A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please can someone help me. I have been given an ultimatum by my boyfriend of 6 months and I am not sure what to do. I am happy with my current boyfriend in every way apart from the fact he has been smoking weed and taking cocaine occasionally for about 13 years, plus he has no car or license and not much money. I don’t see the final 2 points, no car and not much money as being a big big deal as I know that love can conquer all. Up until 2 years ago (before he met me) my boyfriend said he smoked weed every night. Since he has been with me, he has smoked weed about 1 time per week (not in my company but with his friends) and that I know of, has taken cocaine once. When I confronted him about the drugs and the fact that I didn’t like it, he said that he would give drugs up for not only me, but himself too. He says that I am the only person that has made him feel worth something, and given him the motivation to do it.The problem that has arisen today is that I received an email from my ex boyfriend who I was with for 2 years, who I was absolutely head over heels in love with, he claims that he still misses me dearly and said maybe we didn’t have to break up. I burst into tears straight away as I loved him so much and always prayed that he would come back to me. Now he has, but I have already moved on!I thought it was best to be honest with my current boyfriend and tell him about the email, and he asked me if I still had feelings for my ex, I actually couldn’t deny it else I would be lying.My boyfriend (understandably) has asked me to chose between him and my ex. My choice is:Tell my ex never to contact me again and be with my current boyfriend, orLose my current boyfriend for good and try to patch things up with my ex, orMake no decisions and lose my current boyfriend because I have to make up my mind today and if I don’t I lose him!What shall I do?? I am at work and have just been crying in the toilet because I am so down about this.
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at work, drugs, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Well you need to be honest with yourself. You still have feelings for your ex, and now you need: 1.closure OR 2.to find out if your ex is your true love for life.
You're current bf should give you the space to decide. If he really loves you, he will let you at least meet with ex and give you some time. (that's real maturity)
It looks to me like your current relationship is more of a motherly/caregiver/rehab type. that's o.k. if you like it though.
A
male
reader, cdjudd  +, writes (28 January 2009):
This situation was familiar with me but I came to notice that she came back because I was seeing someone else(i think). Some people don't like the fact you move on so when they find out they try to come back into the picture. Furthermore, the drug abuse is not acceptable, especially if you dont see him giving this up. The drug abuse will just create problems, PERIOD. This is a hard decision, so I would advise following your instincts and your heart. I know this is an intense situation but I think you can figure it out. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (28 January 2009):
 You really got two bad situations. Personally I think you should kick them both to the curb and start fresh. You have stated that your current guy, although not perfect, has been trying really hard for you. But, it sounds like you know deep down that his problems are not going away that easily. If not, then I don't think you would have thought this much about your ex. I think, ex or not, you have to decide whether this guy your with is worth it. If you think he is then you stay with him. If not, or not sure, then I think you break with him and move on. Whether it's with your ex or someone else is another topic altogether.
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (28 January 2009):
 The first thing you need to understand is that a cocaine addiction is not something you kick OVERNIGHT. You say that he did it every night, but just quit because you asked him to.
That's not how it works! This is not a case where "love" conquers all!
You don't need to make a decision today. I'd look at the drug usage between the two of them. If the ex is clean, and a good guy, That's the way I'd go if in your shoes.
You say that the current bf has no car, no money etc.. Take a good look around. Where does his money go??
Do you want to spend the rest of your life supporting his habit? Please take it from someone who's been down this road.
Joe~
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