A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When you and your guy break up after years of being in a relationship. Why would the ex boyfriend say he wants to be friends, yet when HE wants sex then he’s all over me trying to get some and that’s ok to happen. But other times when he’s over my house and I want some of his attention and ask him why he’s being so distant towards me then he gets upset and yells at me saying “we aren’t even together anymore. Yet you act like we are still dating.”He is completely confusing my mind and heart with what he’s doing. Why is he doing this to me when I’ve never thru all the years done him wrong ever?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (11 February 2021):
 Why is he doing this? Because YOU are allowing it. Simple as that. Despite the split, you are desperate to hold onto him, at any cost. If you can't love yourself enough to understand you deserve better than this, then he will carry on using you for his own selfish needs. This is not going to change until YOU change it.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (9 February 2021):
 You're no longer a girlfriend. You're not even a friend with benefits. You're just a hook up.
There is nothing confusing about this.
He wants sex when HE wants it, not when you want it.
Time to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2021): The title of your problem should read, 'WHY DO I LET MY EX TREAT ME LIKE A FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.' Think about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 February 2021):
 People will treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you.
YOU allow him to "USE" you as a no strings FWB when it SUITS him. So he does.
When YOU want more, he shuts you down. And you allow that too.
OP, it didn't work out. CUT him lose. CUT him off.
He won't change his mind and BE with you if you continue to have sex with him. He doesn't WANT a relationship with you. He just wants sex and entertainment when he feels lonely. YOU can decide if you are OK with those crumbs or not. IF you don't want to be his "sex doll" then wish him well and tell him I think it's time we cut contact and go no contact, we are wasting each other's time. (because you ARE).
And then you CUT the contact.
If he shows up, don't let him in. If he call block his number.
PS, he isn't YOUR friend. Friends don't have sex.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (9 February 2021):
 He is your ex for a reason, the relationship diden't work out, so when you split up you should have accepted it was over and moved on with your life.
He will keep using you as a friends with benefits thing, being all nice to you to get what he wants, then once he has got what he wants is cold and distant.
You need to nip this in the bud, cut contact with him, otherwise I feel he will use you just to get sex.
The longer you leave it the harder it will get, so do what you should have done in the beginning when most people break up- don't see each other again.
An ex is an ex for a reason, any subsequent partners would be very unaccepting of the fact that an ex was still lingering around on the sidelines.
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