A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Very long story... This guy and I were together for a year and a half and had been friends before that. We ended things last April but are still in the same friendship group so we see eachother most weekends. Since last April we've been up and down like a rollercoaster. in the first four or five months we were debating whether getting back together was the right thing. We now just argue and make up over and over again. The boys in the group and myself have never really got on and they say the most horrendous things about me and to me (at one point i was in therapy as they made me so unhappy and almost suicidal). In the last couple of months he has tried to get together with one of my best friends of 14 years. This does upset me and ive spoken about it to him as it makes me feel like i was never the one he wanted. They also work together, i never say anything if they were to get together as i want them both to be happy but i will always feel a little jealous and i guess kind of a psycho ex!! Anyway, I don't really know whats going on as we literally go back and fourth and i don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if i still like him or if its just my self esteem and what the other boys saying impacting what i think. Please help? I'm really stuck with what to do xx
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 December 2016):
 Other people do not make you suicidal, you make your self suicidal by allowing others to keep putting you down and making you feel worthless. You need to get away from this group. These guys are putting you down, obviously they don't like you, but you need to accept that it is okay for them not to but you also need to protect yourself by not hanging around with them. Neither should you be hanging around with your ex as it just hurts and causes bother.
Secondly your ex is free to move on you and him are long over. You are also free to move on. So now your next step should be to make new friends and socialize more with others. Get out of this unhealthy circle and change your life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 December 2016):
 I have to agree with " Youcannotbeserious' here. YOU need new friends, having "so-called friends" who traumatize and verbally abuse to a point of you needing therapy is ridiculous. (not that you needed therapy, but that you stayed "friends" with such asshats).
Why are you such a glutton for punishment?
Stick with people who are WORTH your time, attention, friendship, and affection - not a bunch of immature morons.
If he is looking to date your friend, don't feel jealous it's pointless. And he doesn't seem like such a big loss. Accept that it's over between you two and IF you need to take some distance between you and him so YOU can move on. He already did. And maybe he wants to date her.... because he knows it will hurt your feelings and make you jealous. That way he will have more ammo to throw your way....
DO yourself a favor and don't keep negative people around. They are toxic.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (11 December 2016):
Yep as a mental heath worker You need to change your behaviour by changing your social network ..which means gaining new friends who appreciate and value you and don't make snide comments . You don't need or warrant this . Step back and allow them to get on with it .. If it works for them great if they fall flat on their face still there business . You look after you .
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 December 2016):
 My first thought was that you need to make new friends. Why on earth would you want to stay part of a group where some members treat you so badly? This is just so destructive.
Secondly, you do not own your ex, nor do you have any right to have a say in who he dates going forward. Why would you think, because he has expressed an interest in your friend, months after you two have ended your relationship, that it was never you he wanted but her? This is part of your low self-esteem talking. If he had wanted her all along, he would have dated her, not you. He wanted you at the time. That didn't work out. Now he is moving on and the girl he happens to have his eye on is a friend of yours. This is not uncommon, given you move in the same social circle.
Given the fact that it will hurt you to see him in a relationship with your friend (not totally unreasonable), and that you don't get on with some of the members of the circle, for your own sanity and peace of mind the best thing you could do is to break from this group, find new interests and new friends.
Make this your New Year's resolution. Don't put up with sh*t that hurts you. You deserve better.
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