A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I broke up three months ago and he moved immediately afterwards to another town where my best friend lives with her boyfriend and all their friends. In three months I have noticed on his facebook that the only people he has added as friends are her and her boyfriends friends. Oh by the way, he is the one who dumped me. He and I did not end on good terms and my best friend knows this. I have asked her if she has seen him or had any contact with him since he moved there and she says she hasn't. And I believe her. It wouldn't surprise me that he is stalking my friends on facebook (because he has done this in the past) and seeing where they are going to be and showing up there. And perhaps this is how he "randomly" meets them. Knowing what I know about him, I wouldn't put it past him. My question is why? Of the 2 million plus people living in his new town, why is he purposely trying to run into MY friends? Even the ones who are indirectly my friends via mutual friends. What is his goal? I just find it odd that in three months the only people he has added on his facebook are mutual friends of mine, or mutual friends of my friends in a town FULL of people. Not looking for criticism or advice of "get over it" "why do you care." Obviously I care and I just want to know if anybody can provide insight as to why. Cause it is way beyond coincidental, at this point I think it is clear it is very calculated and I want to know why he is doing this. Thanks.
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best friend, broke up, facebook, jealous, stalking Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013): Like you say it's no coincidence that out of the whole country he's jetting off to where all your friends are... Just happening to "bump into them"- he's definitely got hang ups about something to do with you as he strikes me as someone with stalker tendencies... Definitely a bit of a nutter...
Like others said just tell your close friends about your concerns and that you think he may be trying to get at you in some way.mthe acquaintance types may not take it seriously but your close friends should.
Good luck xx :)
A
female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (22 August 2013):
 I suggest you block him and if you haven't already delete him. I would trust your friends that they haven't seen him.
The only reason I can see for him to be doing this is to hurt you. Of course you care because you are still healing from the break-up. It's perfectly normal.
Relax, take a deep breath and focus on other things. Don't let him get to you.
Try to engage in activities you really enjoy and pamper yourself.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013): I think you deserve straight answers to very valid questions.
He is using your friends as a pawn to get at you, keep track of what you do, and it's in retaliation. He knows that he can get at you psychologically, by infiltrating your support system.
Your friends are still your friends. They didn't invite him into the realm. He's a "squatter;" who simply updated his webpage, knowing you'd "foolishly" be stalking him on Facebook.
If you were properly following the "no contact rule" and deleted him; you wouldn't have known, or cared, what he was doing. "No contact" means you don't use social media to stalk, or to followup on your ex. You cut off the head of the snake that keeps you in agony and pain. Getting over a breakup is a long and horrible emotional/psychological process. You even undergo a chemical withdrawal process in the brain.
He is subjecting you to psychological warfare; because he knows you'll be vulnerable to attack.
He knows if he gets to your friends, he effectively cuts you off at the knees. You'll feel you have no where to turn. Your "real friends" aren't stupid; nor insensitive enough to abandon you for the guy who dumped you. They may like him; but that doesn't mean they will engage in any activity they feel will do you any harm.
Unless they know he was justified in dumping you.
You should contact them individually, just to let them all know how you're feeling right now. Trust that they will not betray you. If they do, you'll be weeding out those disloyal to you, and know where you stand with them.
Please don't track him on Facebook. Tracking him is an indication that you can't get over him, and you aren't allowing yourself to heal. You must completely detach.
You are helping him to successfully delay your healing, and keep you in emotional turmoil. Thereby forcing you to stress-out and lose hope. You'll feel you have no one to turn for support. Presumably, he is a very cruel person to even think in such a way. He must have no friends of his own, and if he has to kidnap yours.
Your friends already know about the breakup. His being around will only be awkward at best. Your best friend says she hasn't really seen him. I believe she's telling the truth too. He may only be merely setting up scarecrows on Facebook. Mocking you, because he knows you'll be watching.
As far as your friends are concerned; if uninvited, he's crashing the party. Eventually they'll stop updating Facebook in avoidance.
You don't seem to have a lot of faith in your friends.
Perhaps this insecurity may have played a part in your breakup.
They don't have to drop him as a friend; because you two broke up, mind you.
He broke up with you. Not your friends.
Meanwhile; take care of yourself and concentrate on getting over him. He did you a favor to dump you, if this turns out to be a malicious act on his part. We only get one side of the story. We don't know why he dumped you. We don't know what you did to make him so angry.
If you did him any harm, consider this his revenge. Cruelty to others will most often come back to you. If you did things to hurt him; and you weren't a good girlfriend, you now get to harvest your bitter fruit.
The dumper isn't always a villain. There are reasons that lead up to a breakup. I just hope you both move on with your lives. Cruelty to each other will backfire.
You now know what his strategy is. You take back your power by ignoring him on Facebook. Continuing to invite your friends out and seeing them. He wants to make you feel awkward by tracking their movements to cut you off before you get there. Once they know this is what he's up to, he's likely to lose them as friends.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 August 2013):
 I would tell your friend about it so they can increase their security on FB - and let them know what he is doing. Now if THEY want to add him, there isn't much you can do. You could hide his feeds and that way you won't know what he is up to.
As to why? Who knows? It does seem like he thinks he can somehow get you upset.
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