A
male
age
30-35,
*omradeski
writes:I barely every get on these forums, and I dont think I ever posted a question, but I have one now. I'm a 21 year old male, and I go to college in Philadelphia.My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 4.5 years until she broke up with me at the end of March. So yesterday (August 15th) late at night I get a call from my ex-girlfriend. She says that she has to tell me something. She tells me she's pregnant. Now I know she had sex with another guy after we broke up, and I guess they've been having sex off and on for the past 5 months. But she tells me he got her pregnant and that she was going to give the kid up for adoption. I was speechless, I didnt know how to react. Our conversation lasted about 30 minutes. She was telling me stuff like, "If I was having this baby with you, I would keep it." Anyways the conversation was quite saddening. She was crying and I could imagine how bad and stupid she felt for leaving me and getting pregnant by another guy only 5 months after our break up. Im very confused about how I should feel.On a side note, I was deeply in love with her and the 5 months after this break up was absolute torment for me. I thought I wouldnt be able to survive without her and now this. Before we got off the phone she told me that she will always love me.
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broke up, ex girlfriend, my ex, sex with another Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Johnysonline +, writes (3 December 2012):
If you care that much for her, then the baby is of no worries.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Tell her ' ok - I'll adopt your baby ...'
Then she will come back to you, and you can raise the baby together, and have some more children together.
Simple.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): Hey, it happens! Look, the girl is pregnant, supposedly, and if so, you had better accept the fact. You broke up and that in itself was a sign that it was over. A lot of guys will ball up a girl, if they know she has never had a baby. If she really wants to give the baby up for adoption, --- this sounds suspect --- then fine, but I guess that there is more to the story that she and you are not saying right now. Hey, man! It's over! Go find somebody else and restart your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): My take on this is that she got burned by the new guy and she's leaning on you to make herself feel better. If you got back with her, she'd probably just take off again once she started feeling better about herself again. Don't be her doormat. Find someone who actually cares about you, not just herself.
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A
male
reader, Comradeski +, writes (17 August 2011):
Comradeski is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate your answer Lucky786, I guess you are right. Well, lets see how everything plays out. Again appreciate everyones help.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Why do I think she is manipulative? Why did she feel the need to even say she'd keep the baby if she was with you?
Your ex-girlfriend is deciding the future of her unborn child based on whether she is with the right guy. What a great mother!
You don't have to be clever to be manipulative, you just have to be desperate and incredibly selfish. I'd save your synpathy for her unborn child.
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A
male
reader, Comradeski +, writes (17 August 2011):
Comradeski is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut why would her putting up the baby for adoption, guilt me? Afterall, she's having the baby with another guy, not me. What exactly do you think she is feeling? I just never saw her as a manipulative person, I never thought she was smart or mischievous enough to do that. I just cant help but feel bad for her, because this was a girl I once really cared about.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (16 August 2011):
There's no doubt she regrets breaking up with you. I think she is being VERY manipulative too:
"She was telling me stuff like, "If I was having this baby with you, I would keep it."
Not only is she playing with your feelings but she's trying to guilt you about her choosing to put her baby up for adoption! It's obvious she cares about no-one but herself and you are better off stayong out of her life. If she reels you back in you'll be setting yourself up for a fall.
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A
male
reader, Anadin +, writes (16 August 2011):
 the method of control? it is that shes staying on your thoughts by calling, and trying to keep in touch with you, shes keeping you on the sidelines, this is manipulation aka control
you need to cut contact with her to move on, or if you feel up to the challenge, be a friend...but no more!
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A
male
reader, Comradeski +, writes (16 August 2011):
Comradeski is verified as being by the original poster of the questionANADIN. Thank you for the reply. We broke up because she felt that I was unambitious and undetermined. Literally less thank a day after we broke up she was partying with some other guy (the one that impregnated her) and less than a week after we broke up I found out she sucked him off (sorry for the language) The past months have been hard, moving on, you catch my drift. Well recently in the past month I have gotten a lot better, and then this happened and I got sucked back in. Countless times over the past months I've told her that we couldnt be friends because I couldnt see her with another. But please elaborate on the method of control, if you will?
Anonymous Female reader. Thank you for the reply as well. I know that this isnt really my problem, but I cant help but feel bad for her. In January we were happily going out. In March we broke up and in August she's pregnant. No one could've thought of these circumstances.
I guess Im just in such shock that I havent even realized the situation yet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): Sounds to me like she is feeling bad and sorry for herself. She called you to see if there is a chance that you would want her back even after she goes threw with this adoption. If you can be friends with her I say go for it she probably needs a ll the help she can get. Just be careful not to play any games or the hurt will be worse the next go round! Good luck
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A
male
reader, Anadin +, writes (16 August 2011):
I know its hard, and its horrible to know that she is in need and its because of someone else....you havent fully detatched your heart strings from her...why are you still in communication? why did you break up?
It is my personal opinion that she shouldnt feel the need to be telling you these things....this sounds like a method of controll, to keep herself on your thoughts. to be talking to her after 5 months of being seperate is not going to help you in moving on.
I also feel that while you should care in the sense that you may be a friend or an aquaintance...you should not be feeling much towards her situation, she didnt want to be with you, she got herself into this situation, and over all its not your problem to deal with
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