A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married 20 years and am feeling totally conflicted qs to whether to stay or go out into the world on my own now our Holden are grown My husband is a good man and we get on well. We also have sex that is ok but I would t call it passionate. I long to be desired and I've always felt that I wasn't really his type physically . He does Mage to perform sexually and im sure that porn helps him with that . I have tried over the tears to be desirable and look after myself I kust literally feel that there has never been the passion for me gbat I see in his eyes when he looks at other women . I feel he married me for companionship and ofher good thinsv about our partnership which I don't deny As time goes on im finding it harder to deny that I long for a man to desire me , to want me and I know time is getting on and I honestly feel so sad when a man might give me the look I see my husband has for other women I did meet a man who felt that way about me but I didn't follow through with if and stayed in the martiage out of a feeling of obligation and perhaps fear of making a mistake . I have tried many times connecting with my husband but it feels like he isn't really interested in sharing intimacy or my true sexuality , just the physical act that he uses my body whilst imagining other women. I now wonder everyday if even being alone and feeling that deaire just once is better to being trapped and not really wanted . Just a used up old wife while he dreams of other women.I'm so sad and just don't know what to do . Do i sacrifice the dream of an amazing connection with someone that may never happen or do I stay knowing that will never happen with my husband
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2015): well your post reads like you got your head firmly in the clouds.Your husband married you but he didnt fancy you or want to bed you!You really believe that ? Most men have a strong desire to marry someone they can expect to have a lot of sex with.He chose you.He would have joined the monastry for companionship or the navy or the mens club.What makes you so sure he's dreaming he's sexing someone else?What makes you so sure that the interested other guy didnt want just a taste of what your husband has ?You are bored with yourself and projecting all that on your hubby.If he just came home and say "Darlin after all those years of rubbish sex with you Im going to divorce you and marry sexy suzy from down the road!"You'd be furious and on here ranting and moaning about him using you!What you need is a holiday.Get the research going and book one.Stop knocking your life in the hope that a non existant fantasy man would improve it.Plan your next adventure now and dress up for xmas in some very pretty lingeries and see the tables turn!
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (16 October 2015):
In the 40s if you are not happy it is a very difficult time.Because at this age we stand back and view our situation at all levels.be it money or the type of house we live in.e.c.t.We question our achievements at all levels and particular our personal relationship.Would you consider having a quiet indept chat with your husband-telling him how you feel,try and talk things out But it might be agood idea to go to a counsellor and give it another chance.however you are entiltd to feel loved and desired and to be able to return that love.But please remember HILLS ARE ALWAYS GREEN IN THE DISTANCE-So please take your time and advise from the counsellor and consider your situation re-living alone.Dreams are o k But you must wake up to reaility and the real world.KIND WISHES FOR YOUR FUTURE...NORA B.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2015): This is the original poster . I am so sorry for my typos . It should read that my children are grown and he does manage to perform during sex , but it feels devoid of desire for me and more just the urge to release his orgasm . Am I wrong to want something more , some deeper connection even though it seems very unlikely I'll get that at my age.
We tried counselling a few years ago and nothing changed . I guess if the desire is not there it can't be manufactured.
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