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female
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anonymous
writes: my ex and i were together for over 3 years and broke up over a year ago but noone did anything so wrong..no cheating or anything..just arguments over silly thingsi contacted him a year later leaving a v-mail and he called me back a few minutes later and i explained my regrets and he said he can't jump back into this which I understood. We can't rush back into being together. He also said there are financial things going on stressing him out and also how he feels closed off right now. He said we would exchange calls and then meet. We have been talking for a few months about twice a week He does seem like he isn't happy with the way things in his life are going (unless he is bs'ing me). He says with the mortgage he is paying for his mother's house he has negative income coming in and that he also might have to give up his apartment. He also said he thinks his job will be making rounds of layoffs and he would eventually be affected. He also said if he gave up his apartment (and I live at home but actually might be moving out soon but i didn't tell him that yet) he said where are we going to go; what are we going to do? you need money to do some things etc. I said its not a reason to not see someoneHe said it doesn't feel right to him right now to see each other. He said he can't erase all the negative things or red flags that happened before etc (noone cheated or anything; it was just petty arguments that should have been avoided) He said at the very least just put things on hold and that he needs to square other things away first and that he just isn't in that mindset right now and to basically give it more time. I asked him do you want me to go away and he said he isn't ready to say ok don't talk to me anymore. And I asked so you don't even know if you want to see me in a few months? and he said well it would have to be within a few months or so and that he can't expect me to wait 5 years for a phone call and i told him no i can't do that. I also pointed out it seems like you are turning down the idea without even trying and he said what we have been doing now is trying but he just isn't ready right now. And he said he knows what will happen when we do see each other; it will just be more and more--whatever that means--becoming attached again?Should I leave the door open for the possibility and just be casual on the phone with no serious talk or questions about meeting for awhile and see what unfolds? In the meantime, I am on dating sites open to meeting other people but on the inside I am hoping he comes around. Am I making a mistake by giving it time and seeing what may unfold? I don't want to regret anything by closing this chapter so fast.Should I continue to back off? I would think he has some sort of feelings left since we are talking again and with him saying he can't jump back into this but agreeing to see me and be casual for now. He asked if anyone knew we were talking and I said my mother and he said his mothers knows as well.I am willing to give it him because I care..just a little sad during this holiday time hoping he comes around...Am i making a huge mistake? I am on dating sites to distract myself.
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