off, or if I want it shown off, its easy to do so too. The message is personal to ME! I dont care what anyone else thinks about it, and my boyfriend that I have now, doesnt know Im having it done. Its my way of memorialising their memory!
You will NEVER get over the death, any over time, it doesnt get easier as many say, it just gets different! I still have periods where I break down in tears, and its no disrespect to your current boyfriend, its your coping method! Its the constant wondering how things would have been if they were still here! I loved Bradley dearly, and still do. But I love my current boyfriend too! Bradley is the complete opposite to my present boyfriend and there is always that thought of how would things have worked out had he still been here. I know we would have married and had kids. I dont have that now, and I think a part of me wishes that I had that!
Trust me, it is normal and it will get better over time. Your ex's memory will always be with you. You will never forget him, and I am very sure that he would NOT want you to be crying over him. Im sure he would want you to get on with your life. That is what I hold onto every day!
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 First, let me say that I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you.
Second, I think with how bad this continues to hit you.... you should really seek professional help. That's not to say there is anything wrong with you, or that you are broken... but there are just professionals out there who help you talk and get those thoughts and feelings out in the open. I'd even suggest waiting to get your tattoo until you talk to that individual.
Tattoos are forever, and while I don't suggest nor expect you to ever forget about this man, this is something that could affect future relationships with men. And if this man is truly as great of a guy as you say he was, I'm willing to bet that given the circumstances all he'd want is for you to be happy in the future.
Talk to somebody who can help you.
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