A
female
age
30-35,
*asa
writes:Hi, I am 27 and I am only interested in men much older than me. There are certain qualities that I am looking for in a man that can only exist in older men. I hate young men and everything about them. Young men disgust me. I don't mind an age gap of 20 to 29 years indeed. However, I don't know where to find/meet older men who are unmarried. I totally object to dating married men, I would never accept ruining the life of another woman. I am looking for a serious relationship actually, a marriage perhaps, however, I do not want to have any children at all. I absolutely hate children. Most men in their 50s are arleady married. The divorced ones are very bitter about their bad experience and worried about aging.I had a boyfriend who is 28 years older than me. I've loved him very much, and I still love him more than ever, but he suddenly stopped talking to me, refuses to see me and seems to have forgotten me. He was divorced and his children were old enough. He didn't want to have children again, and we were going to get married, but now he prenteds he never wanted to marry me. I miss him very much, I haven't seen him for almost two years, and I haven't dated any man since then hoping he'll come back to me. Whenever I think of dating someone else because I feel so lonely and very sad, I realise that there's no one that can be more suitable for me than him. I shared with him things I can never share with any other. I want him back, yet I feel he'll never take me back. He too thinks that his ex-wife was the one for him, and the exprience of their divorce has left him so much scarred that he seems to have shut his heart against love.
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex, older men Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 December 2015):
 I agree here, you seem to be a very judging person, every guy is unique and some hold great qualities others not so much, yes age might come with experience but it doesn't always come with good qualities.
Maybe you could try online dating there may be older men on there looking for love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2015): No nonsense aidan clearly stated he wasn't judging your preference. He said (correctly too I might add) that you have pigeonholed everyone by judging them and placing them into categories. My ex boyfriend was a young man but acted like an old man!!! Your ex was not over his ex. You may have been a rebound for him. Basically reread aidans advice below. He speaks a lot of sense...
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A
female
reader, Masa +, writes (22 December 2015):
Masa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto no nonsense Aidan, Yes, it is my preference to date much older men. I am stating a fact, I prefer older men. If you don't know my reasons, you don't have to play a guessing game. You might prefer blonde women, slim girls or chubby ones. You might dislike dating a black one, or an Asian or you might want no other than an African. Please, don't question my preference, or try to defend the young male generation being one of them.As for my boyfriend, he was divorced, and I am very understanding of his divorce, I know he needed time to get over her, and I have been patient, and will always be. By the way, I do not object to dating divorced men, or men who have big children. I was only saying that the divorced ones seem to have had enough and do not show much interest in a new romance. I am not looking for a "brand new" man!!! You have misunderstood my question. I am asking "where to find/meet older men who are unmarried" for dating. Thanks.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (22 December 2015):
I’m afraid you’re making life very difficult for yourself. Your preference for the older man is your own business. It’s a shame that you appear to have so readily dismissed all younger men, as though all younger men are somehow the same. Some young men talk about women in ways I find utterly unacceptable, they objectify them, they sleep around, they behave immaturely and they aren’t reliable. That’s all the things I hear people with your kind of preference for the older man say about younger men. I’m also a young man, and I do none of these things. I’m not sure what qualities are exclusively the preserve of the older man. The point is, maybe you need to think about slightly less significant age gaps, because you’re giving yourself so few choices. You don’t want to date married men, of course, but you’re also really dismissive of divorced men. Not all divorced men are screwed up and bitter. A never-married man with no baggage in his 40s or 50s will be hard to find: he’s had plenty of time to have a past. I would like to politely suggest that the problem is your attitude: you appear to neatly categorise people. Young men are disgusting, divorced men are bitter and so-on. Some young men, some divorced men may indeed be all of these things, but plenty won’t be. It’s a shame your ex wasn’t really over his wife. I think you just have to accept that it can never be, that he’s never coming back and that somehow, your goal has to be not to compare others to him and to realise that it will feel different with every man because everyone is unique, but not to shut people out if you find some-one you like. The reason you haven’t found some-one you like is because you look for characteristics (his age perhaps) or aspects of his past and promptly dismiss him. I strongly encourage you to try and re-focus so that you look at everyone as an individual and not judge them against preconceptions. If you stick to the never-married and perhaps childless 40-somethings, you may be waiting a long time for Mr Wright. Besides, I have a feeling that what you like about older men is that they know more what they want, know how to treat some-one and want the settled, serious relationship that you seem to. For a lot of men (and women), that mentality is developed from previous experiences. Knowing he’s probably made mistakes and been wronged and hurt is probably what makes him seem reliable to you. If he’s never been in a relationship by the time he’s in his 40s, I doubt you’ll feel so secure. Okay, you specified men who’ve never been married, but in reality if you’re put off by the baggage (the kids, being hung up on another, the chance he’s been screwed over and made bitter by an ex), those things could equally have resulted from a serious relationship that was not cemented in a marriage.At the end of the day, your ex is gone, and you didn’t judge him correctly. I’m sorry for the pain that has caused you, but please learn from this: reduce everything down to the qualities you seek and look for in a man. Forget everything else: whatever his age, whatever his past, it’s his character that you need to look at and that will only happen by dating and getting to know him. If you insist on such wide age gaps (and that’s your right), this is particularly important that you try really hard to change your mentality. I think on-line dating, where you can read descriptions and have messaging conversations before meeting, is your best bet.I wish you all the very best.
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