A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:** I know this is long but I desperately need your help ** I need some help about an ex of mine. He is playing mind games with me and its driving me insane. I have borderline personality disorder so my mind is already a bit warped so I am hoping someone here could offer me some advice as this is ruining my life. Recently I broke up with my partner of 8 months but he has went mental. He told me he is going to ruin my life and will hurt me ten fold because of what I have done but all I did was break up with him. He has started befriending my close friends and filling their heads with his made up stories. He has started calling texting my family my aunt, cousins even my dad. He is telling them he loves me and would do anything for me and I don't appreciate how good he is to me. He's turning everyone against me. But the truth is behind closed doors he blackmails me, belittles me and just generally degrades me in any way he can. Everyone else only sees the good side to him where he is nice and couldn't say anything bad about me and tells everyone he only ever looks after me and I couldn't want for anything but that is not what its like. He is malicious and nasty he makes things up and has told everyone I have been sleeping around and I am physically abusive towards him. He tells people that he pays for all my things and I am ungrateful and ruin all his relationships. But this is all lies he has ruined all my relationships with my friends by lying to them and me about talking behind my back and told them I bad mouth them all and I am not a real friend. Now I have no friends and my family don't even believe me I have been outcast by everyone. He cuts himself and follows me around blaming me. He comes to my home all the time I live myself and I am genuinely frightened of him he always says one day he will beat me up and put me in hospital and I don't doubt it for a moment. He says all this will stop if I just take him back but I am afraid of him he is ruining my life I have no one now because of his lies and I am devastated I don't want him near me. I no longer have anyone to turn to and everyone thinks I am an evil vindictive bitch but none of this is true. If it helps we broke up because he was controlling and began to follow me and spreading rumours about me. I am twenty years old so this isn't just high school trouble this is my life and I can't cope :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): I had this when I finally decided to divorce my cheating jealous controlling ex.. he told me if I went through with the divorce I was dead. He did beat me up regularly, drove at a brick wall and played the most awful mind games all to try n keep me. I stuck to my guns, got 2 injunctions out and after 3 of the most harrowing years of my life, got my divorce.
He still stalked me, told everyone I had cheated etc etc, phoned me constantly in the early hours but - after a while people could see the real him - that he wasn't Mr nice guy - and as with all bullys he backed away finally when a male friend or 2 had words
You have to get help, go to the Police insist they listen and take you seriously explain that he follows you and comes to your home that he threatens you and that your genuinely scared. Dont tell anyone you are going to the Police, just do it. Its the only advice I can offer.
Take Care x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): Being related to someone with border line personality disorder, I have to believe that a lot of your complaints with this guy might be exaggerated by your condition. In fact, your complaints follow a trend that my sister's do:-They are melodramatic. For example, you believe he is deliberately trying to "sabotage" your life...or you claim that you have "no family or friends" now and that it's all his fault. Here's an alternative view: He's talking to others because he's genuinely upset you broke up with him...he's talking about you and his history with you because he's also genuinely hurt. You see this and you want to insist this is sabotage aimed at you.-You bifurcate your own identity and his identity between absolute innocent and pure evil. At the moment you are casting yourself as a victim extrodinaire. He on the other hand is being cast as a monster. Somehow I seriously doubt anyone has ever called you a "evil vindictive bitch"...I think this is something you've called yourself and then put into the mouths of other people.-Perhaps the most telling thing is that none of what you talk about seems terribly specific. There are very general accusations of sabotage and deliberate abuse and manipulation, but you've not given a discrete concrete narrative of any of these incidences. You have only a general conspiracy theory.-And....you exhibit lying as a behavoir. You wrote in as a 26 to 29 year old, but later claim to be 20.I do want to help you, but I have a feeling your own illness might be getting in the way of perceiving this situation realistically and seeing how your own behavior might have brought it about...I'm not saying your boyfriend isn't at some fault, but you have cast him as your personal "destroyer" and nemesis and yourself as complete victim. When people break up, this is rarely the case. I would suggest you get some counseling to help you through this break up.Good luck.
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