A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have an ex that I haven't spoken to in 4 years. He never wrote back when I wrote (once a year, Merry Christmas type emails) but recently responded to an email. I replied, and he responded with questions about where I was living etc. I answered his questions, but didn't ask any of my own. He hasn't written back. I don't understand why he would start writing to me and then just stop. I guess he could have been just curious but it seems odd to me. Any light you could shed would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): I think he responded because his own life wasn't going as good as he planned at that moment and he knew that his response would be welcome on your part and so he was curious to know where you stood in your own life in comparison to his. People are like that. When things aren't going so well in their lives all of a sudden they look to the past. And it's not because he necessarily wants to be friends with you, otherwise he would have not ignored your holiday emails and would certainly still be writing you. Like I said, I think something happened, maybe a break up, some sort of disillusion in his life, perhaps he is a bit jaded, and that made him curious about people in his past and where they are at in their lives. Cause if everything were going GREAT for him, he'd probably be too busy having a GREAT life to think about his past. That's all. So don't read anymore into it. And even if he did want more, are you satisfied with knowing that someone contacted you only because things in their life were going sour?
P.S. I don't think there is anything wrong with you sending holiday emails. It's not like you are being psycho. I think it's sweet!
A
female
reader, skye  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Im sorry to ask this, but why did you keep emailing him for the past 4 years even if it was just at christmas? When he didnt reply to a few most people would have given up. However you sound like a caring person who has tried her best to remain friends with her ex. You have tried hard enough and now is the time to stop emailing him.
I suspect that you still have some old feelings left for this guy. You could get seriously hurt if you try to persue this relationship. You could also miss out on the many "real" people around you by being hung up on this one man.
Ok, so he answered one email. That is one in 4 years! Also it was in the summertime; thats a very long period since your christmas email. Dont you think you deserve more than this? I certainly think you do....much, much more. Your ex could have responed for various reasons such as simple curiousity like you said; "for old times sake" kind of thing. Please dont fall into the trap of sending him emails and paitently waiting for him to respond. Forget him and move on.
I would simply ignore this recent email from your ex and I certainly would not send him anymore in future. Teach him a lesson that he cant email out of the blue like that and expect you to accept his disappearance again.
Best wishes,
Skye
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (14 August 2007):
Some would do it out of random politeness and some would do it out of ulterior motives. I have no definitive answer. I once had a girlfriend whose ex called her every year around the same time. It was always, "Hey, how ya doing, remember when we were twelve and planned on running away? By the way, you know I never really cheated on you right? Bye." Was he calling just to "set the record straight" or was he calling to see if she were "available"?
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