A
female
age
30-35,
*aybaybay_x
writes:We broke up april. I havent spoken to him since because he strung me along during exam season and asked for a break, when it seems he just wanted me to do the dirty work. I eventually dumped him after waiting for him and he accepted without fuss stating 'if you can't wait then I guess its for the best'.We live on campus at the same university and since the break up he has been making himself known to my friends that dont know him asking how i am and that he is my ex and whethet we live together (we live on the same road,he is aware who i live with.) To the point where they make a concious effort to avoid him because he forces small talk with them.This weekend, I went out twice and he was at the same clubs I went to.On the friday, he stayed in my view, leaning on the wall just watching me and moved whenever I moved. On the saturday, he did the same thing, i'd catch him behind me or just watching me and almost smiling but this was my favourite club and I was having a reall good time with my friends and a lot of men were around us trying to talk to us etc.. Plus, my friend is going through a bad time and she really wanted to let her hair down.He then comes up to me and grabs my arm and says something I can't quite remember... But I remember saying to him 'I'm not drunk . Who are you to tell me to calm down?' He says something along the lines of "it's like that now? you're embarrassing yourself now" which I disregard and say 'I was acting the same way yesterday. You didnt say anything. What are you trying to prove?' and he then says now that i know you're not drunk I'll leave you alone. I walk away but he proceeded to stay in my view and watch me.He has really been trying to contact me which I ignore. But it made me feel really uncomfortable him just watching me. He hasn't seen me in a club setting which i guess is why he thought i was acting a bit "too much" lol but i wanna know what his deal is? He sees me everyday nearly and says nothing which I prefer. I almost feel like not going out now because it awkward. Even our mutual friends were saying he's behaving weirdly and he keeps watching me.My friends say it seems he's trying to mark his territory and show that he knows me....But I wanna know what his deal is... Should I call him out?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): In life we do many things that we later regret and we hurt people in ways we dont realise at the time.It is usually due to immaturity and confusion about the different ways we could react to a situation.Counselling gives us tools to react differently and to acknowledge some of our confused feelings.Its not always a miracle cure but it can be helpful.Moreover it is usually free at university and you will generally be greeted in a friendly way.Some people see it as a kind of anchoring as well as a way of finding new ways to deal with a situation.It is good that you both live on campus and you could go alone first and they might suggest you bring the ex in to discuss his mixed feelings also, alone or as an ex couple.My concern for you is that i get the impression you rely heavily on alcohol to be a party gal.So do mmany students.But it is not a good way of life and many students learn to tone the drinking down at some stage , usually when they realise that they are hungover every morning or start getting the shakes.Relationshiwise it is going to be very difficult for you to get lasting and good advice from a site like this that can only touch on the tip of the problem because we have no anchor on you.We dont know you in any way at all and we would be unfathomable genie if we could get it accurate every time..It worries me that you could genuinely be wanting some help and we may not be properly providing it even if we've been there and done that in the past.I dont think you should shy away from seeing the counsellor.They are used to helping people readjust from breakups, deal with grief,learn how to move on and so on.One of the greatest tools you could acquire whilst at uni is learning how to accept talking help because its free and because it may save both you and him a lot of heartace in the future.You just need to say "I need to talk about a breakup with my ex six months ago and how to handle it now."And they will say something like " ok would you you like to tell me how you feel about him now..""Or they may ask you what the relationship used to be like?What was it you used to like about him?Or how well did you get on when you first met?In fact talking like this can really clear the air in a way that sudden, abrupt ,or isolated answers to isolated questions on the net never can.So while you are at university use the tools they provide to give you the help you need.You wont be the only person wanting their help but dont underestimate how helpful it could be for you and go ahead and book that appointment so that individuals like me dont have sleepless nights worrying that you are not getting the correct advice because we are not capable of giving it in the circumstances we are in where its only a passing message and no more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): well i think you should see a student counsellor anyway because it is quite confusing:You planned to live in the same street four doors down but then you broke up.So he was mr charming only 4 doors away from Mrs potential future charmning.You dont speak to him now but he tries to intiate contact frequently.You were really drunk but you were offended when he grabbed your arm.Youd be upset if he bedded one of your friends but you have no interest inhim sexually now because you broke up.Its 6months on but you havent got sorted.Why wouldnt he be hoping to reconcile?If im confused about it maybe he's confused.So get your sorry asses off to counselling and get it sorted out because you are now making out that he's a stalker and before he was your other half.You both need to establish if you feel anything for each other or not and if its definately over you shake hands and move on..you do not torment each other in memory of what you once had.
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (17 November 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, no. He didn't bed my best friend. Lol God help him if he did.I do have some backing stories. I'll link them. I'm not sure what it is... I'm really confused. Knowing him, his ego couldn't take that my outgoing personailty (that resumed after we broke up because he drained me) is not just me trying show off or go the extra mile for him to notice me lol. Not realising that I am a true party girl and love a good drink or 5.I've always been a socialite in my own right where as he is a loner...I feel like if he was in love or anything like that. He'd try... I think his reasons are selfish...However, I do feel like he's maybe regretting. He caught me in my element lol maybe wants to redeem himself and be the 'saviour' because he thinks i think hes an ass and i was really drunk lol I have no idea how to read this.Is it a real case or is this just an immature guy who will soon take the hint even though its been nearly 8 months.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2015): i think you should talk to a student counsellor about this whole scenario because you need some backup here.Presumably mr popular would have some respect for that.All i know is that he has played a pivotal role in your life from sixteen which is quite young for you and i think you would be welcomed to sit down and talk about how to cope with the aftermath of a breakup at uni because that keeps it in a normal light rather than this way where it is all ongoing and anonymous.If he took a nasty turn i would like to know that people can say "oh yes,so and so,been harrassing her and her friends and his friends to not like her."I just dont like the way he's always negatively isolating you! Popular and sometimes devious people dont usually like it all washed out in public because it annihilates the popular image a bit.You need to talk about him,name age and all to some one official to get practical advice and maybe personal counselling.If needs be they will have a word with him to leave you alone and to stop trying to humiliate you in public..now that he cant do it behind closed doors.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2015): This is the same bloke who bedded your best friend and left you devastated?But where is she when he's out stalking you?This man thought he owned you mind, body and soul and he doesn't want anyone else near you.Im glad you have friends to dance with.I think you have to be blunt to the point of rudness with him.I think you might have to throw a public hissy fit.I think you have to keep yourfriends near you but when he proprietorially steps in yell at him "You shagged miss available..now f°°° off and leave me alone!"Of course he .might be the type to benefit from a barney being the I'm reasonable shes mad type!So a cold aloofness might do.But its your virtue he's hanging on to.While there is no one else around you he thinks he's in with a chance....and he made sure he sees his friends off and away from you.Is he obssessively in love with you or just someone who sees you as his property.?Keep your friends close while yet more water passes under the bridge.Im glad to hear you are not an island and have friends to go out and dance with.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (17 November 2015):
 Hon, your ex has become a stalker!
Rather have NO contact with him at all, make sure that he is blocked from all your social media etc.,
Ask your friends to refrain from any contact with this guy as well as discussing anything with him regarding you.
Can you not go and see your local police and ask for assistance? Perhaps they would be able to go and speak with him to try and deter him - I don't think you have enough reason at this point to ask for a restraining order...
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