A
female
age
30-35,
*ilish
writes:I met this guy and it didn't take long for me to fall for him. He was honestly everything I'd been searching for in a guy. He was also in the army, but that didn't bother me because I was still planning on sticking with him.Anyway, he was so lovely to me. He spoilt me rotten and used to come up to mine everytime he was going back to camp to say goodbye.He's got this ex who he has a big past with. They were together for about 2 years before they split up and he got with me. Anyway one day, I woke up to a text on my phone saying he felt like he needed to sort things with his ex. I was heartbroken, especially when he cut contact with me completely for her. She only wanted to know him because he was with someone else.Anyway the other day, 4 months after this happened, he got back into contact with me. He told me that he and his ex finished the relationship due to a mutual decision, and that he'd made a mistake and been such an idiot. He asked to meet up so I did. He took me to the cinema and he grabbed my hand in the cinema and told me that he can't forgive himself for what he did. When we drove hom we ended up sitting in the car for 5 hours just talking. Its unreal how much of a connection we have, and we have so much in common too. We both like the same things and both want to move to Australia to live in the future. Anyway, he said he just wants 1 more chance to be with me. He said from now on I can check his phone and have his FB password just to prove that he isn't in contact with her. I've honestly never felt this way about anyway, I seriously think the world of this lad. But I'm so scared that he's gonna do the same again. I know it's dangerous ground to walk on but I just feel that I seriously can't let him go. But at the same time I don't want to get hurt again. Please help me :(
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female
reader, anoninsomnia  +, writes (21 February 2018):
This same thing has happened to me... and i can tell you, I am still with the guy, me and him had been dating for a year before he got back with his ex who he was with for like 4 years. It really sucked because he is my first true love and I never felt like this before, we have the strongest connection and our relationship was always amazing. He treated me and still does treat me like a queen so i was so confused when he did what he did, he got back with his ex for a month before he tried getting back into contact with me, saying he made a mistake, he was dumb, ect. I took him back because ive never loved anyone the way i love him, and he seemed genuine when he told me it was a mistake, but honestly things are great with him... except for the fact that even though i tell myself i trust him i am always worried he's going to do this to me again. He has this huge history with his ex, he knew her his whole life and he's great to me but everytime he's gone i start panicking like what if hes with her. what if he wants her back, ect. and sometimes i get so insecure because i feel like i dont compare to her and that he will never love me as much as he loved her.. so just be careful. I am still with him and you can get back with him, i would just say take it really slow and just know that it wont be the same. it might come with a lot more insecurities and trust issues.. trust me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): This happened to me as well.. i took him back.. weve been togeather for 2 years now.. i love him so much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): "Can I trust him?" Probably not!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Just because he was upfront doesn't mean he wasn't deceptive. He was opportunistic at your expense. He should have never started things with you knowing he had feelings for his ex. There is no way he did not choose her over you and had she not dumped him, you wouldn't be hearing from him now. Guys who beg for second chances know they don't deserve them and I think being alone is the urgency around getting you back, not his love for you. Do you want to be the rebound girl yet again? He may be done with his ex at this point but once he feels better, you having shielded his wounds and built his ego, he will be ready to move on. She dumped him. He's in pain and doing to you now what he never should have done the first time with you. He hasn't learned and grown from his mistakes but you can.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 A text with "I need to work on things with the ex" followed by 4 months of silence = dumped. So sure, he was honest and upfront about dumping her, but that's still called being dumped.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 February 2012):
You'll never be able to trust him. I'd never trust someone who dumped me then came back, and I'd certainly never trust someone who dumped me for an ex.
No matter what he says, I don't think you should go back. He did it once, he's more that willing to do it again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Personally, I would never go back to someone who dumped me for an ex. I would not be able to stop thinking that I was just someone to have around til he found better.
I would not be able to "forget" the past.
I know you care for him alot so if you want to give it a try, I would say, take it really really slow and figure out of you can trust him again.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 February 2012):
Well, if I was in your shoes I'd be worried sick as well. It's one thing to want him, you do want him. But it's another thing to take that risk again. He already broke your heart once, and no matter how much you love him or think the world of him.. well, nothing can take that back. He broke your heart. The trust is gone. He showed you what he was made out of. And he can't just take that back and erase it from your memory.
So... If this was to work out you'd need time. I feel uneasy about his eagerness to have you check his phone and facebook. I mean come on, did he cheat on you, is that it? Why would you need to check his phone? If he isn't going to talk to her then there's no need for you to check his phone. And if he keeps talking to her you'll come to know of it sooner or later anyway. This just makes me think that he plans to HIDE it from you should he talk to her again. I don't know.. it just makes me uneasy that he wanted you to check his facebook and phone. You can't make someone trust you by giving them a stupid password...
Tell him you will think about it, and that he needs to prove himself to you. You don't want or need his password. You need his dedication to you and to your relationship. To never leave you for another woman EVER again. If he wants to end the relationship, fine, but it should NEVER be another person involved. You should always end one relationship before you start another. He needs to prove to you that he has ended his relations with his ex, and that isn't proven by a password. That's prove by TIME.
I mean he stopped communicating with you too for these 4 months. That wasn't any guarantee to his ex that he wouldn't come running back to you, now was it? Him not talking to her is, in other words, no guarantee that he wont run back to her in another 4 months.
He needs to prove that he's done with his ex. That will take around.. I dunno, at least 2 months. He can talk to her all he wants, that isn't the issue. The issue is whether or not he can keep his mind in one place, and not be flaky, here and there a different woman each month. If he still feels the same about you, and about keeping his ex in the past, in 2 months time, then re-evaluate whether you should date him or not. Don't even think about taking him back now, he just finished with his ex, he's in no position to jump into another relationship again. He needs to sort himself out and be single, and prove to you that he actually wants YOU, and that you're not some sloppy seconds or fall-back plan. There needs to be time between one relationship and the other.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (13 February 2012):
 It's only natural that you harbor feelings of mistrust, he left you for his ex and now he wants you back.Just like strongfb mentioned, it really does strike me as well that he wants things to work.If you think about it, he was always honest to you, yes he broke it off with you, and it hurt, but he was honest when he said "he felt like he needed to sort things out with his ex."He really is trying to prove that he wants to make this work. He's offered to allow you to check his phone and networking sites, that's a big deal. It sounds like you both really do have a connection, and sometimes a break can be a beneficial- maybe he didn't realize how happy he was with you or how much he really missed you until after ending it with you. He's realized that he wants you in his life. So give it another chance. I say it would be a good idea to talk about how hurt you were before and that you are scared that he's going to leave you again, and that you don't want to be hurt again. He needs to know that you are giving him another chance and if he ruins it again, that's IT. No more chances. You need to tell him that it's going to take some time gaining trust back, but if he's committed to this, he should already know that and he should understand. Best of luck!
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