A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I suppose I should summarise. I met him 10 years ago and we started by dating. We were both incredibly young and reckless, not to mention mentally unstable. We were both confused about our sexuality but he has since came out as gay. Somehow after we broke up, after many years of ups and down we forged a friendship with one another. OK, it definitely wasn't easy, but we loved each other and couldn't bear a life without each other in some way. Whilst we were trying to build a friendship he was still very much in love with me, and I loved him too.... But I didn't tell him, even though he's gay he was genderblind towards me. It didn't matter because he loved who I was. I knew we just wouldn't work as a couple, his family hated me and it would have never worked between us. But it started to go downhill after he started dating because he moved on from me and had less time for me and I was and still am secretly in love with him.We always fought and usually would stop talking for a while. I would always contact him first saying sorry, and he'd tell me how much he missed me and the only reason he didn't contact me was because he thought I was happier without him in my life.Our last fight however was different. He was getting himself into a lot of trouble and I was really worried about him so I told someone despite him telling me not to. He was so angry and told me to never ever contact him. So I blocked him on everything to try hide the pain and he seemed angered by this, mocking me if there was a site I forgot to block him on. I didn't tell him I did it because he essentially asked me to. He was very horrible towards me and really hurt my feelings and he started talking about me behind my back.Despite how our friendship ended I miss him every single day. It's been nearly a year and a half and it gets harder everyday. I want to move on but I can't. Maybe it is because we left on such a bad note and I never really got a chance to say goodbye and thank him for all he's ever done for me. Letting him go was so hard for me because he was my only friend and I invested my life in him. Now I have no friends, no partner and I'm left with nothing. I don't think he realises just how much I gave up.Do you think it would be wise to contact him after so long and say my peace? Or should I just try and move on? I'm so scared he'll be angry if I contacted him and I really wouldn't even know what to say or where to start. I don't think we should enter into each other's lives again, but I'm scared something will happen and I'll have never gotten a chance to say goodbye properly. Any advice would really be helpful.
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female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (18 November 2015):
 I think if you're TRULY sh*t scared worried about someone, it's natural to tell someone because you feel like you can't save them by yourself... It's not the worst crime! To be honest he sounds VERY angry and still an unstable person with a lot of emotional and mental baggage... I went out with a guy like this... i think his anger is unjustified... You have a very strong foundation with this guy, and because of his (and yours) emotional temperament, there has been a lot of drama that you NEED to let go of- you HAVENT lost everything, honestly... I know what a relationship like this can feel like- the end or the making of the world...I think this need for closure is what's Really eating you- so make it ONE last goodbye.... I think there's a great danger it will reopen all the old wounds, he'll burden you with a lot of old emotional baggage- that will consume you, like it did before... Don't let yourself get into that trap by being honest, say that you always cared and will care and that you are sorry, - he KNOWS deep down your intentions were good anyway, Say it IS one last goodbyeYou honestly need to move on, you're just living every day for a YEAR AND A HALF rehashing the SAME situations- you're getting into very unhealthy negative thought patterns, nobody ever truly knows what's inside people's heads, you have no new information on this guy (excluding social media, which is you're just filling in the blanks, OBSESSING over what? Your own irrational thoughts... I know what it's like, this is what ends up completely DRAINING you- you expend so much mental energy on these negative thoughts, which CREATE anxiety, fear, despair- which then drains more of you. This is why you feel so low and it gets to a point where you do something drastic.. Maybe get some CBT or talk to a therapist- everyone could do with therapy really... Lol So if you feel like you need to contact him but be AWARE of what might happen...Good luck and take care!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2015): Don't be scared of his anger (unless he's dangerous!). You have to accept that he has the right to be angry (or anything else he may be feeling). Even though you intentions were good, you broke his trust and told his secret to someone else. If you NEED to say your peace because you think that it will make HIM feel better, I'd do it. But, if you need to do it just because it would make you feel better, think twice. Ask yourself how it would make him feel.I don't want to sound paranoid, but given the complex nature of your relationship, maybe he's lelieved or maybe he just nedeed some time off.If you do decide to contact him, I would do it by email. I would underline that I understand that what I had done was hurtful (and still is). I wouldn't try to justify myself. I would just appologize again and tell him how much he means to me and that I miss him.It's important that you do not justify your actions. It always sounds like "you don't have the right to be angry because I....". Wrong. He does have the right to be angry. Own up to your mistake.
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