A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My now ex left me because he found out his ex girlfriend was having his baby. They had parted on bad terms and he told me that he didn't want to get back together with her because he didn't trust her, but he still left me, and I guess that they are or will get back together, although it really doesn't matter either way. I was very happy with him and after a couple of months I remember thinking that this was the first man I'd ever met who I could see myself eventually having a child with, and now he is having a child with someone else. The whole thing left me devastated, but I have done and continue to do my best to move on with my life. I accept that it's over, I understand why it had to end, and generally I am able to just get on with my life, but sometimes I am struck by intense sadness and regret about the situation. It's been three months and I still think about him all the time. I try to distract myself but things that remind me of him are like a knife in the heart. It's also very painful for me to see happy, affectionate couples, and they seem to be everywhere I look (probably because this is on my mind so much). I haven't met anyone new and don't think this would be the right time at all, because I'm still having a hard time over the way things ended and have realised that I need to do some serious work on myself and my low self-esteem. He was the first guy who really showed me love and affection and treated me well, and he also felt like my friend. Now all those things are gone and I am also left wondering if I was just a rebound relationship for him. I want to believe that I wasn't and that it was real but I don't know and it makes me feel like my life is a bit empty. Apart from one abusive non-relationship before him, I've never been together with anyone and I'm so tired of being single all the time. What can I do to actually move on and stop it hurting so much when I think about him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you for your replies. You all make good points and I am trying to see things in a different light, not being angry over what happened but also not seeing our relationship through rose tinted glasses. It's easy for me in hindsight to say that everything was great but he was a regular guy and of course he had flaws.
Thanks again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): Your relationship was only a few months old - still in the lovely 'new' phase. Maybe he wasn't as 'over' her has he lead you to believe. Maybe he told you he didn't want to get back with her to save your feelings. Don't look at this through rose tinted glasses. He has gone and the best way forward is to put 'what ifs' out of your mind. Concentrate on yourself, meet up with friends. Tell yourself you will be happy and in time you will meet someone new. Be positive and you will get through this.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 Hi, you got a raw deal, but we do heal. It takes time, some take longer than others. To avoid turning bitter, let it go and appreciate the love and time you guys shared, it was special, but sometimes people just come into our life for a short space, leave and we learn what he had to from them and move on.
The anger and hurt will just consume you if you continue to let it and over analyse what happened. Just remember you ex having a baby with the former GF does not mean his problems all disappear. So he may be unhappy but doing the responsible thing as far as he is concerned.
Take care of yourself and move on. Like anonymous said keep busy and I promise it will get easier.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): I was with a guy for 4 years. Last year this time we split. I am still having a hard time with it. When it first ended I cried all the time. My day was consumed with thoughts of him and what he was doing, who he was with, etc.
I still miss him and at times my thoughts are consumed by him. It has gotten easier but I still feel the pain. I just plan my days with activities. Hitting the gym, reading a good book, hanging out with family and friends. Do whatever you like. I have to keep myself occupied or I find myself wondering back to him.
All I can say is give yourself more TIME. It is all we have. I don't think I will ever get over him but I can't let him control my future.
Good Luck!
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