A
male
age
41-50,
*illy anderson
writes:hi, im really down and confused so appreciate another perspectivemy girl of 6 years finished with me 3 months ago. her decision. we been having problems for few months. our sex life had really changed and we were like best friends. she is very spiritual and caring girl who said she did not feel same about me as before. due to her beliefs she felt she needed to act on these feelings. she wanted to marry me years ago and i didfew things that pushed her away in her own words.there been trust issues in past which never really recovered from i think but she does know how i feel about her. i ddi the full trying to keep us together thing at start break up and she saw me distressed and was very sympathetic to me. then i decided i had to give her break and cut ties. thing is she then been one started to contact me and ring me. calls last ages and not deep but she does not give me anty indications that she wants back. all very civil stuff and take care etc etc. ive tried to get on with things but finding hard to focus on anything. i give it 3 months in my head and then i made the move to contact her and say hi. we had said month ago about meeting for coffee but she hasnt acted on it. then other nite she said it be nice to see me and hasnt seen me in ages. when i tried to organise time i got messages few hgours later that she working that time. no other suggestions from her so when i suggested another time she said she would check her work rota and get back to me. thats 4 days ago now and i get impression she palming me off now. i know this girl well and know we lot respect for eachother. Is this normal for girls to find hard tom meet up with ex even if it almost her idea. she gives me mixed signals at times.she initiates most contact albeit every 2 weekswhen calls she seems to want to chat (even though she shows no signs of wanting back)she seems to care about me and got her friend to do me favour without my knowledge i still have some her stuffshe only got her stuff back from my house month agoshe says she prays for me and cares for me however i know some this positive signs but not enough in my eyes. i get impression she just being nice and cares for me as friend. she might love me but not in love with me. thing is i cant move on yet. i feel im still hanging onto wee small hope because these signs. think i need to have chat with her but been advised if we meet should keep things light and just try enjoy company and try charm her back.im bit lost and confused and asking for bit advice. i think i know what you mean about being friends. im keen to try to be to keep door open and communication and try get back but i understand im getting more hurt everytime she contacts me. been trying to tell her im fine and show signs im getting over her but cant keep it up too long. have given her strong hints im still finding things tough but get nothing back of same meaning. what do you think. i know 3 months not long time really but it long enough for her to miss me and want me back if she was going to want me back i really want this girl and believe she the one for me. i need her to want me too though. any tips, ideas and advice would be welcome thanks Billy
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female
reader, violetfiend +, writes (15 February 2011):
Hi Billy,I've been there i had an ex continue to contact me and give me mixed signals. I think maybe you were right here - " she might love me but not in love with me". If she is hurting you by contacting you start to give her the cold shoulder. If she phones you pick up and say your really busy and your really sorry but you can't talk. Stay on the phone for less than a minute! She'll begin to understand you need space still. one of two things will happen, she will move on and this means you will as well, with less contact from her, you will forget it takes time to mend a broken heart, but it will mend :). the other thing that may happen is she will realise actually she does love you and she was a fool for not seeing that. if she does come to that conclusion i urge you to take it slow, you may have been together for 6 years but treat it as a whole new relationship, take her to the movies or for an ice-cream in the park, don't move in together and jump straight into bed, or you will face the same problems again. If she doesn't get your hinting and cold shoulder you need to tell her she is making you uncomfortable, tell her you need space and that you will contact her, just don't talk to her until your ready, meaning, be sure your calling her because you want to know about your absent friend and not because you want to talk to the woman you were going out with.Most of all don't let her run your life, she made you a free agent and you should act like it. Women worry about their ex's and she is probably calling to check up on you as she knows the split was hard on you. she cares enough to want to see you happy, but she is obviously being overbearing.But please don't think that this will be easy in any way... it will be hard its the equivalent to giving up smoking with a packet of cigarettes in front of you... NOT EASY! But one day you'll forget to even think her name, and it will get better from then.
A
male
reader, nononsense  +, writes (15 February 2011):
Don't contact her again brother. Let it go. She doesn't know what she wants, and wants to keep you around until she finds someone better. Call her, tell her you aren't interested in keeping in touch and go on with your life. Trust me, you will be better off in the long run.
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