A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is an illegal alien and this is the reason he broke up with me. He does not want me to be attached if he gets sent back to his country. I can't go because I have a little girl and el salvador would not be good for her. The thing is nothing changed still flirts, calls comes by, we have sex. He spent the holidays with us. I know what can happen if he can't get paperwork worked out his dad us citizen but I don't think we should give up. Together 6 months and not one fight. We are growing from each other. I would rather deal with him leaving country than giving up on what may happen. He said he needs to look for Latin American woman in case sent back but cares for me and will be there for me but can't take me with him. This all is logical but emotionless and not right. I want him back what should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 I will speak from this side of the border, as I am a Hispanic myself.
Yes, being deported from the United States is a humongous problem for us. Imagine what would happen to you if you had to leave everything behind, start anew, and then someone came and sent you back to where you used to live, only without money, connections or anything. And deportation is forever, though many of us manage to get back in.
That said, I think this is not the reason why he broke up with you. You know, attachment does not exist between people because they have an "official" relationship going on. It exists because they love each other. So, if he maintains the ties but "officially" breaks up, what he is doing is having his cake and eating it, too.
As to his being with a Latin American woman, "Latin American", in this context, can mean "born in the US", "born abroad but US citizen", "born abroad but legal resident", or "illegal alien" (like that passenger of yours, Sigourney, only this one speaks Spanish and wears a sombrero). I fail to see how a woman in any of those categories would find deportation any less traumatic.
You know, so many of us who left the country and are now abroad had lives before they left. I can tell you that perhaps I would have more friends in Miami than here :-). Are you sure he has no ties in El Salvador?
Then, I fail to see the logic in dumping you now, if we suppose that he wants to protect you from heartbreak. He broke your heart already, in order to protect you from it?
Then, a secondary thing. A friend of mine who is now an American citizen told me once that people often made the mistake of thinking that hiding from the INS made sense. It might make sense, for a while, he said, but if you file a request then the paperwork is under way, and, no matter how it ends, your situation is "regular". Maybe he lied to me, but my point is that, according to your point, he's already filed a request. How can he be deported, then?
I say, don't have sex with this guy and ask him to give you a good relationship or nothing.
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