A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a bad situation and I don't know what to do about it. Apologies if this quite a long question.I can't really talk to my family because they all have quite decent lives and I feel like a bit of a black sheep.Anyway I've been seeing my boyfriend for three years and we moved in with each other after 6 months which I know was too quick. He was single for years and liked being able to do what he wanted. He would stay out all weekend and I would have no idea where he went. He would ignore texts and not answer his phone.He was also quite close with an ex from years ago and I found out that he would talk to her and visit her behind my back. I split up with him because I found out he'd gone out drinking with her and he text me over two thousand times in the space of a week and I had enough.A friend messaged me on Facebook after we had been apart for two weeks and I thought it would be a good idea to turn off my phone and I stayed at his house for the night. When I got home he was waiting and went mad because I'd been out all night. This was about two years ago.I stupidly got back together with him but ever since then he's called me a whore for staying at a man's house shortly after we split up. I try to explain to him that he has no right to when he did the things he did to me. But he doesn't listen.A few months ago we argued and he said some pretty awful things so I finished with him again. It wasn't just awful it was disgusting and vile. I invited a friend over to mine one night and he found out about this. I didn't sleep with either of these friends. I wouldn't ask advice on here and lie about details as there is no reason to. I have close male friends, which he doesn't like. When I'm in a relationship I wouldn't ever ask them over as I think it's a bit disrespectful but when I'm on my own I see no reason why I can't hang out with them.He keeps calling me a liar and a cheat but he has stayed with his ex overnight on three occasions, that I know of, probably more.I don't want to be with him but when I try and split up with him for good he brings up the fact that he's helped me with money and bought me a lot of things. He lost his job recently and he's making me out to be a terrible person for ending things at Christmas time and he's lost his job. He keeps saying I'm splitting up with him because I'm seeing somebody else.I really need an outsiders view on this. I feel bad that when we've split up I have gone to see male friends and if he did that as soon as we split up I'd probably think he had been cheating on me with them. I don't want to be with him but the comments he's made about me being a whore are getting to me and I'm wondering if anybody would feel this way if their partner did the same after breaking up.
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christmas, facebook, got back together, his ex, liar, lost his job, money, moved in, split up, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 December 2015):
 Please read Ciar and Anonymous 123's answers and accept that this guy IS bad news and he doesn't LOVE you.
GET rid of him. You know it was a mistake to get back together... so correct that mistake and end it.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 December 2015):
 Oh my God...I cannot say this enough...just for heaven's sake break up with him and don't look back. This man is nothing but horribly bad news. He's not someone who loves you, respects you or will ever support you. There is no future with him.
He calls you despicable names because he suffers from a huge inferiority complex and this is his way of making himself feel big. Don't, please don't be with this man. You don't owe him anything at all and you don't need to be nice to him. He'll always find an excuse for you to *not* break up with him. Christmas, New Year, the fact that he's unemployed...he can find any excuse to guilt-trip you into staying with him...not because he loves you but because he wont let go of you. If you're as bad as he makes you out to be, then why doesn't he himself leave you? Have you ever asked yourself this? Because the simple reason is that he wont and that, is a very scary proposition.
This man has stalker tendencies. He could really get very scary and this is why when you break up with him, you block his number, you block him from social media and please inform your friends and family so that they are there for you. Don't go around asking single male friends for support...not that I'm questioning you but the fact is that its not something that you can rely on for very long. You have to eventually be home alone and there he'll be waiting for you. That's when you need family and maybe even the police, if things get out of hand.
Do talk to your family. Family will always stand by you and even if they get angry, they wont ever give up on you. They'll be the ones to stand by you. They and your close friends.
Don't hesitate to call the police if he gets too cocky and tries harassing you. Do everything that you possibly can to block him and don't let him scare you.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 December 2015):
 Your boyfriend no more believes you're a liar or a whore than he believes in Santa. This is pure manipulation designed to keep you around and on the defensive. Think about it, if he really believed you were a liar and a whore, why does he stay with you? Why does he try to stop you from leaving him?If you boyfriend can't entice you to be with him, he figures he'll guilt you into being with him and going the extra mile to make him happy to show you're innocent.Please stop trying to reason with him because as you're seeing you're getting nowhere. You're not supposed to. That's the trap here. He wants the freedom of a bachelor with the comfort of having a doting 'wife' faithfully waiting at home. Someone content to sit on the shelf until he has a use for them. Especially someone who doesn't think she's owed anything because she thinks SHE owes HIM. You need a support network, so reach out to family and friends (preferably female). You don't have to blab this to everyone but let the wisest, most trusted, most potentially helpful ones know what's been going on. You have nothing to be ashamed of here. Your boyfriend is the black sheep, not you. He wants to isolate you so it will be harder for you to leave. Get your ducks in a row, then get out. Learn to be confident, and in the meantime fake it 'til you make it. Show him no doubt or fear. Think happy steam roller. You owe him nothing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2015): You have had enough of this badmannered lout and so you should.god didnt put women on this earth so men could abuse them ..no..not at all..he entrusted the power of creativity to women and your bloke is jealous of that.Also he thinks he is wonderful but he is not and finally he is a mind twister.your dear other half has most probably been shagging his ex on those times he"s gone awol and he has got a bleeding cheek to mirror it back on you.But he has also got you in a state of submissive insecurity while he is busy projecting his alpha pack leader image.If i had it in my power i would give you a brand new boyfriend for xmas...one who was kind and considerate and had more respect for himself and you.Not a coarse and foulmouthed insecure piece of smutt that sniffs around other females and then comes home to myther on you.I dont think it matters when you get the break up finalised so long as you do get the chance to meet someone decent without dragging this wretched millstone with you.He would never make a decent father of children because the only person he is capable of loving is himself.He doesnt own you and he cant buy you so his gifts have to rest in the past.Consult free legal advice if you doubt me on that.Also seek out a womans group or get linked into a womans refuge where he will never be able to find you and you can relocate your life.You can tell your doctor that your partners non stop abuse is getting you down and he will point you in the direction of reliable help.Its a good idea to break the silence and tell people that his foulmouthed manner has got you running away.But dont just up and leave to an uncertain future.You can link into proper help and get a safe and secure future.
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