A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HI my fellow Aunts. Need your help with something if you don't mind.Long story short my ex husbands fiancee` is being a bitch. I have 3 kids two of which are my ex husbands, we get on really well (since he came back here) he lived abroad for about 6 years, he never kept intouch with the kids only send a card on xmas and birthdays. But since his been back his made a massive effort and the kids have finally got their bond back with him. My problem now is his fiancee` wants to keep him away from the kids. I see through a friends FB page she had written she cant wait to get away from all this crap and that they will be turning their phones off and going on holiday (which will be around the time of our daughters birthday), she carries on laughing and joking about it to her friends, and without mentioning names slagging me and my kids off. Saying her and my ex will having the time of their lives and with the phones off that crap can be gone! So what I'm needing advice with is...should I tell my ex whats happening before the kids want no more to do with him (as they are the ones who told me about what she had said as they can see her on FB). I can't, I blocked her. They say if he goes and does that he can stay gone :(I don't want their relationship to go down hill again because of this silly woman. What she don't know is that my ex and I are getting on really really well, to the point that I think we may actually be getting back together (but I wouldn't split them up I would want him to come back to me because he wants to). Then I think if I do tell him she will twist it and say I'm lying and trying to stir, however I have the FB page copied. I don't want to come across as the jealous ex because i'm not, I want him to be happy and if he's happy with her then thats fine too, but when it comes to our kids I wont have her come between their father and them. What should I do ??
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your advice all. I spoke to him about it last night, as it was our youngest sons birthday, and he was not very happy, he said he had seen the comments himself and no-one will ruin his bond with the kids again ever! I didn't want to keep on as it was my sons birthday so didn't want to take up the kids time with him, but I will speaking again tommorow and putting my concerns about this holiday, I have a feeling he will be changing dates if he is going away now.
I will give you updates thanks again :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 January 2013):
 Since the kids saw it, I say let the kids ask daddy about it. If they are old enough to have facebook pages they are old enough to handle it themselves.
"daddy are you really going to not talk to me on my birthday so you can be with susan alone?"
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A
female
reader, Just_Me_200 +, writes (15 January 2013):
Well that's a bit tough. I think you may have to ask him about it first, as you say you two are getting on so well maybe just say something like"What's all the crap you two are trying to get away from on holiday?" it just sounds like your concerned for his relationship that way and not accusing anyone, if he seems confused you could explain the kids saw this and that on facebook and feel the conversation out telling him your concerned that this could be affecting his new bonds with his children. Of course that's the route where the fiancee is enjoying some sneaky bitching behaviours, theres also two other ways that could go:1). he might have a different story for you such as an annoying neighbour causing them grief, in which case you may will just have to be a bit more careful with how you approach the subjectThe last, and hopefully not the case, response would be he is fully aware of his fiancee feelings and is either trying to coax her into accepting his family or she has coaxed him into leaving your children. In which case you will just have to be dependant on your relationship with him and tell him the kids have an ultimatum for him really.I can also see this from both the perspective of the kids, and the fiancee. Having a father who chose a younger woman with no kids hurt me greatly, you can explain to him it makes them feel worthless in his eyes, a burden or even mistakes and nothing more, and when you love someone to feel like that is awful.The side of the fiancee is somewhat controversial, perhaps she has gone about it wrong, but my partner has a young son as well, I will admit I hated it so much, especially feeling like what he had shared with his ex gf was more than I could ever hope for and that no matter what I did I'd be second best all the time. That's the wrong way to think of course but it was the case for me and several others I spoke to. However I'd assume his bride to be is much older than I am and should have come to terms already that as you get older the chances of meeting single non-parents decrease. I will warn you that, like myself, she may never come to terms with his children, I accepted that my attitude was wrong and so should she but I could never bring myself to see someone else's child and feel "motherly" towards it.In short the only thing to do is talk to him on a one to one level and trust that he has enough belief in you to listen and at least attempt to understand your point of views.
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A
female
reader, xxxnattybumxxx +, writes (15 January 2013):
The mature thing to do would be to speak to your ex husband. At the end of the day he is the father to your children and no matter how jealous she is of that it's never going to change. Tell him you don't want them having any kind of fall out but the kids would be gutted if they didn't have him in their lives anymore so you need to address the problem straight away because otherwise this idiot will think she can get away with it. She's really jealous and obviously insecure of how close you and your ex husband are. If you ex husband is in disbelief then at least you tried. So when your kids are older and they ask what happened you can tell them that your dad left and I tried to convince him to stay, but he wouldnt. Let me know what happens, I'm happy enough to carry on giving you advice. There's nothing worse than a jealous ex! Good luck x
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