A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I just need a bit of advice on what to do regarding my sons dad we split up a year ago due to him cheating on me with my best friend he has our son twice a week for 2 hours a day and also pays no maintenance the problem is he won’t do anything with his son he won’t take him out or buy him anything he takes him nowhere my son get bored very easily so obviously he plays up when bored I go pick him up and all he does is tells me how naughty he has been my ex partner is a weed smoker and a very selfish person my son has a party next month which I can’t get the time off work to take him to now he’s son his son he won’t take him as his dad doesn’t want to go I have explained to him it’s all part of been a parent of his son wants to go he should make the effort and take him my son has asked me why he doesn’t take him anywhere it’s heartbreaking his dad just doesn’t seem to get it any advice on what I can do thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2023): Nothing you can do. You chose to procreate with a guy who has no interest in being an active involved father. The time to determine his suitability as a parent was BEFORE you slept with him. You can't force him to be a part of your child's life, but as his mother you are legally and morally obligated to make every effort to compel him to financially support his child. Child support is not baby mama support, it's CHILD support. Be allowing him to get away with not paying, YOU are denying YOUR child.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (10 March 2023):
 I think that you should maybe seek some legal advice, and get some form of child maintenance plan set up as he should really be contributing to the upbringing of his child.
I fail to see why he does not do anything with his child, especially as he only sees him on a limited basis. Was he a selfish person when the pair of you were dating?.
I would certainly seek some advice on this, and get something implemented sooner rather than later.
Also i would want to be sure he is not smoking weed around your child as well. Until you find this out you are quite within your rights not to release him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 March 2023):
 I don't know how old your son is because you don't appear to mention it but, regardless, I can only imagine how damaging it must be for him to only see his father so occasionally and then to only hear from his father how "naughty" he is. Personally I cannot imagine your son benefiting in any way from his visits with his father.
Unfortunately you cannot force someone to be a good or involved father. You must have had some inkling before you got pregnant of what sort of a person your child's father was. It was not a wise decision to produce a child together if you wanted a responsible adult as your parenting partner.
Why is your ex not paying maintenance on the child he co-produced? You need to take him to court and get some money out of him. In your shoes I would also think long and hard about whether contact with his father is only damaging your son.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 March 2023):
 I'd stop the visits and get child maintenance through the courts.
I can imagine it's heartbreaking that his dad can't be arsed to WANT to spend time with his son but I think perhaps NOT seeing his dad might be better overall for your son?
You can't MAKE anyone want to be a decent person, a decent father/parent but you CAN limit the toxic people in your child's life as best as you can.
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