A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. Just a few days later she went to see a doctor in regards to a lump inside her vaginal area. After doing so, they are doing extra tests because they are worried that there is cervical cancer.Now, I know we are not together anymore but I have offered to visit her, spend some time with her, go for walks, and be at her side if she ends up in the hospital. She stated that all she needed was the old me and to get back together with me. I can't offer that. Since thats the case, she has told me that I will know nothing about her and that "one day you may try to reach me and I'll be dead." That hurt me. I want to be there to support her but she wants me to be there and back together again. I should clarify that it is not certain if she has cancer, but she is very worried and according to her, all her friends and family are "hateful and angry" with me. I want to be supportive but not in the way she wants and what she wants is us laying together, kissing, hugging, being affectionate, and "loving" each other. I'm offering her a shoulder to lean on but not a heart to share. Am I in the wrong? I can't feel but terrible in this ordeal and its really doing a number on me. I can't get her out of my mind. Is there something I can do for her? For myself? And is what I am feeling normal? I thank you for your time for reading this. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008): From what you said it sounds to me like your ex had surgery. Did she have surgery on the lump? If so I have to say your post sounds pretty insensitive towards your ex. If she lied than that’s one thing and I don’t think lying should be tolerated but if she indeed did have surgery I would say your ex is better off without you. Surgery is surgery regardless of it being “day surgery” or not. If the lump that you spoke of earlier was what she had surgery on than that doesn’t sound like “bull” to me? Thats a horrible thing to that make it sound like day surgery is nothing to be concerned about. No wonder she hasn’t called you I wouldn’t call you either.My bf’s father actually pasted away from cancer last year and I remember that nothing relating to his cancer was to be taken lightly. It was a very confusing time.Why would your ex ask if you would remember her like you remembered your first love? Did the loss of your first love interfere with your relationship with your ex? Obviously you have some understanding of losing someone you care about and it would seem you would be more sensitive to others.Also your comment about being satisfied with having a girlfriend with .jpeg for the last name is a pretty juvenile and disgusting comment. I mean who says that after being in a relationship with someone? Was your relationship THAT bad that you would be turned off from having another woman in your life? That’s something a teenager might say. Are you in your teens? I my opinion I think you need to reevaluate your life and moving and starting a new career is probably the best thing for you now. Sorry if my thoughts seem harsh but I just felt I needed to say something after reading through your posts. You seem like a very bitter and confused individual. I hope you get through this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): If nothing was wrong with her and she was lying, why did she have surgery? Your situation sounds pretty confusing to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, three months later and this whole ordeal was in fact bull. When I was young, I lost my first love to an illness. My ex kept asking me if I would remember her the way I remember my first love. She even stated she had 3-5 months to live. Supposedly she was to have surgery and she was not going to make it. Well, it turned out to be day surgery and she was back to work the following day.
After this it was 2 weeks of non stop phone calls. One day between 2 PM and 10.45 PM I received 2 phone calls every minute and I just shut the ringers off. But, its been about a week and not a word. If I knew this would all happen, I never would have stepped into her house that night almost 3 years ago.
As of now, I'm on my way to a new career, moving, and will be perfectly content with a girlfriend who's last name ends in .jpeg.
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female
reader, debrasue64 +, writes (31 August 2008):
I am in a similar situation. In May I had a restraining order but on my husband and filed for divorce because he was verbally abusive. Now he is saying he has cancer and no one will help him. I am not at all sure this is true. He has forbidden me to tell his parents anything and will not tell me where he is staying. (I offered to bring our boys to visit) He just tells me he wants to come back home a die with his family. That if I ever loved him I wouldn't abandon him. Also throughout the 7 years of marriage he was mostly unemployed and now he says he will limp to work if he can come home (but he has no transportation)I don't believe this either as he was always going to get the $50,000 job.
I have made the decision not to let him come back for my self and my children (because of all the fighting when we were together) But have offered to visit and help him find care (he refuses) My advice is to go ahead with your plans, offer to be supportive to a point you feel comfortable with. She can accept your help on the terms you decide or not, but if she does have cancer her family and friends should also be helping. It should not all be on you. This won't be easy. I wish you the best of luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): wow man, i have to say that you sound a lot like me 4 years ago. i think i was 24 at the time and i had been dating a great girl for a couple years and she was my first serious girlfriend. she wanted to get married and settle down and i wasn’t ready for it and i freaked out. i was still young and wanted to chill with my friends and have fun. at the time i didn’t realize that i could have fun while still being with her. but, instead i made the biggest mistake of my life. i dumped her (she was devastated) and i went off and partied and fooled around. i did everything i could to try and forget about her. about 6 months later i heard from a mutual friend that she was dating some dude. then it hit me. 2 years later they were married and now they have a kid. i actually ran into her with her daughter at the local grocery store not long ago and all i could think about was what a huge mistake i had made and that that kid in her arms could have been ours. since then i have dated a bunch of girls and fooled around, but something has always been missing. even being with a bunch of different girls, i still feel lonely. trust me, a GOOD girl is hard to come by and i compare every girl i get with to her and they don’t even come close to measuring up. there is not a day that goes by that I don’t regret my mistake. dude, it sucks living a life with such regret.
i may be wrong man, but it sure sounds from what you have been saying that you love this girl. you sound like you’re young and that you want to have fun and explore. trust me the wanting to be free and having fun stage wears off after a while. sometimes you don’t always meet the perfect girl for you at the most perfect stage in your life, but if you do find that girl, you should do everything you can to hold on to her. you may have to realize this for yourself, but just take it from my experience. relationships are definitely stressful at times, but if there are more good times then bad, then it’s worth it. happiness is all about who you are with and waking up everyday next to that perfect lady.
hey man, i wish ya luck. this certainly isn’t an easy situation. many of us go through this type of predicament we call life. oh and by the way, the ecomony sucks right now if you haven't noticed. you will find something it just takes time. gimme a holla if i can help with anything else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): This was my first relationship. I have been looking for work for awhile but there is nothing available where I live. I have found an opportunity 100 miles from where I am now. I decided this after the breakup. However, the whole stress of a relationship was getting to me. Just need a break I suppose. Just going to take awhile to get used to.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): well that's good that it's nothin serious. but dude why are you moving anyway? do you have to move away? it sounds to me like you are unhappy without her? would she move with you? sorry for all the questions, just curious.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Turned out she does not have cancer. Although it was a tumor, it was benign and does not need to be removed. As for us, we tried to spend come time together as friends and it was very hard. We're just so used to each other that way. I don't hate her. I don't dislike her. And if I were to see her 10 years from now I'd give her a hug and ask her hows shes doing. It was a rough breakup and I have never broken up with someone so its taking its toll on me. I think about her constantly, but I feel as though I will move on. I will be moving in the fall and that will for sure end all possibility of us getting back together. Thank you for your answers. They were very helpful.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): how are things working out with this situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWould it be best to let this slide and see if she calls me? Or should I continue to attempt to get information on the situation? I'm just at a total loss at the moment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor the year and a half we have been dating, I cannot see her lying about something like this. According to her, she noticed a bump about 2 months ago. She said she didn't look into hoping it would go away. She also tells me that there will be an MRI done and a protein known to be cancerous appeared in her bloodstream. They also did a PAP smear as well. She further told me that there will be a biopsy done too.See, I broke up with her because I'm at a time in my life where I need to concentrate with my career by means of saving money and looking for work. I wanted to look for a career elsewhere than where I live. In doing so, an opportunity arose which will have me moving about a hundred miles away from where I am. If I did not break up with her, I would have missed it completely. I want to get my life in order THEN be able to share it with someone. I repeated over and over again that it had NOTHING to do with her. She was wonderful. The dedication that I was putting forth in the relationship was hindering my ability to accomplish things in my life that needed to be done. A few days after the breakup we got together to spend a day outside together; as friends. Well afterwards it was her at night coming onto me not wanting to leave the house and desiring "one last kiss". I declined and really had to work it in order for her to leave. The next day she decided to have this lump looked into.Now, I have lost my first love to Leukemia and I keep a small photo of her on my mirror in my room. My current ex asked me the other day if I would do the same; that has been eating at my mind since. I don't know what would happen to me if I lost her. Again, I could never in a million years see her lying about something as serious as this. We have given each other a lot and its really hurting me not having her around. I just did what I felt, and feel was right. I'm just at a loss right now and don't know what I should be doing.I thank you for your responses.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): unfortunately, i think lexilou has hit the nail on the head towards the end of her post.
i would be very surprised if your ex girlfriend was telling the truth about thinking she has cervical cancer.
did she mention having the lump before the two of you broke up? in this sort of medical situation the first step would be for her to have a biopsy on the lump. this means removing a tiny piece of it and testing it for cancerous cells. if the lump is in her vaginal area, it is very likely that the biopsy would be performed under anaesthetic, which would require a hospital stay. has she described what sort of 'tests' doctors have run? have you seen her recently? does she have marks on her arms from blood tests? do you have phone numbers for any of her friends or family so you can call them and ask if she is coping ok with the cancer scare to find out if they know or if it's just a big story?
the strangest part about this for me is the fact that she says it may be cervical cancer, which in itself does not involve the growth of cancerous tumors on the outer vagina or vaginal walls.
if you do find out that your ex girlfriend's cancer scare was just a story to try and get you back, tread VERY carefully. people who are psychologically unstable enough to tell people they supposedly 'love' these sort of crazy, guilt inducing stories about how they're going to die, often have the ability to behave a whole lot crazier once they're found out.
be careful about catching her out too. make sure you're 100% sure you know she is lying before you confront her about it. although i am quite sure she is not telling the truth, there is always the smallest possibility that a new form of cervical cancer has been discovered growing on your ex's vagina.
i'm sorry but i think you're being taken for a ride.
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 No you are absolutely doing the right thing. She is just taking her pain out on you, as she hurts from the break up and hurts from thinking she may have cancer.
If she truly has cancer then I suspect she will contact you to let you know as you are probably the first person she will turn to.
I have to say and this may offend you or others reading this but it is not uncommon for someone to make things like this up to try and win back a loved one, sometimes its impending death or illness, sometimes its a fake pregnancy that ends in 'miscarriage' once the loved one has returned. So I would say just bide your time as until you know whats fully going on you cant really do a lot to help her anyway except what you have already done. I wish you luck and hope she has nothing to worry about x
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