A
male
age
36-40,
*ools_Breeze
writes:Hey all, so I used to write on here a while back when my ex and I broke up. Basically the gist is that she started dating a new guy like a few days after ending it with me. I pretty much assumed that she had feelings for him and wanted to be with him more so then with me. Towards the end she would talk to him more then with me, but I never forced her to stop talking to him because I trusted her wholeheartedly back then. Well about a year ago they got engaged and I just found out that they just got married this weekend. Now that I know that it's over for good, and that she's clearly happy, I'm having a hard time actually moving on with my life. Ever since the break up I would be lying if I said that I didn't think about her everyday. I've tried very hard to try and get over her and maintained strict NC throughout the entire time. But while she's been strengthening her bond with her new husband and being happy I've been sitting here suffering and just hating.This whole situation has always felt in my heart like a missed opportunity because if certain things had been different maybe she would've wanted to be in my life more. So just thinking about it makes me mad about the whole world. It's also really felt like an unfair situation; almost like destiny made sure those two would end up together. Because she's been able to change her life so drastically and for me I've just been sputtering and not actually moving anywhere with my life.I fear that I'll never be the same, I most likely won't trust people as much as I did. And I also fear that I'm going to start seeing things in a more cynical way. The sad part is that I was never like this, I always had a little bit of negativity in my life but my positive side was always bigger and stronger then my negative side. I know I don't want to be that person but every time I think back on her or what I went through it just makes me so mad at the world and people in general. Even just looking at relationships makes me angry and suspicious of what people are actually hiding. Anyone have any advice on how I can actually get back to a happy place in life? I need to because if I don't it's really hard to actually see the good in life or what is there to be happy about in life.
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female
reader, cats  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Don't let your self think about her. No contact is good but u can't just sit alone thinkin about her. U gota get a life even if u hate it go out, met friends, work, excercise, read, do jigsaws any thing that will keep u busy. You are the only person who can get itself better. Talkin to a professional might be a good idea if ur into that.
A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Ok Hun I'm going to tell you a few things about myself you will understand why as we go further on. I have 3 children I had a failed 4 year relationship with my eldests dad , I met a great guy 1 year after we ended up having 2 more children got married and over the 8 years it all turned to a situation that was very unhealthy so I left . In saying that I had 2 more relationships one was very abusive broke my jaw ribs ect. Now I felt hate anger everything your feeling I felt self pity thought it was me I was what was wrong and then I took a step back and started to think of me first what I had to do to find myself again.. So I wrote a list of things that I had to do and my first on the list was to remind myself I wasn't the problem. It just wasn't meant to be.. You need to put away your anger your self pity and have a good look at who you are. Go out with friends be in the company of friends family as much as possible it really helps..
Now this right here is my biggest lesson I learnt and I'm proud I have completed it.. Be happy for your ex find it in your heart that you know she is feeling happy and use that thought to enjoy that you know she is happy.. I have learnt that holding anger towards anyone hate all the negitive thoughts they are what makes it so hard to get yourself back all that anger puts so much strain on you so if you can't put them out the window that will be your number one on your list...
Now after all this I have just been told by my partner of 6 years that he dosnt want to be the family man anymore. It took me 5 years to move out with him and then it come out of the blue he wanted out. I had to move find a place for me and the kids get furniture I did all the work he moved back in when I got out.. I don't hate him I don't hold any grudges it's life I'm not letting it beat me and this is the attitude you need to adapt ok. It's about you now work out what you. Want and go for it you won't have time to for self pity you will seeing progress.. Be strong stand with me and do not let life's lessons beat you your not going out that easy now start your life as of today
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): I find it very difficult to give someone else advice on how to be happy because I (like many people, I think) only have a very hazy idea about what "being happy" really means to me let alone other people. But the reason I am answering you is that I think I can offer you some advice or at least an idea: I used to be stuck in a pretty bad place full of regret and anger much like what you describe here and one of the things that helped me eventually get out of it was writing it down. By that I mean I wrote a letter to the person all my regret was about. I didn't actually send it to them but writing everything down in a kind of "What would I say if they were standing right in front of me now" scenario actually helped me. Of course it didn't make all my problems disappear but it was a start. I tucked the letter away for some time and eventually burned it. I guess writing this letter helped me to blow off steam and get things into perspective. It's cruel but at some point you have to realize and accept that what's done is done and I know that's effing difficult to do and probably the last thing you want to read right now but that's what it comes down to in the end. You can't change what happened and despairing over it is useless.You're aware of your negativity at the moment and you don't want to be like that. I think that's a very important step towards, well, not being so negative. Realizing that it's definitely over now that she's married will probably only help you in the end as well. It's a hard time you're going through right now and things will not just get better over night but I think if you keep in mind the person you don't want to be (and the one you want to be) and openly confront your feelings in a tangiable manner (like the letter which you can get out again, read over, add to and, most importantly, eventually let go of) it will get better over time. A friend suggested writing the letter when I had similar problems like you and at first I thought it was a silly, useless idea but looking back at it I'm glad I gave it a try.
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