A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I seem to get angry very quickly and instead of being patient and standing for my beliefs and insisting on my views, I seem to withdraw and run away from any cofrontation. Also I seem to be unable to accept orders from anyone. This is affecting my chances to hold on to a job. How can I overcome this behaviour and take things more calmly and patiently? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): Thank you for the great advice.I will try to do as you say. God bless.
A
female
reader, GoddessHK  +, writes (6 September 2010):
Often when we get angry quickly, it is a reflection of what is going on inside us. We may have anger towards ourselves, frustration etc. A helpful exercise you can do is to write down what makes you angry, and why. You can also keep a journal of people/situations that make you angry, and how you reacted.
The next step is to be totally honest with yourself, and examine the reasons why a person or situation made you angry. You'll find that the root of anger is usually fear: fear of being misunderstood, fear of rejection, fear of looking foolish, fear of not being respected, fear of not being loved, accepted etc.
It may sound silly, but it can be very helpful to repeat a positive statement to yourself when you are faced with one of these difficult situations. An example could be "I trust, I trust, I trust".
It is so important to be honest with this exercise, and remember that nobody is going to read your journal (you can even burn it when you're done with it)...you'll see a pattern emerging within your journal, and after you see what fears trigger your anger, you can begin to resolve those fears.
I know how difficult it is to look in the mirror, to truly look within. I used to have anger issues, and it was always my ego reacting...and the root was fear.
The difficulty in accepting orders from others to directly related to ego. You are clear enough to know that this is affecting your ability to hold on to a job, and in this you need to face the facts: unless one is self-employed or a CEO, it is a simple fact of life to accept taking orders from others. Drop your self-importance (this takes practise, so don't give up right away). When you feel angry about taking orders, focus on the money. You want the money that will be paid to you, so just do what you need to do. It could be that you are the type of person who is more of a leader. In this case, see your job as a means to an end: while you accept orders, and give the impression of being fine with it, you can make plans to start your own business.
In terms of dealing with confrontation, there is nothing wrong with avoiding confrontation. Why waste your time and energy on trying to persuade people that you are right and they are wrong? It is much healthier and wiser to accept that everyone is entitled to their own views. If someone is infringing on your right to express your own views, then you can calmly tell them "I respect your right to have your own opinions and beliefs, so please respect mine". And finish it with that statement. If someone persists in wanting to argue, just calmly walk away... this type of person will never be 'converted' to your way of thinking, so don't waste your time on them.
Anyway, actions always speak louder than words. People will respect you when they SEE something to respect, not because of what is said.
I hope that these suggestions will be helpful to you. Just be patient and kind with yourself first, and you'll find it easier and easier to show this patience and kindness to others.
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