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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My ex is a jerk but I sitll want him. Last night he took me to a pub, because he was meeting a guy over there. I told him he could go alone, 'cause I wasn't in the mood for going out. But he begged, so we went. It was all ok, but suddenly he flipped. He has problems with my past (very, very PG-13 past if you get what I mean... I mean, I lost my virginity to him, that should be your clue as to how tame it was). Now, I never bragged about my past, ever, but he asked once and he couldn't handle the truth. And last night was no exception. I never bring up my past, ever. So he flipped out over nothing I did. I wasn't flirting with anybody, I wasn't checking anybody out, etc. He just remembered about a guy in my past and started nagging about it. There was a TV at the pub, and they had videos of naked girls on. He just stared at the TV screen, his eyes were fixed on their boobs. He knows I have issues with my small boobs. And when I made a comment about it, he just told me not to make a scene. I just sat there quietly sipping beer, byt very hurt inside. I mean he has told me he didn't do that sort of thing, which I'm not naive enough to believe, but I thought he'd had enough respect to do it when I'm not around.But that's not the worst part! Then we left. It's about a 15 minute walk from the pub to my house. And guess what? He took a taxi and went to his place, so he just left me there alone at 2 am. I had to take the 15 minute walk to my home, alone, since I didn't have money to pay a taxi. What kind of guy does that?Then I called him, asking him for an explanation to his behavior since I consider I didn't do anything to deserve that last night. He wasn't bothered to offer an explanation other than I make him mad, and I do deserve it for having been too much of a slut in the past. Too much of a slut?! TOO much of a slut, you say?!? I only ever kissed other 5 guys aside from him, gave one of them a blowjob and that was it. I hope one day he fallas hard for a real slut, so that he can realiza how much suffering he put me through over nothing!He turned his cell phone off. When I've turned my cell phone off he has called my home number late at night. and I've turned my phone on so that he doesn't annoy my parents. So I figured I'd do the same. Except he didn't turn his cell phone on, and today told me I was stupid since his mom had been complaining that someone had been calling late at night and hanging up. He didn't tell her it was me, but it0s funny how when he's done it, he says nothing but when I did it last night I was stupid, and blah, blah.I realize this isn't a healthy relationship, but hard as I've tried, I can't get over him. I've tried to, but I fail each time. I mean, if he didn't have a problem with my past, all would be awesome. But every time we fight it's because of my past, and I'm not the one who starts it. It seems like he doesn't realize just how much he frustrates me and hurts me, since he never apologizes for this. I've told him several times that if he hates my past so much, then end it for good. That if he likes more about me than what he dislikes then to think about it and weigh his options, and he always stays so I always assumed he liked me more than he hated me. What's even worse is that now it's like he doesn't care. He thinks I'm the bad guy, but who is, according to you? Sure, I shouldn't have gone all psycho dialing-and-hanging-up on him, but last night was too much for me to handle. I'm here heartbroken and suffering, because he's made me feel bad about my past, my body, etc. But he is having a blast with his friends, he isn't heartbroken at all, I am sure! I know this is bad, but I wish he gets with a true slut who'll hurt him for real so he feels sorry for having made me feel bad over nothing. I mean even if I had slept with 50 guys before him (which I didn't), it would have been BEFORE him. Not while with him, before him. And I didn't even sleep around, I kissed 5 other guys, that's it. That deserves so much emotional punishment? Jerk. But I can't seem to justwalk away, I sitll miss him and wish he'd magically change into who he was before he ever asked me about my past and became a cruel man. Guys - this is my advice to you. If you really like a woman, hell, if you really love her never make her feel bad about her past. You would never understand how much it hurts. If you can't handle it, let her go, but never put her through so much pain over stuff that happened before she was with you. If you dislike it but think being with her is worth it, work your hardest to get over it (it's not necessary to keep it to yourself, you can talk with her and get her support, just don't nag and complain and make her suffer, but talk calmly about it). Just don't make her go through excruciating pain just because.Come to think about it, girls that advice applies to you, too.
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blow-job, boobs, flirt, heartbroken, her past, in the mood, lost my virginity, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): I write from experience, so I know how hard it is for you, but you must let this one go! He is damaging your self esteem and will destroy your being.
Try and think of yourself as your 'best friend'. What would you say to your best friend if she was left to walk home alone?
You sound like a really warm and loving person - give that warmth and love to someone who will give it back. You deserve it.
A
female
reader, ffogalilly  +, writes (31 October 2009):
Sounds like the same thing I went through, I finally just told him its over. I got tired of his crap, he would only want me when he was in a jam, or to take care of him when he was drunk.
You can't imagine how much I wanted this man, I wanted him sexually in the worst way, it was fun to be with him because we would just wind each other up and have sex. The last time we were together he told me that he loved me twice, and he made many comments about my body. He said don't change your body, I like it the way it is.
I liked him for a long time, and yes I made big mistakes to, I haven't had that many sexual partners, but he knew things about me and never said anything about it. And he was my age and was still going to college too. But my relationship was not healthy, I knew that it wasn't, and I know that he treated me like crap.
I Don't take this guys crap, just call him and tell him that its over, he's going to keep baiting you, just don't bite anymore.
He really isn't worth all of the pain you're feeling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): I am sorry he is such a jerk, I don't really know what you expect us to say here, if you still like him anyway, I guess you still like him.
But maybe ask yourself if you aren't just for some reason triggered by men who emotionally and verbally abuse you and you think you need their validation (his acceptance of your past and of you) or you are simply going to crawl up in a ball and die.
Yes it hurts. It hurts to be mistreated.
You do not deserve to be mistreated FOR ANY REASON no one does. This is a personality problem with him and he is not likely to change.
If you care about you, if you care about having a happy relationship, then you need to kick this one to the curb and tell him to never ever cross your path again.
He simply is not worth it.
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