A
female
age
30-35,
*aybaybay_x
writes:Me and my ex broke up a week ago. I ignored him and his texts since then but he keeps msging me. Today he msged me asking why i was ignoring him... So i said he made his decision. I respect it but I'm not settling for any less than what I want (he said he wanted us to be 'cool')He then broke down and said he understood and proceeded to say that he missed me but..."I don't know if I can give you my all right now and I dont want to lead you astray" ? I just said okay but its playing on my mind. We've broken up so I don't know why he's even explaining himself. ...What does he mean?
View related questions:
broke up, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2015): what did your ex expect of you when he told you he wanted a break from you because of your bad behaviour ..did he think that after a solitary soul searching month you would agree with him? Did he think that the spark that makes you into you would be extinguished and you would turn into a pleasing geisha girl? Or has it all got out of hand? As he cant give you his all, i cant help wondering what his all is? Does he mean fidelity, marriage, future or is he trying to say that sometimes he just hits a dead end? Now is the time to book a free counselling session somewhere and have a long chat about what you want out of life and out of a relationship and how you intend to move forward especially if you are getting confused by it all. I expect your ex has dead ended himself more than he thought he would and maybe he really doesnt know what to do other than to say lets be cool ,lets be reasonable, i cant have a relationship but i miss the sex so much. Is he a die hard im in charge kind of man..etc ...or is he a ladykiller or just a plain ol lovable nice guy? Stay cool sounds a bit like "friends with benefits" to me , or, as you have been together for a while is he hoping to have a reconciliation and brush the whole thing under the carpet and get back to being a loved up couple?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 May 2015):
 I agree with Cindy.
He is missing the attention you were giving him, and HE still wants that. He can't seem to understand that you DON'T want something half-asses either.
He might also feel guilty that he hurt your feelings and want to feel LESS guilty about the break up, thus trying to explain why he broke up. But here is the thing, it didn't work out, it happens. Now YOU are ready to move on, so don't let him hold you back.
Keep ignoring him, if he blows up your phone tell him, I wish you luck but I don't want contact so stop messaging me. Then you either BLOCK his number or learn to ignore his messages.
He can go be "cool" all by himself. YOU DO NOT owe him any contact. The relationship is over and done with. If you prefer no contact then GO for that.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 May 2015):
 Nothing. Ego. Sheer ego. Nobody likes to be ignored, and everybody likes to have things go according to the scenario THEY have in mind. Your ex obiously want his freedom back AND you to be cheerful , friendly and " cool " about it, and he does not like that you aren't cooperating with that scenario. He does not want to come off as the bad guy- he left you for his own selfish reasons ( ... not that one hasn't got the right to be "selfish " in relationships, if they feel they aren't happy with how things are, btw.... ) but he wants to look like the good guy that thought of you first and of what you need that he cannot give you blah blah.
Like, to simplify extremely : probably he broke up ( or lead you to break up ) because he wanted to be free to check other options and screw around a bit. But of course it sounds better and nobler if he says " I realized I could not give you all you need and deserve from a relationship blah blah ". Your typical " you deserve better " : which generally means " I,the dumper, feel I deserve better ". Only, it's nicer if it comes off the way your ex is putting it.
Don't worry about him, - don't be bitter about it, break ups happen , and, in time, ... you realize it was for the best. At the same time, keep ignnoring him, and do not ask / offer him any chance for pointless post-mortems . It did not work out- ok, life goes on.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): Wow! It's dejavu for me. These guys seem to want it all while having no regard for your feelings and the overall effect it has on you. I put up with the same behavior for some time. Although, in my case, he had made choices which lead to the break up, he kept coming back because he still wanted me as a friend despite my effort to completely take him out of me life. His choices were clearly not those of a committed relationship......need I say more? He visited me in my office at least once a day, usually more. My guess is that he wanted conversation when there was no one else available to visit. He's infamous when it comes to hounding women. I wondered also if he also saw opportunity to help himself to sweets and beverages we keep in the office. I don't know but some of his conversations brought back bad memories and hurt. Despite the breakup he felt he had to be at least a distant friend. Funny, because the last time we decided to get back together, he said he was very busy and couldn't give me much time other than the visits he paid me in the office. After that statement, I figured there was something fishy. So this last time I was adamant and asked him to stay out and told him I couldn't be his friend.......this must have been the 3rd or 4th time I asked unsuccessfully but this time I got a good feeling he got the message. Evaluate your situation. Is he worth having around as a friend or does his presence bring you pain? It's a pretty personal decision and only you can decide based on feelings and past experiences.
...............................
|
